Saturday, October 30
lol dumb stuff
THERE ARE NO MOAR SCHOOL!!!1
LOLOL My conduct is 'very good'?!
I got my DS confiscated on the last day of school. Technically, it isn't mine, but I got it back anyway. It was during some scholarship talk in the auditorium, so knowing I will never get a scholarship, I took out my DS and propped it up on the table without any attempt to cover it.
Then I played Phoenix Wright ♥ :D
I was going to find the real murderer of Dr Grey!!!!
...
Then a teacher wandered over and called me.
I looked at her blankly.
She wanted the DS.
I gave it to her.
Several students turned their head to stare at me. I can never understand why people are so insensitive. I mean, it's alright to turn and look for a bit, but once you realize that person is in trouble, why do you continue to stare on? Wanna watch free show issit? Gah.
Then she said 'come see me after this.'
I looked at her blankly once more.
Then I turned away and went to look at the speaker.
LOL.
I think I just ignored her.
Get it guys? I have a natural talent to piss off them teachers and my school. I didn't even mean to ignore her. I just did. I want to be polite, but it is rather hard of me to change my horrible attitude. I will try anyway, okie?
Ummm then after this I went to claim it back.
Teacher: What were you doing during the talk? *waves DS*
Me: Playing games.
Teacher: And why?
Me: I am addicted.
(that's very true. I'm damn addicted to my DS. I play it 24/7. Once I wake up I turn on my DS. On the bus I am spamming phoenix wright. While walking to school I'm walking with my pokemon. During lessons I am phoenix wright having a court session. Before sleeping I lie under my covers to solve my.... you get the idea.)
Teacher: *rambles about disrespect* And why did you give me this blank look when I called you?
Me: Uh I did?
Teacher: Yes. And when I asked you to see me you just look at me again and turn away.
Me: Got meh.
Teacher: Yea, why?
Me: I was dazed.
Teacher: Dazed. Right. Okay I want you to write a reflection letter. Then you pass it to me in the PC room. My name is Mrs Sim.
Me: Can.
2 REFLECTION LETTERS IN ONE MONTH. WOAW.
Yeah anyway I wrote one with abby's help. I cannot write reflection letters for nuts. My reflection letters tend to piss teachers off even more.
...
I mean, the first thing I asked abby was "
CAN I MISPELL HER NAME ON PURPOSE TO MAKE HER ANGRY? :D"
I also like to put in sarcastic remarks in my reflection letters, so it ain't good without help from others.
I guess I am that shitty a student. I told you I'd do something stupid again and I did. Hey, I am sorry to disappoint. I will work on myself. For starters, must try speaking politely to teachers and look sheepish when caught doing something wrong, not ignore them...
Three quarters of the students were either sleeping, talking or texting. Every year we get the same old talks and we don't pay attention and then we get scolded by teachers. Every year. You'd think the teachers would want to try more effective methods (i.e. Let students who are interested in the talk attend, the rest can go home)
Well, I really was addicted. Once I'm done with the Phoenix Wright series I have to get the DS out of my life. But for now, it's PHOENIX WRIGHT ALL THE WAY :D:D
work on meself
Alright then, besides being polite to teachers..
I need to work on suppressing my insecurity too. I will suppress it, hide it, until the suppressed person becomes me. I believe it will go away then.
I need to try all sorts of methods to hide my weaknesses. Be bright and cheery. Be less quiet. Take initiatives. Until it becomes part of my personality.
And still keep to myself. Let's see how I will fare.
Wednesday, October 27
Went shopping today. Again...
I'm done with the new layout! AFTER THREE YEARS OF PROCRASTINATION.
What do you think? I wasted 3 hours designing it and 1 hour coding it, so it better be good! I hope I didn't lose my touch.
The blogging space is larger now. I keep thinking it's a bad thing.
Here are some characters you may spot:
I hope you liek my layout!!
Ciao!
Tuesday, October 26
NEW BLOG LAYOUT WILL BE LAUNCHED ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT.
---*---
OMG I'm so tired :(
I had my driving lesson today and I was driving on the public road at 70kmph at one point in time.
It was so scary with all the huge trucks passing by me.
Also a dog jumped right in front of the car when I was going to do a corner bend. WTF!
I had to keep my foot either on the brake or accelerator pedal for two whole hours non stop without rest and I definitely drove more than 10km. I think it's much more than that cos I drove at around 20-40kmph.
I'm just really tired. Driving is scary.
Doing a three point turn is so hard. I'm still trying to perfect U-turns. And I don't know when to step on the accelerator pedal and when to turn. And I definitely don't watch out for other cars... And I don't know how to brake really well.
If you stay around chua chu kang/btbatok area, don't jaywalk. Don't. A car with a 'L' plate will KILL YOU.
Monday, October 25
Ugh
I don't want to look at anybody...
I don't want to go to school.
...
Just know that you all made me lose trust in people. You all made me scared and insecure. You all made me confirm the fact that looks are all that matters.
._.
...
Suddenly it makes sense. I've always acted cold because I was scared of facing them.
Damn it, finding out that I am scared makes me more afraid of them.
Why am I scared of people.
I hate.. people. I hate people!!!
Sad
I scored horribly for GP. Got half as much as my previous test. It's a low, low, low fail.
Fine, those people who've been thinking my English sucked all along, I admit defeat.. my English sucks and I have no proper command of any language!!
SCREW ITTTTT
I ARE SO ANGRY I WANT TO STAMP ON A PEANUT
WHY DID I GET THAT LOUSY SCORE I DON'T EVEN-
UGH....
So where do I go from here?
Okay, I promoted. What the meow, I need 0.01 marks more to pass Economics.
I feel so fail to borderline pass everything.
Now... I.. I don't know what to study. I don't know what to do. I hate studying. Why must they make me do this. Damn it. I'm going to torture myself next year and force myself to remember it all. I'm going to! I need the results.
But I don't know what to do now. I cannot study now. I really cannot. I want to play.
DS!
Okie I have been playing three games on the DS.
1. Phoenix Wright
I completed phoenix wright - ace attorney.
IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOLONMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOGM I TOTALLY RECOMMEND IT. YOU SHOULD PLAY IT OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
Uh wait I should tell you what it's about. You are a
defense attorney and you defend suspects whom you believe are innocent. So cool right!!! It makes you smarter!!!!
2. Pokemon Diamond
I just caught Dialga with three ultra balls. I used my HM slave to beat Dialga!! Hahaha. Game has been okay so far. I've got a classmate who helps me train them so I've been progressing pretty okay. He wasted 5 hours of his life training my magikarp into a gyrados.
Female machokes and machamps scare me. I mean... WHERE DA BEWBS.
Mark: Did you choose piplup thinking it was the cutest and now you realize its final evolution is the ugliest of all three starters?
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
I WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS UNFORGIVABLE COMMENT
I LOVE MY EMPOLEON TO DEATH.
It only died once, and it wasn't me who killed it!
3. Trauma Center
Another game which I really fail at but want to complete. You are a
surgeon HOW COOL IS THAT and you remove thrombi and aneurysms and stuff. It's really gross and it's hard and I killed lots of patients and end up feeling so much guilt and remorse that I stop playing the game for a day.
...I will continue to work hard to save lives!!!!
..
Do you have any to recommend?!! I'm totally addicted to the DS now.
NO I AIN'T GETTING A LIFE. I HAVE LOTS OF LIVES IN MY DS.
Saturday, October 23
Driving
First driving lesson on tuesday happy happy~
i'm sad again why??
Lol, I don't think anybody will read this cos it's a boring chunk of crap and I'm just some.. average teen with an average blog so I'm probably just talking to myself.
Gracechua isn't mad at me, the end. She said stuff to make me reflect. I certainly did. Y'know, I think I'll probably keep continuing doing dumb stuff so she better brace herself for more
misdemeanors of mine. Apparently I have a completely different code of conduct from others but I have to keep to theirs. Fine, I'll try to behave.
Anyway, I've had this problem for my whole life. Recently people have been mentioning it to me and it's coming back to haunt me again. I guess I left it alone for too long and I have to face it. But I do not know what to do.
I happen to be reaaaaally bad at body language.
I fuck up every first impression I give.
I promise you I have NEVER given anybody a good first impression my whole life :)
I have never gotten out of an interview feeling unshitty, too.
I cannot look people in the eye. I retreat from people.
--------------------------------------------*
REASONS
1. Gracechua says I don't trust people, hence I don't want them to see what
I'm thinking. ...Not quite. It's actually the opposite.
2. I don't want to face what
they are thinking.
3. Eyes medically certified weak.
4. I don't want them to read me wrongly. Usually I have no mean or evil thoughts but what if they think from my gaze I am hatin' at them because I have shitty eyes?!!
*--------------------------------------------
You probably realized it by now. I don't look at you when I talk to you unless I've known you for so long I trust you won't judge me. Or I just don't care.
If I've known you for very long and I still don't look you in the eye, you're 1) probably a critical person and I'm scared of your criticism, or 2) I care to keep you so much that I'm scared of finding out that you may actually hate me.
I cannot take criticism. People know that. My self esteem, it's already in the negatives. Lowering it more will only harm my emotions a lot. No one dares to criticize me, and I know that because no one has been doing it unless they are just blunt. I also find it hard to accept criticism, so people probably don't see the point and leave me to screw myself up.
And once you criticize me, it stays in my mind, for a very long time.. and I make myself believe it. You can't take it back because I will believe you are doing it just to unhurt my feelings.
When I listen to someone bitch, when I listen to someone criticizing others, or being mean to others, or telling others they are only pretending to be XXX's friend, I... I get really, very scared. I think, if they do this XXX, they WILL do this to me too. And.. everyday people do that. I get so scared. I don't understand how it will make you a better person if you do all that.
It's very easy to gain my trust but it's easier to lose it. You never really get it back when you lose it. I can trust someone new very much, but I never give myself away completely. I'm pretty private, but lol, I bet this is normal cos no one shows 100% of their true self right?
I always stop myself. Every time I want to open up, a bazillion questions pop in my head. Here.
Are they looking at my pimples? Is my fringe perfect? I screwed up cutting it yesterday. Are my spectacles in the perfect position such that they won't enhance the ugliness of my eyes? Maybe I should get contacts. How's the lighting - will it make my eyes look terrible? If I talk too much won't my spit fall onto them? Argh, my breath smells like sour milk, better cover mouth and not look. Will they find me irritating if I say this? Will they take offense if I say this? Is my pronunciation correct? What if they think my English sucks. I wonder if I look ugly from the side. I wonder if they disapprove of what I'm doing right now. Are my eyebrows too bushy - I should shape them gosh. Are my shoulders tense again? Are my legs fat? Shit, they think I'm ugly, I know it. Shit. I want to die now. What are they thinking now? Why are they looking at me?! WHY? STOP LOOKING... I wonder if I did something and if they hate me now and are just pretending just to entertain me I should leave now-
Why do you think I communicate so much better over text? I don't have to waste 99% of my brain capacity worrying about all this!
And when you are nice to me, you do stuff for me even though I have no @^$#*!^ idea why (which happens a lot -.-), I will start telling myself this. "This person is just friendly or plain kind and (s)he probably will do this for other people too. They aren't actually too concerned about you. Be nice to the people who are nice to you and move on" Then I will hide. I'm scared of developing any reliance on anybody because it's NEVER good to feed off someone for happiness. That person will only leave you eventually because they'll be bored of you. Then you will have nothing.
And my experience has actually proved all this
right.
When people leave me, I don't go looking for them.
My ego is way too high up above the scale, for that.
I'm so sorry.
I'm scared of people. I'm really frightened of crowds.
Their thoughts, their intentions, their rejections.
Sometimes I wish I had the world to myself and the animals.
That's why I want to have a farm when I grow up.
That's why I seek comfort in being with animals, especially cats.
They won't cast judgments on me.
This.. distrust, this hiding.. it cost me lots.
I lost .. so much.
*le
sigh*
I want to please everybody but I'm just so bad at it....
.
.
And,
How can you help me when I don't listen..?
Labels: MYSELF
Monday, October 18
I have 22 demerit points!!!!!
Meow you chemistry
Failed chemistry miserably. I abandoned all other subjects to study chemistry and I end up getting a U. Improved by 18 marks but it is still a U. Since I only studied chemistry and I got the lowest grade for it, I think I ought to get single digit for economics and math. Then I will fail and drop out.
Lovely.
I hate chemistry. I hate it. I want to drop it. The teacher hates me, I don't want to see her. I hate it!!!!!!!! I bet she thinks I'm stupid now. Oh god and I actually
HAVE to accept the fact that
I'm stupid.
I don't deserve that mark! It's soooo unfair! I can't believe I studied for it and failed!
Because ... exactly a year ago I would be confident to get above average and I would get it. Now I'm rock bottom.
I feel so dumb.
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG!!!!
you don't pay attention, you only study seriously 2 weeks before promo, you skip tutorials, you don't practise enough
CAN ANYBODY HELP ME?
I really do not want to fail.
....
Surprisingly I got a B for computing (that's actually the lowest you can get, kinda) after abandoning it and not paying attention and not doing tutorials. If I promote I WILL PAY ATTENTION.. I won't sleep in class.. won't do funny stuff in class... I will do tutorials.
scolded by dearest mommy
Alright, anyway, my school has this workbin thing where teachers upload stuff for us. To access it you need to update your particulars. One of the particulars is your parents' monthly income. The field was mandatory.
So I just put
$696969.
I mean, my dad's income isn't fixed and irdk what it is. So I put in a fake amount which means
"Y U MEK ME FILL DIS?? I shall put a garbage value to troll you"
...
Well, my lovely form teacher texted my dad this and my mom saw it:
"musho keyed in a figure nearing $600000 for monthly income.
She can just leave it blank if she doesn't know."
WAIT WHAT? LOOK AT THIS OMG.
Well soo....
First, my mother texted me demanding why I "BRAGGED" about my dad's income. ("Are you buying liverpool? How can one possibly earn $600000 a month?")
====== 1. $696969 is around $700000, not $600000
====== 2. YOU DON'T BRAG ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON'T HAVE.
Then she called me up and asked why i did that and said
I should drop out and kill myself even though I explained my form teacher is WRONG and I /had/ to fill up something to access my schoolwork.
WHAT THE SHIT.
FIRST, WHY CAN'T ADULTS SEE THAT I KEYED IN A RIDICULOUS SUM BECAUSE I HAD TO OR I COULD NOT ACCESS MY WORK. CAN'T THEY SEE I'M NOT "BRAGGING"?!! Seriously, you don't need to be smart to tell...
IS IT JUST ME OR ARE ADULTS BLOWING UP EVERY LITTLE THING I DO? WHAT IS THE REAL HARM OF MY ACTIONS? ARE YOU JUST PINPOINTING MY LITTLE FAULTS BECAUSE YOU THINK I SHOULDN'T DO THEM
JUST BECAUSE?
HONESTLY, I SEE SO MANY MODEL PUPILS OF YOURS BADMOUTHING AND BITCHING ABOUT OTHERS AND I REALLY CAN'T STAND THAT. NOW THAT IS HARMFUL BECAUSE IT IS HURTFUL AND YOU'RE CONJURING A FALSE IMAGE OF SOMEBODY-
BUT ME? WHAT IS THE REAL HARM OF MY ACTIONS? DO YOU REALLY CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO ME OR DYOU JUST WANT TO TROUBLE ME?
RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I ARE SO ANGRY
I ARE SO ANGRY I WANT TO STAMP ON A PEANUT
RAHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
.
(I'm so scared to fail, I'm so scared)
Friday, October 15
...Things will never be the same again.
---
I got demerit points. Teachers were awfully nice but I just.. gave attitude. I'm not one to go down on my knees and start begging. But I really put in a lot of thought. It all seems really stupid now. I'm sorry for whatever I did. Guess I'm in Singapore and I need to be
obedient.
Okay, now I have to stay out of trouble. No more stupid mistakes like that.
Gracechua can hate me. I deserve it anyway. Can't turn back time. I'll manage things on my own from now on.
THANK YOU
kintan, jubbie, chunmei (for coming to my house at 12am and staying over out of fear that I'd killed myself ♥ I'm so sorry..), eli, benjy, darryl, honkie, huisuan, taggers and several others for helping me make it through. Don't know what I'd do without you guys really. Sorry for bringing about so many negative externalities - having me as a friend is like owning a demerit good. I'm always doing dumb stuff. Thank you for tiding me through this .. horrible time. You are all really great friends.
If you didn't know about it, I didn't want you to worry about it because you were too busy with your own things to check here and I understand.
---
And everybody's telling me the only thing I did wrong was to get caught.
Sigh.
Tuesday, October 12
I did something stupid today. I may be expelled from school - it's very likely - but I guess I deserve it. After all, I'm screwed up right? I'm incorrigible. I've had a bad rep my whole school life and you all like to talk about all the shit I have done. I have no one to blame but my screwed up self.
Alright, what happened was we were supposed to submit this consent form to go to East Coast Park for skating and I didn't even know shit. So the teacher told me to get my papa to text her.
My papa, well, he doesn't reply till the next day or something. So I figured it'd best to fake it. So I texted a friend "
Can you pretend to be my dad and msg this number "i give permission to musho to go ecp"? thanks. fucking teachers"
..
I sent that message to
the teacher.
Lol.
First, it's dishonesty.
Secondly, it's disrespect.
Yes, call me dishonest and disrespectful, I don't care. I guess I am. I have totally no idea why i put 'fucking teachers' at the end of my text. I was in a bad mood and my subconscious just put it there. It didn't mean anything; the teacher didn't do anything. But of course you won't believe me.
Sorry, I just use the word fuck freely. I really don't mean anything, but of course people will be offended. I shouldn't have done that, I know. But i didn't mean
anything. I have, up till now, no fucking idea why I put that at the end. -.-
Also, I should have done what the teacher said and called my dad instead of trying to save trouble and self owning. I guess I got so used to doing everything on my own that even this I try to do on my own. Okay, no excuses musho. You were wrong on both counts this time.
Call me vulgar, fucked up, disgusting, terrible, blablabla. I know I am. I've given up on myself already. I was never taught the right thing. My motto is DO ANYTHING AS LONG AS YOU DON'T HARM ANYBODY.
I told my dad what I did and he was just uh, sad and disappointed i guess.
The worse thing is, not only I'm gonna be kicked out from the school I worked hard to stay in, the only teacher who trusts and listens to me hates me now. She said I betrayed her and I never learn and she doesn't know if she wants anything to do with me anymore. She said for once she judged a person wrongly and so basically I'm this betrayer of trust piece of shit. She is gonna bring the matter to the discipline master AND tell them about my skipping of school. I'm so screwed.
I'll tell the discipline master to do whatever he wants with me. He can cane me in public, I'm used to pain anyway. He can do whatever he wants. I deserve all of it.
..
I don't know how I came to this point.
I don't know if I should cry. I guess... I already did. Sat on a rock by the sea today and cried.
I regret doing what I did and I really don't know why I did it. I'm sorry, I didn't have proper parents to teach me anything. My own mother stole and lied and my dad lets me do whatever I want. So instead of being a good obedient child I became this fucked up monster, on my own.
I'm giving up on myself. I have nothing to say. I don't know what to do now. I really need to know if I'll get expelled. Then I will start making plans to go to an art school or polytechnic.
This is not the first time I get called up for saying offensive stuff. I guess I am rash by nature, when I don't really mean any harm. I can't believe that I am 18 and it happens again. I'm so disappointed in myself and my stupidity.
I'm a monster. Anyway, I hope that teacher doesn't talk to me anymore coz I don't know how to face her. I've really screwed up this time round. Now I'll face the consequences.
Sorry means nothing. I am very sorry, but still I don't know why that is such a serious matter if I don't harm anybody. I guess words harm people so I'll watch my words. Anyway, no momentum to live now. Really wanted to jump in the sea but friend told me impossible to die there.
Now I don't know what i'm saying so I should stop. I'm a lost sheep. I'm screwed up - you say I am. Fine, can't help it.
Have to go dry my tears now.
Monday, October 11
taka trip
It was fun ^_^_^_^_^_^ I bought a pokedex handbook!!
It's awesome (:
It's like mugging pokemon!
High class slacking
Promos are over!!
Me: I went home and switched off everything except my lava lamp, and then I lay on my bed listening to The Beatles and staring at my lava lamp -
HS: Wah your slacking is like high class slacking eh! For me I just lie on my bed and stone.
hellooooo
Don't you hate it when people you barely know are beside you, and they are talking really loudly, THEN they look at you for a few seconds, and start whispering stuff into each others' ears?!
Sensitivity anybody!?
Ok wtf
Why are people such busybodies?
This happened a few days ago before my promos.
After my computing consult I went to the topmost level of my school, climbed over the railing and onto the roof.
It was the
flat part of the roof and was totes NOT DANGEROUS!! I mean I know I blatantly climbed over the "
DANGER - KEEP OFF THE ROOF" sign but.. BUT IT WAS
NOT DANGEROUS DAMN IT!!!
Okay anyway I sat on the roof enjoying the view and stuff. Then I blew bubbles and they gleamed and glistened in the sunlight and it was, like, many
babyedwardcullenheads bobbing up into the sky and popping and stuff. It was all really bootiful.
It was such a cool place I decided I'd be going on the roof everyday and I even wanted to study there.
I was listening to Rooftops by Lostprophets with my noise isolating earphones and i could hear nobody. Clearly, I wanted my own time.
AND SUDDENLY SOME TEACHER BEHIND ME SAID "
EXCUSE ME YOUNG LADY!".
I was like omg!! and i unplugged my earphones.
Him: Can you get down?
Me: ???
Him: It's dangerous to be up here.
Me: No it isn't.
Him: It says here DANGER - KEEP OFF -.-
Me: But I'm not falling over or anything. I'm not on the sloped part of the roof. I'm just.. sitting here :/
Him: Yea but ur not allowed to be here.
By now there were a few students crowding behind him and fucking POINTING AND STARING AND LAFFING AT ME and two teachers were making their way up the staircase.
THE HELL?
...
So I said "
Can you guys go away so that i can leave quietly?"
And they took a few steps backwards and CONTINUED STARING AT ME and whispering amongst themselves.
I realised they thought I wanted to kill myself. Ya, kill myself from the fourth storey -.-
I was just happily blowing bubbles!!!
Anyway I already told them to fuck off so that I can fuck off without a bunch of people staring at me BUT NO they kept on looking at me so I just SAT ON THE BLOODY ROOF and waited for them to fuck off.
But they didn't fuck off and they got worried, so they called another teacher from downstairs to come to
coax me down. Seriously guys?
She said
WHY ARE YOU UP THERE
I said
NOTHING
She said
YOU COME DOWN NOW
I said
FINE
So I refused to look at all those tards staring at me and I walked to the other side of the roof and got off there. The lit teacher already reached the fourth level and she stopped me from going off.
Her: Where are you going?
Me: Ummm idk.
Her: Where are you walking to now?
Me: Ummmmmm I'm going back to my class bench, I guess?
Her: Come, I want to get to know you better. I'm not going to ask why you were on the roof. What's your name?
What class are you from?
How are you feeling?
Are you stressed?
How are promo preparations so far?
.
.
And so she spammed me with questions that translated to "
WERE YOU GONNA COMMIT SUICIDE?"
I said
I'm fine, I really am, I was happy until you guys came and chased me off the roof, I just wanted to blow my bubbles.
She followed me all the way down to my class bench and took down my name and class. Then she called another teacher on the phone "Oh she's perfectly fine, was just scaring ppl".
WALAO I NEVER ASK YOU TO BUG ME SIA.
.
.
.
Anyway, the next day I was called by the school counselor and gracechua.
*facepalm* all I wanted to do was to blow. my. bubbles. in. the. sunlight. damn. it. guys.
I told them I WAS JUST BLOWING BUBBLES DAMN IT and the counselor + gracechua were perfectly understanding and agreed with me that blowing bubbles on a roof is very therapeutic and I should call one of them next time if I want to do that.
They said now there's a rumour that a J2 girl tried to commit suicide from the roof because she was too stressed. I exploded. "WTF WHAT CAN I DO? DO YOU WANT ME TO GO TO THE PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT THINGY AND TELL EVERYBODY NO, I WAS NOT GONNA KILL MYSELF?!"
They said there was no need.
Then when they left the room they could not stop laughing at me.
I was mad that I could only get to stay there for 10 minutes. It was so beautiful!!!!!!!
Okay, I'm sorry I got on the roof. I honestly didn't know you guys would turn it into such a big deal. I'm not gonna go there again, alrighty? I'm gonna find some new haunt where nobody can find me and my bubbles. Peace out.
{}{}
LOL
I watched this and got hella irritated. Seriously the girl types damn slow and the guy is a 1000wpm typist. (look at how fast he replies) If you don't reply in 1 second he types a whole lot of shit more and nudges you.
They can never be together.
He's a real ass though.
I am so bitter!!!!!!! T_T
tired
I am too tired to bother.
If you don't want me as a friend anymore, I will let it be.
If you hate me, I will leave you alone. I don't want to irritate anybody or try for you - I've been trying too hard, maybe that's why you hate me.
I'm sorry for whatever I did. I know I am weird, I am an ass, I am uncouth.
I'm past the point of fighting for anything now and I accept that friends will leave you when the time's ripe. Everybody will find a new somebody, so I guess I will too.
I'm not depressed, just tired of worrying about you guys. Too tired to be sad.
Let me know when you all want me back.
I can-
I CAN SPIN A PEN!!!!
Practised like crazy :D
Not my hand but :D
D: I just feel kind of nyaahhhh now because I read bakuman. It's about creating manga. There's this kid in bakuman who only draws headshots of cute girls and I'm like HOLY SHIT THAT'S ME. And I felt like my chest was being stabbed a thousand times when the main characters insulted that kid.
Should I feel insulted? After all I'm not planning to be a mangaka. I just want to draw cute and pretty things to please myself and other people. I want to design cute stuff for people too. I'm totes not interested in working my ass off to draw manga-
Still I feel really guilty. I should start drawing bodies and guns and swords and poses and backdrops and wtffffffff. But I am not interested. Not interested, not interested!
Guess I'm no
real artist. I'm not good at all.
Psh, and I was thinking of going to art school if I failed.
Saturday, October 2
i am not going to make it.
trying to cram everything into my brain - 90% of econs, 80% of chem, 70% of math, 90% of computing to be studied because i forgot everything. how could i forget everything?
It's in two days.
i am too scared to even cry.
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