Tuesday, August 31
no moar whinies
I've decided not to be depressed or sad just because I am lonely. Seriously no use in being a whiny bitch just because i don't have company for, like, 1 second right. It's quite loser imho. I will also accept that I will never have a family which I can fall back on and I will do my best to stop whining about it.
But one last thing.
Yesterday at 1am I had to lie to my dad that I needed money + his signature for something important so I could get him to come visit me.
1 fking am.
I bought him 2 shirts. When he came he said "
Where what you need me to sign?"
I was like "
Ehehe got nothing to sign. I also don't want money" Then I gave him the shirts. I didn't get any thank you, but it was expected because all he can say is "I have work" "Get better grades" "Need tuition?" "Mummy with me" etc. All he said was "
Hurry up I need to rush for work."
Sigh. I hope he was happy with the shirts though. I hope they fit him.
I'm seriously okay now, though. I do feel very unimportant and lonely right now, because people whom i thought i was close to are gradually disappearing from my life (i.e. Not talking to me), but I guess.. I'm alright with it. I have to be.
It's time to focus on exams, and I'm studying a little every day (still, future is bleak), so doing something else has helped to numb myself.
shopping stuffies
Manga! Bought at kino. I love love love the artist to bits. I want to draw like her. Abby says my art looks exactly like hers already though. Hahahaha my ass. XD
Home slippers bought at La Senza (: SO FURRY AND PINK OMG.
Abby also bought me a panty from la senza that looks uber cool.
It has a denim pattern so it looks like a denim panty.
I am not going to take a picture and post it here because it would be damn weird to put a picture of a panty on my blog, let alone my panty.
Yes, best friends go shopping for bras and panties together. ^^
From beauty warehouse sale tracy told me about (:
JURLIQUE!
Omfggggg i love the bubble bath. It smells strongly of lavender and sadly I do not have a bathtub. I'm thinking of buying those huge container things to bathe in..
Finishing powder smells so good too!! ^^ I think it helps keep my face matte for a long period of time, dunno, gotta use it more ^^
Bought stila eyeshadow at $2 each and brow liner for abby (: I happened to choose the right colours for her! I are awesome.
Right now, I need a non comedogenic BB cream and concealer.
Bah J2s
So our seniors won't be coming to school anymore. I feel kinda empty, cause most of my best friends are in J2. It's kinda like losing three quarters of my friends.
Actually *
sigh* I do click more with people my age.
But being with the J1s for so long has made me... more J1-ey. I don't know how to describe it. But I am very immature for an 18 year old, so I guess all's good. I can still troll around with J1s.
Gotta move on, and make more J1 friends.
yeah arttt
I made a very nice collage. Sadly I can't post it up here as school officials may deem it offensive.
Yuanxi liked it very much and he went to photocopy it.
He left it on the library table.
Two people walked past it and took it to photocopy as well.
Ehehe I feel so proud.
For one thing, people appreciating my creations makes me happy, for a while.
Yeahhhh bby.
music
Alpha rev!!! Underrated band seriously.
They're like keane + the fray in one :)
I suddenly love keane to bits!! OMG if they ever come to singapore again I am so going to watch them. I don't care if my friends don't like keane (enough to attend their concert) I am going to go alone if I have to. Keane ^_^ ♥♥♥
Vampire Weekend coming to Singapore to perform. Hmm I like them but not going to their concert.
Learning to sing more songs, when I'm walking by myself I'll start singing them and everything suddenly feels alright.
Friday, August 27
ajhbefkaef
#1
brother: Where's uncle's house?
me: Walk a bit more..
brother: does he live in a condom?
...
brother: ..condo?
#2
me: Are you planning to take H1 math?
brother: I don't know leh. Are you taking? I know someone who went to get h1n1 meds...
me: Wait..
brother: ...I heard that they will inject a bit of the virus into you then you get h1n1 for awhile and then get well really fast then you won't get infected anymore-
me: OK. Stop. I take H2 math.
brother: ..oh?
me: I'm not talking about a virus vaccination.
time wasting
I just called someone a cb.
First, this unknown number texted me.
Here's the conversation from my memory - so it may be jumbled or cut short.
cb: hi there:-D
me: i like ponies.
cb: O_o
me: do i know you?
cb: don't think so T.T
me: alright. do you need my help or anything?
cb: No haha I saw you go out of the toilet.
me: why did you text me?
cb: cos I want to stalk you. DUH
me: oh! I understand. It's perfectly OK to say hi right after seeing me finish my peepee. Hi!
cb: LOL!!! Hello. Then you know who I am already right XD XD
me: I still don't know who you are.
cb: then regard me as your stalker.
me: nah I don't have stalkers. wrong victim. fail stalker you. XD
cb: I saw you walk out of the toilet in your purple jacket. Freak I saw you lah XD
me(
THINKS:WTF): I'm sure I know you. Are you (cb's name)? Wait, you a girl?
cb(
denies knowing himself): Who's that :-o Duh which guy talks like me XD XD (
this makes me think cb is a girl)
me: Why did you even text me?
cb: Cos you are so awesome I couldn't resist. XD XD No lah I seriously saw you at the toilet so i said hi
me: How did you get my number my dear girl?
cb: .... Okay you fail at finding out who I am XD
me: So it's possible for me to guess your name?
cb: No need to know me lah. I'm so freaking insignificant XD
me: so am i, join the club. Are you XXX?
cb: Do I know XXX?
me: Jesus christ woman I don't even know who you are how do I know if you know XXX?
cb: I never did say I was a girl XD
me: Are you sure you are not (cb's name)? Cause you sound most like him.
cb: That's cos I am.
cb: really sound like me ar XD
cb: I saw you OUTSIDE toilet!!! Omg I am not a perv!!!!
me: That was not a good waste of time. Sigh.
cb: Ya that's cos it is useful, fun and cool 8)
me: I get fucking frustrated when RANDOM CBs sms me and I don't know who it is. Not the first time.
cb: ._. I got called a cb
OKAY I FEEL CHEATED. I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT I FEEL CHEATED THAT WAS SO DAMN LAME.
Seriously, next time people do this, IGNORE. Don't bother entertaining them. It's just that I have an OCD and I have to find out who when some random cb texts me. Usually I am good at guessing and as you can see I did guess it but this bored person decided to play this dumbass game with me.
I am so frustrated!! Like that so fun meh?!?!?!?!
"A true friend"
A true friend is the friend who sees the PAIN IN UR EYES while everyone is fooled by YOUR FAKE SMILE.
Wait, what?
Personally I think this is really attention seeking.
Why are you trying to fool everybody? Cause you don't want them to worry about you right?
The way I read that, it means that the friends who are fooled by your pretense aren't real friends.
So you're expecting your true friends to read your eyes and find out how pained you actually are.
Do you know how easy it is to fake a smile? How easy it is to fake being happy? Everybody does it.
Your "untrue friend" could just be bad at reading/observing people, like me. I never look at people's faces much. I take everything at face value. (OK I admit that's bad) But I really do care for my friends!
I just think if you're faking a smile don't expect anyone to be able to see past it!
Haha I think what I just typed above is crap. Actually that phrase can just mean "
I appreciate you for being able to tell that I am sad even when I said i'm not!" Yeahh, I think that's what it means!
Ahem random stuff
My classmate's dog licked my face!!
Actually!
It was more like a quick peck on my cheek.
OMG MY FIRST KISS WAS TAKEN BY A DOG
I AM SO HAPPY ^_^
I am not being sarcastic or anything. I'm really happy about it lor.
I got my ATM card replaced.
Used it just to see the "Approval 665711" thing coz i missed seeing that so bad.
Monday, August 23
Wheeeeeeeee stream of consciousness~~
I finished a book. Catcher in the rye by JD Salinger. There was no plot but I liked it. It was hella funny and I liked the way he wrote it. I get influenced by books really easily. Half the books in my life I've read are Roald Dahl, so I write a hell lot like him. I want to be funny like him. I'm not a reader. I wish I was. I wish I was the person who's read tons of intellectual books but I couldn't even get past the 20th page of
1984. So I don't read books.
Anyway, I think I am a loser at the moment. I'm pretty depressed. At the start of the year I was an even bigger loser, so I guess I should comfort myself in the fact that I am less of a loser, since 1. I no longer get on the computer 2. I have a life 3. I've grown closer to my friends 4. My music collection has grown 2x and I am so in love with it 5. I no longer give a fuck about trying to fit into my class.
But I am still a loser.
I am not saying this so that people can tell me musho you are not a loser. I
really do think I am a loser. So don't bother telling me I'm not, because I am seriously not looking for that. Just listen why.
My grades suck, I don't attend lessons, when I do I sleep and don't pay attention, I can't study I really can't, I'm dumber than lots of my friends, I have loads of pimples now, I just cut my hair really short, I am fat and I am unhealthy. I think I spend my dad's dough like nobody's business because he lets me do whatever I want. I feel kinda depressed.
I went to my uncle's house for dinner and I wish I had a family like that. They have a grand dinner every fucking day, wtf.
Anyway, just realized I haven't done close to 40 tutorials. Exam's in a month. You're supposed to do all your tutorials plus some extra revision stuff damn it. And I haven't even touched my lecture notes. I don't even know what they are about because unowat? I FELL ASLEEP IN/SKIPPED MY CLASSES. Seriously I am screwed. I hope I promote I really hope so. I have to buck up and study like crazy. I don't know if I should ask my friends to teach me stuff.
But guess what? I can't study now. I take 2 hours to do one example question on my math lecture notes. I get distracted drawing, thinking, talking, eating, sleeping... And I just hate studying. And I should be doing my PW now but here I am talking about how much of a loser I am.
I can't fit into a pair of old shorts anymore. It's proof.. proof that I'm fat. Damn it, I can't even delude myself anymore. I can't wear my girly tees or denim shorts and I got to wear guy stuff. I need new skirts because I got so much fatter. My FBTs, they slip up my fat butt. I tried to do sit ups but guess what? After doing 30 on my bed I got knocked out. I just went to sleep. Know what's best? My boobs didn't grow one bit. Fat and ugly is what I am. (I mean it. If you don't think I am fat.. well... you haven't seen the parts I've hidden successfully then. I'm great at hiding.)
Pimples? Meh, they kill me. You know they do. Sleeping with egg white on your face helps, but still, they keep coming. Glad they love me. Thanks for making me feel like not looking at anyone pimples.
I really like my music but I feel like a poser. At times, I have to listen to a song many times to love it. I feel like a poser when that happens. Sometimes I get all indie elitist then I resent myself for that.
I wish I could be one of those confident people but I just tell me not to be confident because I may delude myself. I will never be happy with myself. As long as I don't get good grades, have a shitty face and body, I will look down on myself, forever. Yeah, and I still do think I am a loser. Right now, anyways. I'm pretty depressed.
I know I was special. Just not special enough..
Monday, August 16
SPELLING FAIL
I just learnt how to spell
somersault. Yes, after typing into google "somasalt" "samulsalt" "samersalt" "samausalt" "sumersalt" "somersalt" and other combinations I finally found "somersault".
SOMERSAULT.
SOMERSAULT.
SOMERSAULT.
SOMERSULAT
SAMERSAUTL.
SOMERSAULT.
My English is actually really bad. Because I used to talk very little, my pronunciation is BLARFG and I cannot spell many basic words. Like.. 'necessary'. I write double 'c's.
My computing class is awesome.
They made origami llamas that
sumersalt somersaulted when you flicked their tail xD
I pity my teacher xD
http://www.origami-fun.com/origami-horse.html
ITS LLAMA NOT
HORES HORESS HORSE OK.
PIEGOENGEPEGPIMPLESPEGHE
ASFGAAFRLBACONGDDDDDFCHEMISTRYJAGF
PIMPLES PIMPLES EXPLODE BLOOD SCAR
JAVGJHCAGREENTEAFRAPPEOEHBAJSAJ
I'm not looking at anyone
ever again.
It's a horrible feeling.
Unexpected
Conversation with one of my best friends.
Abby: I met you before we became classmates.
Me: Whatta?!
Abby: You helped me!
Me: WHAT? What did I do?
Abby: It was the first week of school and I needed to get into the classroom but it was locked.
Me: Okay. OH DID I CLIMB IN FOR YOU XD
Abby: Yeah you removed the window panes and climbed in for me and helped me to unlock the classroom REMEMBER!!! It was you!
Me: HAHA I used to climb into classrooms all the time!
Abby: Then in Sec 3 when we became classmates I was like OMG THAT IS THE GIRL WHO HELPED ME!
Me: HAHA.
Abby: Yeah and that time, after you helped me I said "thank you" and you just gave me a GRUFF LOOK and walked off.
...
Hehe.
Old me is so weird.
I never respond when someone thanks me for helping them.
I don't know why either. Too embarrassed. One of my quirks I cannot change.
By the way I'm not helpful ok..... I just liked to climb into classrooms.
umm
Also, have you met people thinking they'll never be a big part of your life? And then you look at where you two are now. I've seen/glanced at many people and have forgotten about them. But a few months/YEARS later they come back and they become a big part of my life.
You never know hmmm XD
...
And then they're gone.
I know they're going.
I know we won't talk again.
*sigh*
Losing people like that is terrifying.
Life goes on anyway.!
It was fun!
*waves*
school
I just don't give a crap anymore :)
mixtape
Crossfire - Brandon Flowers
Soul Meets Body - Death Cab for Cutie
White Winter Hymnal - Fleet Foxes
Two Weeks - Grizzly Bear
The Cave - Mumford & Sons
Too Too Too Fast - Ra Ra Riot
Phantom Limb - The Shins
Julie June - The Silent Film
Baptized by Fire - Spinnerette
Dead Hearts - Stars
You're Not Stubborn - Two Door Cinema Club
These are really good songs!!!!!!!!
Trust me.
I can sing viva la vida! :D
Wednesday, August 11
I need to find some private corner in school where I can sit down, close my eyes and BLAST. THE. MUSIC. IN. MY. EARS.
AND SING ALONG WITHOUT BEING SCARED OF BEING HEARD.
Feels damn good. I cannot live without music.
A private corner where I will go every time I'm
supposed to be someplace else.
To think. To sleep. To read.
...
It has to be air conditioned.
***
Been skipping at least one lesson a day.
It's not good, but I don't pay attention anyway. Best to do self studying.
Today there was this stupid sports event.
Went to the fish tank and ate a potato while the rest of the students baked in the hot sun. Heh.
I'm a wreck.
***
Thank
you.
***
Even though I've not gone online much, amount of work done close to zero.
Mainly cause I use this spare time to do shit like, go out till late.
Ugh. I have to start working. Take my studies seriously.
Monday, August 2
NO COMPUTER FOR
3 days.
I'm getting used to it. Life is better.
I feel myself getting more normal!!
I..
I..
I HAVE A..
I HAVE A .. LIFE
Computing test
I must say that I am very proud. I made a program that will record stuff into a .dat file!
These are what I'm proud of:
1. THE PROGRAM WORKS!
2. I think I got full marks!
3. It was for a test so i typed it all from my BRAIN!!!
4. I thought I didn't study enough (watched inception and had cheesy talk with lu till 11pm the night before math and computing test = win!)
5. I never programmed such a program before! I was too lazy to do the tutorial.
6. I haven't programmed for ages!
Look at all the crap I pulled out from my ass!
ZOMG.
However, I'm not catching up with the teacher now.
Sigh.... Failing everything.
woll smoth
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/woll-smoth
PUAHAHHAHA!!!
Woll Smoth is a meme where you take a person's picture and shrink eyes and mouth and replace all the vowels in his name with 'o'!
Check it out! The images are pretty darn funny.
Ciao! I have to get back to life.
Aaaand starbucks ftw.
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