Wednesday, February 23
I don't know what happened between us because I could never figure you out. It hurts like hell to see you do something so mean even after I stopped talking to you for so long. Or did you do it because you knew I'd never speak a word to you ever again? But what was the point of that? I'm sorry I shunned you, but what was I to do? I couldn't face you.
The problem probably didn't lie with me. But I can never blame you because ... because... just because! To me you were this person I wanted to be - I could never stop listening to you. I took in every word you said. I took them to absolution. I wanted to make you happy, but what made me think I could ever do that? It was you, after all.
I used to wonder what you saw in me in the first place, what got you to talk to me. Very very few made it that far. It was thrilling, so thrilling! And now I'm going crazy with all that hurt inside me, I'm going crazy trying to figure out what went wrong. It feels terrible, being reduced to this tiny speck of nothing. I never wanted to be nothing to you. I wanted to be your friend.
I know I'll never meet another person like you again, and I'm glad. I need to forget every nice thing you said to me and all the times I had the honor to help you and... I just need to forget. So goodbye.
(The Moment - Safetysuit)
Tuesday, February 15
myeh
This was written some days ago:
Went to bowie's today! Darryl made
his sticky's chewy cookies and I coped the recipe. His family is really cool, they have this special file with all the cool recipes. I think they cook together or something. I wish I had a family like that. Maybe when I grow up.
I had cookies for breakfast for the next two days. They tasted so awesome~~
They are so talented!!
This was written a few days ago:
Went to the arcade for DDR, then it was pool and then LAN.
DDR is crazy! L4D2 is crazy!!!
(I mostly antisocialed as usual...)
I think today is one of the last times I'm ever seeing the art club gang.
Weirong and Bowie are enlisting for army soon. That is ...
fast. I'm sorry that I rarely show appreciation for things until I realize they're gonna disappear. Thank you two for being awesome. I hope you two like the thingys I made, coz I tried to make it special and I kinda like the thingys, too. It's my way of thanking you properly.
(
edit: Yeah they liked it! ^^ I was so scared they were going to trash it)
Starting out! Looks fun.
Lineart :)
Colouring at my locker...
Complete!
I'm thinking of drawing more of these to sell.
I drove past Grace's house yesterday.
Even though I passed it so many times, I never noticed that it was so beautiful.
Until the day I took a bus there. Public transport is always better.
The water and the mountains.
But I won't be there for a long time now.
Taken outside:
I know I act awkward and antisocial around all of you. (like wr said, attitude problem) But honestly I really liked each and every one of you. You guys were just
different. A good kind of different I'm glad I was able to sync with. Highly intelligent and talented and non judgmental individuals.
I'll miss you.!
i'm so creeper!!
Yeah so my class juniors are pretty cool. I mean I'm from this loser faculty and they helped us win the play component of the faculty wars.
ATHENA!!!!!!!!!! huat ah!!!!!!!
LET'S WIN THE FAC SHIELD BBY!!!!
*fac spirit*
Anyway during computing I tweaked the URL of the school staff site and got into the database of students and retrieved the list of people in our junior class. Then I proceeded to copypaste their names onto facebook and stalked them all. For about 20 seconds each. My classmates watched in a mixture of ... interest. And horror.
Also we have to randomly pick a junior to write something to... i happened to pick this kid who stays in boarding school. Apparently, yyjhao stays next to him so I was thinking of leaving my letter in his room to be all creeperish. Since yyjhao refused to steal something from his room for me to say 'HEY I M A CREEPY SENIOR. I STOLE THIS FROM UR ROOM HAH'.
my little pony
OMG my classmate gave me MY LITTLE PONY COOKIES!!!!
*~Mr Munchy's Pony cookie snacks~*
*~
Perfect for lunchboxes~*
^_^
I bet he eats them every day which is why he is buff.
It was the last thing I expected a buff dude to carry in his bag! Seriously!
I AM VERY IMPRESSED
And highly amused.
In all honesty they are pretty darn awesome.
When lulu and I were watching
black swan we hid under my jacket at all the scary parts. Then I will go '
PONY COOKIES?!!!' and lulu will say '
GIMMAY THE PONY COOKIES' and we will eat a pony cookie each. The pony cookies helped us survive that horribly scary movie.
Then a little kid from astro asked if he could have a packet of pony cookies and i was like
NO!!!!! These are
my pony cookies!!!!
I gave him candy.
the national!!~
GUESS WHO HAS TWO FRONT ROW TICKETS TO THE NATIONAL ♥
yes yes yes!
my first concert ♥
mew
Mew is an amazing band.
The only songs that have been on my replay list lately are 'Am I Wry? No' and '156'. So beautiful.
it fucking hurts
it hurts like hell
damn it.
damn it.
damn.
it.
!
don't cry when they are around.. don't cry
I
Wednesday, February 2
eda mameshiba des
SO I BOUGHT A TALKING PEA DOG CALLED
MAMESHIBA
Why? Because there's a series of mameshiba videos where he pops out of nowhere and spills a random fact and freaks people out. I thought it was really funny.
BUT I HAD NO IDEA IT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME.
It said "
DO YOU KNOW A KANGAROO'S POUCH IS REALLY STINKY" during chemistry class. Grace chua's class.
Yes, this bloody thing
It went on for 10 seconds.
Everybody was like 'wtf is that' and grace chua gave me this cockroachy look and anyway, it was a really bad time for mameshiba to talk. I have no idea why the button pressed itself but.
MAMESHIBA PLEASE NEVER DO THAT AGAIN IT AIN'T FUNNY!!1
gym
I went to the gym to work out at cardio for the first time in my life. With j, cm and iz.
I ran for 20 minutes on the moving platform machine thingy. Resting in between of course.
My heart rate went up to 197. People tell me it's not normal.
I propped my iPod on the machine and started watching a kitten video. So I was running on the treadmill and giggling madly at the ~*kawaii kittens*~
Mark went into the gym and was like 'Hi' and I didn't hear him and kept laughing at the kittens and continued running.
THEN I noticed his presence and I felt so stupid afterwards.
I wish I could train privately and watch kittens in peace. Big screen, preferably!
I R FOTOGRAPHR
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2111148
Hi I have started taking photos with my iPod Touch.
It has this cool lomo application that makes crappy photos look good and all tumblr-ish!!
God it's so goddamn kewl I feel so unnoobed!!!
oh tyvm
-_-
Well I haven't been drawing at all.
Except occasionally on tutorials and lecture notes.
The only practice I ever got was on my worksheets. Ever since I was seven I have been doodling on my homework, textbooks and stuff. It's like second nature. A habit.
So I drew a girl on my computing tutorial which I didn't know was to be handed up, but I had to hand it up, so I did.
My wonderful teacher announced mockingly to the whole class:
"While sifting through your tutorials I notice some of you have
nice drawings on your worksheet."
And then he proceeded to look for an example worksheet.
Or,
the example worksheet.
Because I knew it was me. I knew it.
And yeah, he held it up for the class to see.
As I shouted "
NO! PLEASE!"
But it was too late.
Yeah and he said "This white blank space on the question paper, not for you all to draw okay?"
...
How could he.
You know I can't help it. I draw whenever there's a white blank space. You know it. It's the only practice I get, damn it.
Leave it alone. It didn't bite you. It wasn't on the answer sheet.
Leave my impulses alone.
stress
Been doing GP homework, not because I want to. I actually do it before doing math or science. Because I don't want to disappoint the teacher. I am so scared of making him hate me. I know he's going to hate me soon, because I always let teachers down (even the ones who really trust me
ie grace chua) at some point in time.
I try to pay attention but I just die at my desk. Fall asleep, I mean.
GP has always been
drawing practice session for me.
To actually listen in class is tiring enough, but during GP?!
Yeah he's actually been an angel to me. Like, seriously, he scolds the guys like mad but he's nicer to girls. He lets me bring my milk tea in and I eat candy in front of him. Or maybe he doesn't know. And I didn't bring my work in a few times.
My only tip for you guys is to never laugh or show a happy face when talking to him. You must look real depressed (that comes really naturally to me). Well, just don't laugh. Be serious when he's serious. I don't see how you can laugh when he's serious anyway.
I am just trying to delay it from happening.
I really don't want to hear him scold me.
the national
I THINK I'M GOING TO SEE THE NATIONAL!
I THINK I'M GOING TO SEE THE NATIONAL!
I THINK I'M GOING TO SEE THE NATIONAL!
I THINK I'M GOING TO SEE THE NATIONAL!
Up close.
UP CLOSE BBY
KNN!!!!!
I JUST SPOILT MY KLIPSCH EARPHONES AGAIN!!!!11!!!!
WHAT. THE. MEOW!!!!!!!
Y U HAET ME SO MUCH
WHEE
Dear students,
If you have accumulated 9-14 demerit points in an academic year, you will be issued with a Letter Of Warning from the school (Printed on HCI letterhead) and if you have accumulated 15 or more demerit points, you will be placed under probation by the school.
Students under probation will have their discipline record released to scholarship organisations or universities upon request.
The letter will be handed over to the student by his respective CT in the presence of a Discipline Committtee member during an interview. The student will read and sign the acknowledgement letter in the presence of both the CT and a Discipline Committee member. The CT will keep the acknowledgement in the CT file and follow-up by updating the parents/guardians about the consequences of being placed under probation by the school.
Way to stigmatize mistakes and dig up the past, school. I love you too!
There goes a clean portfolio. (I shudder at the great lengths people take to polish that) Luckily I never put any effort to buff it up, so not much loss there, except now I know I probably won't go to a nice university. Or any university.
Yeah I deserve everything. I'm paying the price for my immaturity and stupidity. Getting caught for what most people do, and doing what they did. Well, they don't have to worry about me anymore. I'll
behave even without probation. Like I said, I won't skip classes or be late or do anything stupid. I don't even want to anymore.
Strangely enough no one told me off for dyed hair so i'll just leave it there heh
I hope you're happy...
Who needs a second chance, anyway?
....
No, wait, actually, please just let me go. Please let me go! You can damage my portfolio, let me sign a dozen warning letters - but after this please just leave me
alone. I'm done with everything. I know of all the embarrassing things I did last year. Including the little things. It makes me
shudder! I hate it. I absolutely
detest my past self -
I look down on me. I know, okay? I know what I was. It makes me cry.
And I'm done. I'm done. Please let me go. Not just the school. Everyone who knew what a piece of living crap I was. Please I just ... want to be in the background from now on. I don't want to fit in with any group, be nice to strangers so they can accept me, anything. I will keep my mouth
shut. I just want to leave my past behind. Let me be nothing. Won't you help me with that?
I feel so worn out.
Please let me put everything behind now.
Please help me tell myself I'm not
her anymore.
My head hurts.
walking in the rain
and listening to awesome music
is
so
wonderful.
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