a

sometimes i wanna disappear~

2012-01-21T00:17:00.002+08:00

lately~

Lately I haven't had much to do. Everybody's working or having school. I stay home, sleep eleven hours and watch Dexter.

And it depresses me. I can't figure out why. I don't know why I can't let myself go and be wasted. I deserve to waste my life away now after all the shit I had to endure the past decade (i.e. skewl)

Why do I feel the need to be productive when it's my breaktime!?

Honestly, I think if I start drawing and designing again, nobody's there to care anymore. Last time, I had deviantART and random classmates and Art Club. They may not have cared much about my work, but it was enough to keep me going. And they're gone. I can't start anything without support. Sigh.

I'll probably try to return to the DeviantART community by making some fanart and flash buttons. IF I CAN GET MY LAZY ASS TO DRAW.
Also learn to use fiverr (It's a site that lets you do gigs (i.e. mini jobs) in return for $4. They keep one buck).

Meanwhile, hit me up if you'd like to commission me - website, banner, illustration - anything. Or if you know anybody who offers design internships. Or any art related opportunities. I need to do something. Grawr.

To do something like this again would be good.

On the bright side, just had a super productive day at Jubbie's making random clay things. They are adorable. We're trying to find an event/flea market where we can share a booth (and hence split costs) with someone else. If you're interested, please tag.

Adorbs!!

soo

I was pretty bored and decided to read my old posts in 2009 and 2010. I'm a thousand times less funny than before. Not to mention I update way less. Guh. Sowwy guise.

I read...
http://mushopea.blogspot.com/2009/09/irdk.html (see pizza)
http://mushopea.blogspot.com/2010/04/diplodocus.html (see pimple cream)

Posts like these made me laugh. I kinda miss my old self. But I'm also glad that she's gone.

From my photobucket, I dug up a really old picture of myself that I never showed anyone.

Oh god what is that thing on the right

kill it before it lays eggs!!1

Girl beside me is my ex-roommate whom i adore :D I missed the two years we spent together in the same room and all the crazy sex we had after them tiring study sessions. *licks lips* sighhhghghhh

2 years later

I'm turning 20 soon, but I still act like a kid ugh why

Ah, and here's manfriend fondling a random pussy.
So jealous :c

Even kitties like him moar :(

fosterthepeople!

http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Lifestyle/Story/STIStory_755919.html

The concert was... pretty cool. It was bad at first because I couldn't see them at all and people were smoking and everybody was sweating. But I really enjoyed myself towards the end :D

This local band called The Auditory Effect opened for them. Something disturbing happened. The last song they played had chunks of it sounding exactly like Spotlight by Mute Math. Lulu and I thought they were playing a cover of Spotlight. I probably shouldn't accuse them of ripping off MM because I only heard their song once. I wish I could find the name of their song though. But other than that, TAE is a decent local band, instrumentals wise.

Torches - FTP's only album - was really good. I liked all their songs.
Except for one song - "Pumped up kicks".

According to this article, FTP became famous "thanks to their wildly popular signature tune, Pumped Up Kicks - a one-hit wonder"

Idk why because it sucks!
For decent FTP songs... try Houdini and Call It What You Want. And Helena Beat. But please no pumped up kicks. Bleh.

Ugh why can't all concerts be at the Esplanade.

watwat
I just had four teeth extracted to make space for braces.
Not the wisdom toothies.

As I was heading back home, I had the weirdest conversation with my taxi driver.

Taxi driver: So you sick? Flu?
Me: i gog my teefs egstrated.
Taxi driver: Oh. Wisdom teeth?
Me: (omg i really can't talk i'll just say yes) Yeg.
Taxi driver: Oh... How much?
Me: (omg why) Goo hungred and eggy tree dorers.
Taxi driver: You extract 4?
Me: Yeg.
Taxi driver: Why so cheap? I extract 2. cost me $500.
Me: (crap so my lie didn't work out too well... change plan) Huh.. waig, whad is wisdom teef?
Taxi driver: The behind teeth lor. *points*
Me: Oh... then I digen do wisdom teef. I did the frond teefs.
Taxi driver: OK.

Me: (WHY IS HE TALKING TO ME CAN'T HE SEE I'M DYING)

Taxi driver: You still studying?
Me: (no. D-Y-I-N-G.)
Me: No, I waiting for A revel resulks.
Taxi driver: You what JC?
Me: Ha gong JC.
Taxi driver: Hwa Chong? Wah. Isn't that the top JC? Raffles or Hwa Chong top ah?
Me: Dey are aboug the zame.
Taxi driver: Top 1 or 2 right. Wow, then you must be work very hard one.
Me: Not reary... I was in nayang hi school, so i digen need to take o revels to geg in.
Taxi driver: Oh... you must be very smart huh.
Me: (Dude... I just told you i didn't know what wisdom teeth were!!! Not to mention I sound like a retard right now!!) ...No.

You have no idea how many dumbasses you get to meet in these schools.

Taxi driver: So you working now?
Me: Naw... I decideg to rest.
Taxi driver: Oh.. just now, I fetched this girl at MOE. Around your age. I think she's finding a job there.
Me: I hag sum frans who worg there.
Taxi driver: Why are you not working?
Me: I juss finished A revels and I'll be worgging for next 50 yeargs of my life... Why do I wang to stard worgging now?!!!
Taxi driver: *laughs* Oh you know about the 50 years! No wonder la, you so smart in Hwa Chong JC. That girl probably not from your JC... she's not so smart.
Me: ???!!!??!!

??????????

What just happened?!!

Also - I swear I am not smart. My manfriend convinced me that he's never eaten a drumstick in his life.
I believed him.

how to draw a cat

braces

Welp I got my braces in a few days ago and couldn't eat solid food.

I had to eat porridge and I hate porridge. In fact, before I got braces, I've never eaten a bowl of that shit in my life. In kindergarten, they served porridge everyday and I went on a hunger strike before they finally let me eat the teachers' food. OK I sound like a total spoilt kid. But I never liked porridge.

I was really upset over my limited food choices. So Felicia suggested that I dissolve(?) biscuits in milk and I did just that! Marks and Spencer dark chocolate digestives in milk tasted good!!!

Then I told boyfran "DUDE i discovered this awesome new fudz - soggy biscuits!!!"
My well read boyfran was like "omg wat soggy biscuits trololol"

...AND HE LINKED ME TO THIS GRUESOME WEBSITE

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=soggy%20biscuit

Hence destroying my new favourite food.
Being the nicest bf ever he also volunteered to make me some soggy biscuits.

Hand. made. Soggy. biscuit.

ugh!!!11

I also discovered that AVOCADO MILKSHAKE is the single most awesome fud on planet earth okay i'm on a total avocado milkshake craze now :D

i'm stalking

www.myrollingstar.tumblr.com

Because she has a cool room and I want to see more pictures of her room.

Everytime I see this I'm filled with feelings :(:(:(
SO MANY FEELINGS

She's really good with copic markers too.

hair dye

Okay I dyed my hair with liese mocha orange bubble hair dye :)

For your information, in case you're looking for a DIY dye:

Looks like this in bright light.

Looks like this in pretty dim light.

It's not really obvious, but I don't know of any DIY dyes that make a huge difference to your hair. Previously, I have used Beauteen Apricot Orange and Revlon Colorsilk Red. All of them fade to that grassy brown you see most Singaporean girls sporting, usually within a month. And that's because all dyes fade to that colour eventually. Especially red/purples.

This dye was more drying than the previous dyes, but it was easy to apply and gave me a more even shade.

Fuck my thick hair. Blargh.

maaan

2012-01-11T04:22:00.003+08:00

lol making stuff
Jubbie and I made chocolate-nutella-ferrerorocher cupcakes! They were awesomeee!! We gonna make oreo truffle ballz next

We recently re-organised our business strategy so we have a plan to make many charms now :3 We did a lot of research to make our products more durable. So we had to kill off many designs. Welp everything is neater now and yeahh I can't wait to make new stuff to sell.

We were discussing about making couple products and I said "WE CAN MAKE A DICK AND VAGINA" and that we can put it with the other cute stuff we make and offer them to couples.

random: I thought this was justin bieber
but it turned out to be yagami light from death note :'c

And she was like srsly???? What if people ask me what it is I'll have to smile and say "Ah, that's a dick :)"

LOL OK

outside

mosburger has a new wagyu beef with pan fried egg burger and it's really fucking delicious
also pepper lunch sesame ice cream will be my fave ice cream five-eva
does anyone know where i can get more $10-$20 dresses online/in SG

junction10 is another new mall that has opened in singapore do check out

so busy why
I need to teach two people how to use photoshop; their jobs are at stake. Need to deal with my mother. My brother needs to make his decision about his future in a few days. Tomorrow I'm getting four teeth pulled out and I'll be in pain for two weeks. Haven't bought tickets for the fosterthepeople concert. Blasdghsajdgsaj.

whee artbooks

I got the Good Progress Award for improving last year! :3 The government gave me $250 so now I don't feel guilty about the money I spent recently on an LED lightbox and four graphic books. I bought three t-shirt design books and THE PIXIV 2011 official artbook!!! The PIXIV book is GORGEOUS. The art there makes me feel inferior and jelly :c

y u so good

I feel like i'm losing part of myself because I just can't bring myself to draw recently. I think I lost interest. I hope I get it back soon. I want to make stickers and design t-shirts and make more pretty art :( I also need to design something with my new photoshop resources. Anything. Probably a new website layout.

No one cares about anything new i draw or design now I think @_@
What is art without appreciation?

I'm only all talk now. sadface.
inspiration!!! please come nao.

I'M HIGH AT 4AM

SO BADASS ALRITE
Manfriend got drunk so he decided to declare our relationship status on facebook.
Here's the conversation!

^ now everybody knows your retarded lol

Speaking about the post!
I LIKE HOW FACEBOOK COULD NOT FIND ANY PICTURES OF US HARHAR WE BEAT THE SYSTEM ASHJGADFHADB WE BEAT LIFE BRO

Another thing I like to do is to call him 'bro'
And he'll be all SADFAYCE I'm friendzoned in a relationship :( forever alone level infinity :(
omg lol ok i'll shuddap

For the person(s) who asked about him on my tagboard:
Maaan um idk how to tell you guys about him but essentially... he's a good person. One of the few people who understand what I'm going through with my family and the only one who went all the way to help me even when we were friends a year ago. We are super awkward. We like cool music (but he no like justin bieber which made me very sad) and cats and internet memes and trolling and TV shows (community omg) and hugs :3

And when we got together I was like "Shit.. I need to get over this."
And he was like "You know.. people usually get over breakups??? Not getting together??"
I said something like "Omg but argh i dont believe it i need to get over it ok"
And he was like "Oh boohoo let's go get ice cream and mourn our getting together"

OKAY NO MORE.

...

But one last thing

.....

I love him very much.

k i'll die in a corner now. i'll regret this tomorrow and take it down asjkdhayvbjs

That's it.

2012-01-09T22:29:00.001+08:00

I can't let my mother ruin our lives anymore.
She's going to seek treatment. I'll make her. Fuck this.

Somewhere out there

2011-12-28T02:11:00.000+08:00

Hi how r u

Okay I blame all of you for making me feel guilty for abandoning my blog YES THAT INCLUDES YOU EDDY so fayne here is a post about my boring life okay

ANYWAY there is this totally cool not so new bubble tea place called OK tea and you should totally get their Pudding Milk Tea because it's so ahmazing

What have I been doing??? Well I'm staying at Uncle's now. Um ok so there was prom which was gr8. Then sleepover at janice's house and we watched the meteor shower - it was nice! Christmas party at elizabeth's which was really fun! And the usual hanging out with bff. Recently I went cycling and explored IKEA with manfriend who took me to his family christmas dinner ^___^ Yeah i'm happy!!!

I'm worried about my laziness to start drawing again though.
Need inspiration...

baking!

I went to jubbie's house to bake OREO FILLED CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES! :D

:D

They started expanding in the oven.

EXPECTATION:

REALITY:

...

Yeah so we got boob cookies instead.

We cut the nipples out to make them look like normal cookies. And served the nipples to everybody.

I want to bake nutella cookies next! Or nutella cupcake with ferrero rocher topping :D

Baking is so fun~*~*~*~

i am a girl

Girls you should get this waterproof pen eyeliner at Watson called CLIO PEN EYELINER it's the best ever. It's waterproof, easy to draw and does not leave fall out!
Also makeup is really really fun to put on omg!! It's like drawing!!

~* lol, i'm such a grill *~ ^_^

Also lots of nice $10 dresses at bugis street.
I've been trying to wear stuff other than t-shirt and shorts :(

Also can somebody suggest something for me and bff to do we have virtually nothing left to explore because we've visited every mall in Singapore :(

a levels

I have no idea why i thought it was such a big deal but now I don't really care what I get anymore lol why did i even study ahhhhh life iz gud

job
So my mom called and asked me if I'd found a job yet. She told me to register at the Ministry of Education as a relief teacher.

I said, well, I'm considering tutoring but I don't want to be a relief teacher.

Then she told me about how she worked for 6 months as a relief teacher and gave her parents part of her wages to pay for her lil bro's education.

I'm like, cool bro story!!! ^__^ but I want a break ^_^!!!

....

THEN she started calling me a terrible person with no values. She said that this was no holiday - I shouldn't be having holidays at all. I should start gaining work experience and prep for da real world.

I said I understand that many students are finding jobs, yes work experience is good, but just because I don't want to work it does not mean I'm a terrible person. And we argued and finally she said I was wasting my dad's phone bill.

Huh.

WHAT THE HECK.

1. I DIED studying for A levels with zero tuition. I improved my grades with my own efforts, no thanks to you. I deserve my time off.
2. I'm going to be working for the next 40 years of my life! This will be the last long holiday I'll ever get for decades! So why should I use this holiday to work?
3. I may be leaving Singapore. It's the last few months I get to spend with my friends
4. I don't want to buy anything. I have no need for extra money.
5. Besides, you just spend it all away in the end.

Anyway, I did say I may do some tuition.
Also I'm not being completely unproductive. I want to volunteer at the animal shelter next year with my friends.

So please just let me have my break.

SAT

I got my second SAT score back. I'm disappointed, but I'll accept that 2170 is my personal best and I'll leave it as that :D It's mostly English, and English was never my forte. And you know I'm fine with that! It's enough for the colleges I'm applying to. I don't need all these grammar rules and fanciful vocab to communicate. I did learn a lot about grammar though. Hence my writing section improved from 14 incorrect answers down to only 3 :D! Learnt so much about English- usage of semicolons and comma splices and comparison rules! It was worth it. I personally think people can learn quite a bit from taking the SAT.

Random: I think I'm pretty good at predicting my scores!

overseas???
Also I don't know about going overseas anymore.

After considering the extra $100000 it will cost me (yes - me - because my dad wants me to pay him back) and the fact that I will be far away from boyfriend.

I may stay here and try for law or just do Computer Information Systems. Get my apartment and my cat.

Meh.

I DON'T KNOW!!11
I'LL DO MORE RESEARCH SIGH.

My favrite singer

Number 1 world class flute player:

Community + sitcoms
SO bff told me to watch this sitcom called Community and I've finished two seasons so far.

I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SHOW. It's so brilliant and funny and ahmazing and the soundtrack is so happy but guess what?!!

It's only at season 3.

AND IT'S GETTING CANCELLED.

So apparently it airs at the same time as Big Bang Theory which has 11 million viewers and Community only has 3 million viewers. Also someone told me that the lead character got into a fight with NBC and obvsly show cannot go on without joel mchale.

NO!! I AM SO SAD!!
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!!!!!

I have to start searching for other shows and lower my standards. Community made me set too high a standard for comedies because I no longer find How I Met Your Mother/Big Bang Theory funny.

Also I'm watching Dexter.

So far I'm planning to watch modern family, BBC sherlock, revenge... and maybe Doctor Who, gossip girl and stuff.

K BYE :D

In a stranger's bad dream

2011-11-30T01:57:00.002+08:00

fugg yeah
A levels are over!

Honestly idk I'm not that elated. Same reason as always. I started celebrating a pretty long time ago. Heh.

I'm sorry if my blog has been boring as of late. Right, I know it has been boring. I only talk about concerts and grades. Last time, pageview count really mattered to me because half my life was the Internet, but now it doesn't matter anymore. I write what I want to write.

A levels

I don't know what I'll get, but I can only hope that I will be happy with it. I did what I could to salvage my grades.

GP
Remember what I said about hating GP?
It was because I was bottom 9%.
But during prelims, my comprehension paper score doubled.
So I climbed up to 66 percentile even though I still failed the essay.

If you think GP can't be studied, think again!
You definitely can't study it as much as science, but you should do about 3-4 practice papers. Skip the AQ. It's not too hard, just 1 hour each. It'll only take you one day. I did that and my score fucking doubled!
Anyway, just don't give up. GP is really hit and miss.

Something really touched me. My room mate was googling my name (idk the fuck why) but she found my GP teacher's blog. He blogged about me! His exact words:

And so I just want to record here and now that Sarah Ho, Chng Xinni, Tay Chun Mei, you make the job worth it. I will miss you all very much and our time learning together, though I know you will go on to do wonderful things in your lives:))

I'll miss him... what a nice guy.
I hope I don't disappoint him.
:(

***

Computing
Apart from this, my computing paper really scared me. I finished them both 1 hour early. For Paper 2, I submitted my script and left the exam room early. Then I met Ms Goh, my computing teacher, in her car! I showed her my paper and we started discussing answers which felt so wrong because my classmates were still in the room taking the exam. So wrong ok!!! She took my paper away coz she wanted to scan it.
I think this is the first time a teacher got her hands on a paper before it ended. God.

Worries me because WHAT IF MY ANSWERS WERE DAMN LACKING THEN HOW.

***

Econs: I HATE YOU.
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE OUT OF MY LIFE

***

Math: I'll miss you so bad and we'll meet again and i can masturbate to math equations once again because you know i am asian

...scratch that ew

***

Chem: luv ya. luv science.

university

I just submitted my application for UC Berkeley and UCLA.

If I get in, I am so going.
Being a realist, I know my chances are very, very low.

I really do like California and the UC campuses though.

And,
I accidentally got into a phone call with my mum.

Me: If I get into Berkeley, I am going. Okay?
Mum: Well, sorry to say this, but Berkeley is not number one like Harvard, Cambridge. You should be applying to blablablabla LAW blablabalal MEDICINE blablsblasjhakhfsjafhjdsfv

Me: ..........

Me: I understand that all parents want their kids to go to Harvard and all these Ivy League schools
Me: But most of them just have to accept that their kids are not up to their standard

Yeah then I told her why BERKELEY IS ALREADY VERY GOOD AND I DONT EVEN DESERVE IT

....

......

Rawrw!!!!!!
I SPENDED SO LONG 2 WRYTE MY APPLCAITON AND U TELL ME U WONT LET ME GO BEACUASE ITS NOT HARBIRD?!??!?!!?
HARBIRD - THE COLLEDGE THAT I NEVER EVN HEAR OF SINGAPORENS BEING ACCEPTED!??!?

U THINK I IS A TOP STUNDENT?
Sorry - bad engrish mode off now.

Let's just presume I have the smarts.
How can I ever rise to Harvard standard after everything I had to go through. Everything she made me go through.
But we shouldn't even go into this because I. Don't. Have. that level of intelligence. And I'm okay. The smarter you are, the more depressed you become. I'm happy being happy.

I don't know if parents genuinely want to best education for their kid, or they just want bragging rights.

WELP my dad trusts me to decide what is best for my career. He'll let me go.

Actually I don't know why I'm talking about this... I don't even know if I can get in. Sigh. I'll make myself happy again, whatever happens. I can and I will.

well.

Remember this?
How I felt this was 100% true?

I think I need to be more open minded and less cynical.

I'll be truthful. I think men generally care a fuckload about looks and getting laid. And I believe this because of most men I meet. In Singapore I almost never see a good looking boy with a not so good looking girl. I only ever see the opposite.

And all the boys who tell me "Oh, this girl likes me, but I don't like her because her face CMI (can't make it)." THIS IS A FEW MONTHS AFTER TELLING ME "Oh, I don't care about looks ^^". WTF.

And all the cute girls in my school who get crushed on a lot. (I LOVE LOOKING AT THEM too omg omg ok shut up gurl get back to the topic!!) The pretty girls get all the attention.

And on the Internet I also see boys insulting overweight or unattractive girls, especially on 9GAG.

....
And many other unpleasant experiences gathered from people I meet in school and from friends.

That is why I believe what I believe.

And trust me, it's fucked up and I really want to change my view. The effects of such views on my general behavior towards the opposite sex has been affected in such obvious ways, I won't bother mentioning them.

After talking to lulu, I learnt these:

1. Girls can be as superficial as guys. Girls care about looks too. And who says girls don't look for sex too? Maybe we're just more hypocritical and we don't dare to show all these because society tells us we shouldn't be like this. Essentially, all humans are superficial and we are born this way.

2. I may only be collecting "evidence" to support my view and dismissing evidence from the other side. For example, maybe I don't notice men dating physically unattractive women because I don't want to, because I want to continue believing I'm correct. Could be true. Your brain just automatically does it.

3. How does it benefit me? So what if I have the statistics on how people actually behave? People are people, not trends. How do you know someone you meet is really what you think? Everybody is different. You'll need to get to know the person either way. There are no facts when it comes to people. You don't need these expectations.

....
NOW I AM JUST SO CONFUSED.
I trust my experience a lot. What I see and what I hear and stuff.
But it is obvious I haven't seen everything yet. I shouldn't judge people based on my limited sample size. ~~Not to mention people from hwachong are just screwed.~~

This is damaging, because I don't trust people. I push people away. I have low self esteem because I am not one of those pretty girls so I think no one will ever like me.

I'm being shallow.
God someone help me to stop being shallow and fucking ease up.

And I'll try. Really. I'll try to be more open minded. Less judgmental. I need to grow up.

guitar

I learnt how to play "Fuck a dog" by Blink182 on the guitar. Eh it's actually not hard it's just 10 repeating notes. The song makes me happy and I like dogs srsly & obvsly blink isn't being serious so i don't really care how wrong it sounds ok

Also, intros I learnt:

Giraffe - Miniature Tigers
Comforting Sounds - Mew
Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
Harry Potter intro

As soon as I learn to play chords I will try to learn the full songs.

My guitar so sexy omg

plans
So now that exams are over, I'm making myself busy again.

1. I need to get a decent SAT score.

2. I'm getting chased out of boarding school. I must find somewhere to stay and move out.

3. I need to help my daddy clear my mother's houses.

4. I need to rape my copics all over again and make beautiful art =D

5. Continue with the business I have with jubbie and make more pretty things!

6. BAKE OREO FILLED CHOCOLATE COOKIE and learn to cook.

7. Create a program, iPhone game or something cool and techy.

8. Volunteer at the animal shelter. (WHY IS IT IN EFFING PASIR RIS)

9. Dye my hair. Get braces.

10. Sleep around. I mean, at group sleepovers. No, not mass orgy. Ok the more i try to explain it the wrongererer it sounds. But yes, stayover at friends' houses and run movie marathons.

11. Watch a fuckload of sitcoms and shows. Hell yeah. Play Portal. Read Eragon.

12. Practise lots of guitar.

13. Do sports maybe. Cycle? Skate? Surf ~~the internet~~?

14. GO OVERSEAS WITH MY GURLFRANS

.....

There's like 10 more but I don't think anyone would want to read
AAAAND this is why I'm never bored.
Never ending list of things I want to do, or learn, or try out, or explore.

Busy, busy, busy.

I'm Mister November I WON'T FUCK US OVER

2011-11-10T22:12:00.001+08:00

Love my life :D

Why is everybody so stressed?
I've never been so happy this year. Taking the A levels is so relieving.

I am very happy :)

Half the time I'm thinking of The National because their concert was amazing. I cried during their third song. We were right in front of the stage - 1m away from the guitarist (Aaron?) and very near Matt :') So beautiful.

So emotional.

We were this close!
(So close I don't have any proper pictures of the whole band heh)
~~BE JEALOUS AND WEEP.~~

Money can buy concerts.
That's why money can buy happiness.

Heh I think my best friend looks so adorable here la.

Can't stop thinking about them can't stop listening to them!!!!!
I NEED TO MASTER THE GUITAR SO THAT I CAN PLAY THEIR SONGS.

I got my case study mock paper results back for Economics - I got a B.
A for the micro paper and C for the macro paper. I didn't prep for it and got a B - I feel that I have a little hope. :)

Okay math paper 2 tomorrow and I haven't finished four chapters of stats yet - so ta! :D

wow total breakdown

2011-11-01T16:32:00.001+08:00

I was doing fine for A level studying. Quite okay, no depression, lots of worrying, but I think today everything finally came crashing. Because of what someone said and it really affected me.
Right so all my grades are above average except for Economics. I've always been doing fine not studying it and this one time I decide to study for it and my grades drop. It was horrible for me.

So what the teacher said was:
If you find that you're sacrificing too much for your economics, you must strategize. A levels, just get C for econs.

just get C for econs.
just get C for econs.
just get C for econs.

I was very shocked.
And then I broke down and cried after a few hours.

Actually... lol. Suddenly it sounds so stupid now lol.
I think bottling up everything is no good for me.

I don't know if he meant it. It shocked me because my predicted grade is B and I was consulting him because I obviously wanted something better than that. For him to tell me to "just get C", well, it makes me think that my grasp of the subject is super weak. I mean ok, maybe he's trying to scare me. Maybe he doesn't know my ability because I just saw him for the first time and he hasn't actually seen my work yet. Or maybe I'll get a C. I don't want to get a C.

Also, why am I like this? Do I have the right to be insulted at a 'C' grade? Why am I like this? Can I blame this school and this country for doing this to me? Why do I see myself thinking of suicide if I ever get a C in my results slip? Idk. IDK. Since when did I let myself degenerate into this.... Hwachong student. Ugh help help ugh. Why iz I so emotional. I know I'm being stupid and irrational, but I can't get over it.

Okay, I'll probably get over it soon. I'm a rational and sane person. Yes.

On the bright side :D The National tickets.!

EDIT: I'm fine now :D

For the past two days I was crying non stop. Went to the toilet twice in school to cry, cried in the shower and at home and was totally emo and stupid. IDK WHY I HAVE EMO STUPID TIMES LIKE THIS MUST BE MY UTERUS ACTING UP BUT HELL IT'S OVER. It's over because my friends were there for me and some even sent me long encouraging texts and calls. I cried one last time this morning. Stressing over something that hasn't happened isn't worth it. I effectively wasted two days of precious study days being depressed.

Now I'm pretty relaxed. I'm reading interesting articles for, um, GP. I really hope I can put my heightened knowledge about the relationships and sex lives of celebrities in my essays. I hope I can.

Check this out. Father and two brothers killed a girl in Iraq then walk away scot free. I always tell people I'm not a feminist because of all the bad stereotypes but okay THIS IS JUST HORRIBLE. WOMEN ARE TREATED LIKE DIRT OVER THERE. JKAHSJKADHADHJAKFAG @#&;*^@$*!.

So two days wasted because stress made me depressed. Now I'm wasting another day reading up on useless things. At least I'm happy.

Moar things to be happy about!
1) THE COMIC BOOK I COMPILED JUST GOT PUBLISHED. ajsdshjafgjasdjka

2) I GOT LOTS OF FOREIGN CANDY FROM TRICK OR TREATING THIS HALLOWEEN (: Will blog about it in more detail latergater

3) Miraculously got hands on TWO CATEGORY ONE ROW E The National TICKETS. Thanks to my bff of course:D Idgaf that it's right before A levels because IT'S THE NAT OMG. Stoked!!!! /desperate fangirl scream
Must go study their songs now ok

4) My conduct is surprisingly 'excellent' despite having close to 30 demerit points. If this is true, I may be getting the Hwa Chong Diploma - something i thought was unattainable at the start of this year, especially after all the shit I went through last year.

tumblr
My tumblr is more active than this page!
But yeah, here's something I find highly accurate:

GOD HELP ME I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING
SNAKE'S FACE. SNAKE'S. FACE.

damned if i do ya

2011-10-07T19:04:00.001+08:00

HEY THERE

I probably won't be updating much already until my A levels are over!
That's 30th november for you :\

My priorities:
1. Studies (not fucking up the biggest exam of my life, which is coming in one month)
2. Social Life (movies, arcade, concerts, hanging out)
3. Online Life (tumblr and blogging and shit)
4. Drawing

I killed 4) Drawing long ago.
And since I'm out of time, bye bye online life :(

facebook statuses, twitter updates
1. I laugh at people who post detailed statuses about homework or exams. I think it's a phenomenon you'll only get to see in Singapore.

2. I have no idea why people post lame things like "HUNGRY" and/or "SLEEPY". It's a waste of news feed space! Bitch just make yourself a sandwich or go to sleep.

3. Emo statuses are the funniest things to read.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I HAVE SUCH A MEAN STREAK

4. Most statuses are lame actually. I always picture an image of a foreveralone person writing a status when a new status pops up.

4 goals of the year
1. SL Project
Completed! (:

2. Comic Book Project
If you guys didn't know, I started an Art Club Project! Its full name is COMIC ANTHOLOGY PROJECT and 15 members contributed a comic each :D I recently finished compiling the 100 page book and sent it to the teachers, who are going to send it for publishing! We're publishing one fucking thousand books (even though I protested and said we only want 100)

Soooo when it's out I'll notify you guys :D
I'm very excited.

3. Driving license
Obtained in April

4. Pass NAPFA.
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU GAIZ.
I PASSED NAPFA. A SILVER.

.....
MY FIRST PASS IN 6 YEARS OMG.

Yeah I'm happy because I always thought I was unfit and sickly and would never pass :\ But it was because I never tried. This year I visited the gym three times! Ate breakfast! Slept more!

I was aiming for a bronze and got a silver :D So if you keep failing, just keep trying.

Oh yeah I got bronchitis again this year. I was sick for three weeks. I was down with that when I was very small and had to be sent to hospital. My family's the type who won't take me to a doctor even when I have a fever, so being sent to hospital is kinda serious. Anyway I finally realized why it was always the 2.4km run that made me fail.
In essence, my lungs are pretty weak, I think. So long periods of exercise I dread!

Now I am keeping fit by DDRing at the arcade!

SO ANYWAY HELL YES I COMPLETED ALL FOUR GOALS.

ATL concerttt

YES YOU BET IT WAS AMAZING.
DUH IT'S ALL TIME LOW

Omg so we totally stood 2 hours in the rain waiting for them to show their asses! But it was worth it!

Crowd's different from Two Door Cinema Club's crowd. Very few hipsters! Lots of teenage girls and then there's the adults who act like children. What shocked me was that the fangirls in front started to take off their bras and threw them on stage! Jack, the guitarist, picked them up and hung them on the microphone stand. At least twenty bras were collected. Ugh okay I don't know if I'm a prude but it's just ick.

Alex's vocals were good! I sang along to most of their songs and jumped and really let go :D The rain destroyed my hair already so I didn't care about keeping it in place already, so I guess that's a good thing. I'm glad I went to see them because they were one of my first few bands and they got me into pop punk. Don't really listen to lots of pop punk now but I like their music a lot still X)

Oh and I saw a hwachong girl. She squeezed in front of us so heh yeah lulu doesn't like her much now :P She's the same one from switchfoot. They are fucking everywhere I swear.

Six feet under the stars! :D ♥

Yeah I love those guys.

C'mon the National. Me needs your tickets.

tricks of the trade

2011-09-27T12:32:00.000+08:00

BAHHAHA

NO MOAR EXAMS UNTIL A LEVELS 40 DAYS LATER BUAHAHHA
HELL YA SUCK MY DICKS!!!!!! I AM A SHARK!!!

Okay truth is, after my last paper, I didn't feel anything. At first I was puzzled because I should be really happy but I wasn't. Then lulu helped me figure out why. It was because I already started rejoicing three days ago.

The little studying I did the past three days didn't help at all. Right so here's what I did from friday onwards

Friday - went to eddy's house to borrow his guitar! My confidence in driving diminished further!
Saturday - went bugis to "study" and arcade!! Practise guitar!
Sunday - memorize facts like crazy! Practise guitar!
Monday - No more exams!!!!
INTERNETZ!
Went clementi mall with lulu and HS! Bought cute pyjamas.
Went to Zeke's grandma's house with Abby to watch a horrible movie during which I fell asleep.
Walked down orchard road at 10pm and tried to play the penis game with abby and zeke but they avoided me like the plague!
Went home exhausted and happy.

ARCADE WITH ABBY LATERRRRRRR
YAYAYYAYAYAY

guitar!

I'm learning how to play the guitar.
~~So all the chicks will flock to me and I can get laid.~~

Actually, it's because music is 70% of my life right now and I wanted to be more involved in it. At first I wanted to do drums, but 1. no melody 2. no place to put drumset 3. neighbours sure complain soooo yeah the guitar's good! It's all for leisure, and I badly want to play a few songs that I love :D

My first song - Clocks by Coldplay!
Miserably enough, my hands are too small to reach the first three tabs.
My hand span is 7 inches and my longest finger is 5cm.
So I'm getting a smaller guitar.

Actually, I don't know whether it's because 1. my hands are small 2. I suck at playing or 3. I'm still beginning and I need to train.

Three words: Not giving up.

CURSOR DISCO

http://cursordisco.ytmnd.com/
^ WITH MUSIC

Am I mad for joining in

lube ad

My best friend got it in a few seconds.
Huisuan and I still couldn't figure it out.

:D:D I'm not so depraved after all!

fuck the police

Don’t just fuck the police.
Take the police out on a couple dates. Take the police to the movies or a nice stroll in the park. Feed the police some delicious fondue. Make the police fall in love with you. Then, fuck the police. And then out of nowhere, stop taking calls from the police. Ignore the police. Make the police miss you. Make the police cry.

Dreams don't turn to dust

2011-09-11T17:57:00.002+08:00

exams!!

Important exams til 26th. Above is my outdated timetable.

What have I been doing in the past week besides studying my ass off? Well... Not much. Minimal shopping, zero movies this month. But I did go to many new cafes, restaurants and ice cream shops!

Dinner at Marché or something.
Was crying and pining for azn food.

I wish I did more studying earlier. Last minute revision is taxing and I don't feel anything except tiredness and I no longer reply messages. Everyday's the same routine. /shrug no use complaining. Better get my shit together and try to pass.

For now, the only place I'll be updating is my tumblr because no matter how hard I try, I can't keep off that magical place filled with cat porn, memes, rainbows and Tom Felton. :D

Mm, will update after this shit tides over.

wishmeluckplz

Defenders of jazz ballet

2011-08-28T01:30:00.000+08:00

:( i am a sad

I'm banking on someone selling cat 1 tickets at the last minute.
What if I don't get to see them?
I am so heartbroken.
I don't think I can concentrate on my studies if I know one of my favourite bands is playing somewhere else and I'm not there. I can't.

I really do love The National.
Someone please help me give up.

Idk why I'm having band problems! I should be having boy problems!!
But the only thing I love right now is music and Jonas Bjerre and meows.

***

ALL TIME LOW IS COMING ON 6 OCTOBER!!!
Even though I rarely listen to pop punk now,
they're one of my earliest bands.
As much as I am disappoint in their latest album, I'm seeing them!
Heck yes. Totally stoked!

wtf.

Lol now I feel embarrassed for liking them.

///_///

***

I know I said this one too many times!
But if Mew comes to Singapore, I'll get a heart attack and die.
I'll murder for front row seats.

last day of school

kinda.
No more lessons. I'm relieved.
I don't have to see my class anymore.
It wasn't like I was outwardly bullied.
But I always felt suffocated and insecure around them. ;_;
I'm relieved.

Because I am uninspired and boring, here's a photo spam I ripped from facebook.

ily both ♥

true happyness!!!

Friends forever.
I mean it. I'm 100% sure we'll attend each others' weddings.

My lovely roomy ily!!

OMG please rate my hipsterness!!!

OMG WTF OMG ASDFAJHD

2011-08-14T22:37:00.000+08:00

JUMPING JEHOSAPHATS

FUCK MY LIFE FUCK FUCK FUCK WAT DA FUKC
The National tickets went on sale two days ago!!!
THEY SAID SEPTEMBER!! FUCK!
I wanted the front row so bad!!!

GOD NO
/bursts into tears

F
M
L!!!!!

TWO DOOR CINEMA CLUB

.... was amazinggggg.

NOTHING!!!!1
I mean seriously I had them on repeat for hours after that!!!
I went with lulu!!

When we were walking to the concert hall we played 'SPOT THE HIPSTER'. We saw suspenders, hipster glasses, TRIANGLES. I felt terribly underdressed because I was in my school shirt and shorts and was carrying a primary school backpack :(

But I'm glad I didn't dress up or put on makeup because I screamed like a crazy bitch and jumped 2983743982 tiems! I think I'm still a very awkward fan because sometimes I feel awkward jumping throughout the song. But when they came out I was SO EXCITED!!! omgfuckmeandletmedieokasdhajfdsf~*~

They played Cigarettes in the Theatre, Undercover Martyn, Something good can work, Costume Party, Kids, This is the life, You're Not Stubborn, Come Back Home, and some new songs. The most epic part of the concert was when they played WHAT YOU KNOW. I almost cried because I was waiting for it the whole time it's my absolute favourite!!! ;_; omg. And I was pretty proud being one of the few who knew Costume Party and Kids! :D

THE BEST THING WAS THAT THEY HAD A POST AUTOGRAPH SESSION.
Unlike switchfoot. We queued for almost an hour!!!
And there was this chick behind us who said "Do you think I can hug alex? I want to hug alex."

And we both looked at each other and said 'Who the fuck is alex?'
And that's when we realized we didn't know shit about the band members' names.
I never thought to find out because I was calling them Ron, Harry and Neville all my life :(

OK SO THEIR NAMES ARE SAM, KEVIN AND ALEX.

Not Neville, Harry and Ron.

Lol we suck!!!
AND HERE ARE OUR AUTOGRAPHS!!

My hair is messy after concert @@

me: what's the last guy's name? it says 'gay' on his autograph.

lulu: really? mine's says 'sexy'.

We r so happy.

Now here comes the biggest regret of my life.

I didn't hug alex.
I didn't hug alex.
I didn't hug alex.

OH GOD NO WHY AM I SUCH A PUSSY T.T
EVERYBODY BEFORE ME HUGGED HIM SO
WHY COULDN'T I
WHY. /bursts into tears again

WHY AM I SUCH AN AWKWARD FUCKING PENGUIN
Now they are gone!!!!
I swear I will hug all of them when they come back.

Oh shizzle I love them so much now and I can't stop thinking about them!!!

I am very happy.
Music is the best thing that ever happened to me.

class

In a few weeks
(no I am not going to sing TDCC's 'What You Know')

There will be no more class.

Though I can't wait to get out of their faces,
there are two or three people whom I really like, and they have been nothing but wonderful to me.

But I don't think we're going to hang out after that.
I'm not one to approach people anyway.

It makes me so sad. I want to cry.
I want to hug all of them before they go.

6 billion secrets

http://www.sixbillionsecrets.com
Is it just me, or is every girl on this website getting raped?!
I felt sad when I read the first few secrets, but it got really repetitive after a few pages.

My prom date raped me on prom night.
For many months I've been lying to myself by acting like nothing was wrong.
I talked to him yesterday and found out that he thinks he did nothing wrong.
Men like him disgust me.

I was raped at age eight.
Now I'm afraid of guys. My friend knew this.
Today her guy friends were all over me, smelling my hair and touching me, and she did nothing.
She said, she thought it was cute.
Those screams were real. I wasn't exaggerating.
I'm heartbroken, why did she let that happen?

When I was about seven I went inside to get a drink when I was at my auntys.
My uncle was inside, and he took me upstairs.
Telling me we would play a game.
My uncle took of all my clothes, and molested me.
I lost my virginity when I was 7.
To my own uncle.

The hardest part about the rape was how I reacted.
I should've screamed. I didn't.
You did it four times.
Now I have an STD forever because of my stupidity.
I blame myself.

i won't be the one to disappoint you anymore

2011-08-07T01:00:00.000+08:00

emo corner

You know how people like to blog about third parties without mentioning their names? Or make status updates bitching about them? I always try not to do it. The idea is very tempting though. So I'll allow myself one ~~tiny~~ section of this blog post to say it all to different people.

1. I sensed that something changed a long time ago. Clearly we do not trust each other. (Not that I trust anybody completely, but I feel like I cannot tell you anything anymore.) I think you secretly dislike me. I wish we could trust each other.

2. I never knew you'd turn out like this and I feel that as a friend I should be doing something to help you. But I can't because I'm out of time. I've also become too reliant on you making the first move. I'm a lousy friend.

3. I miss you very much and I want to meet up with you to show you that I have changed and I'm not such a mess anymore. But you've moved on. At one point in time I kept dreaming about you. (in a non creepy manner) I'm so sorry for not doing my best to treat you well last year. But I was so depressed...! I can't ask you out because I don't think you wanna, and we are so different anyway.

Whew. There's a load off my chest.
Interesting fact: All of them read this blog regularly at some point in time.

NAO I FEEL SOo ~*MYSTERIOZ*~ AND BROODY!!!! ^o^

I'm still sick

I don't know what's worse,
being so sick that I can't get up to see the doctor on my own,
or having to wait until 6pm for the boarding school to serve my first meal.

I hate living without a family.

art club

:] They had a senior's farewell partay!
They gave me chocolate! We had ice cream!
I love my juniors!
(It is very easy to bribe me actually)

And we played broken picture telephone again.
It was the least funny session but Grace and I had fun mocking some drawings.

I know that's mean but there was this one time, someone had to draw pikachu and she did not know who pikachu was. So she drew some weirdass cat with random hair sticking out of its bottom. It looked like a testicle and we couldn't stop laughing at Testicat.

I think it's very sad if you are 18 and you don't know who Pikachu is.

y u think i'm cat ballz?!!

Meh. I haven't drawn anything decent for a long time.

results

Okay... they were unexpected.
I did better in the subjects I thought I would fail.
I flunked the subjects I thought I'd do better in.

GP - Wow the essay totally describes my life!!
/writes about my internet life
Result: bottom 9%.

Econs - Wow this is pretty manageable!
/writes stuff I studied the day before
Result: shit, but i deserved it, i guess

Chem - WHY DID I SCREW IT UP SO BADLY
Result: OK. Still 6th in class -.-
(honestly, I am ashamed for not doing better.
I spent the most time on this subject.)

Computing - This was the suckiest paper ever!!!! First, I failed to touch it for the whole holiday because I didn't know how to study it. Then you also know that computing is the boringest subject so I fell asleep with half the material left unstudied. I woke up, saw the time, and I was like, FUCK!!! NO!!!!! and desperately tried to cram everything into my marshmallow of a brain.

During the test, I realised the stuff I studied the night before was worth 4 marks only (!!). And then the coding section (my coding is really shitty) was so bad I thought it was going to be my first 'U' grade for Computing. I was also the earliest to finish because I didn't know what to write for the program. I just stared at everybody scribbling furiously and kept muttering 'you're screwed, bb' under my breath.
Result: A. 3rd in class.

WAT??!?!!1
(╬ﾉ ಠ益ಠ)ﾉ
HAO KEN DIS HAPPEN???
(╬ﾉ ಠ益ಠ)ﾉ
(╬ﾉ ಠ益ಠ)ﾉ

My honest feelings:
I managed to bring all my sciences to a decent % above average. Which makes me feel slightly comforted because my sciences were so AHSFAFHADFGAD last year. People are starting to ask me how to do questions again.

I still feel very unsure about my abilities. I think I'm still lousy. I am scared of screwing up when someone asks me how to do something and then they'll think I'm stupid. I really do want to help people but I think I'll just teach them the wrong thing. So most of the time when people come over with a question, I say "Noooo I dunno how to do it!!" But I do want to help. I really do. I'm just terrified of being wrong.

And GP? Honestly? I hate it. Ever since I entered J2, my grades just went all the way down. Which is stupid because .... I don't think you can de-prove for GP. You hardly learn anything. I knew my GP wasn't good, but I can't believe I did that badly. What can I do? It's not science.

Econs... not much to say. I don't know how the fuck it works. I passed, at least. Still, pass means nothing in J2.

I cannot do Arts. Confirm plus chop. I was born a Science person.

tumblr
There are only two things I do on my iPod:
Tumblr and Tiny Tower.

Dani Shay is a girl who looks like biebs.
Ffffuu I thought they were the same peoples!!

I'm okay with any house I'm sorted into.
Gryffindor: I’m a fucking hero.
Slytherin: I’m fucking badass.
Ravenclaw: I’m smart as fuck.
Hufflepuff: My dorm is near the kitchen.

Meow:

Ugh how can you eat these:

...her face..

Okay guys just... follow me or something because I don't want to turn my blog into my tumblr D:

Oh! I stumbled upon this pencil eyeliner that doesn't smudge at all which is awesome!! It's called DEJAVU eyeliner and you can buy it at Sasa. A good alternative is the Revlon Colorstay (which I use.)

Don't wake me I plan on sleeping in~

2011-07-18T18:15:00.000+08:00

meh!

Something stupid happened during GP. So we were supposed to do some question analysis. I analyzed a question that said something like "Computer games suxX0rz". The lesson got boring so I drew my Maple Story character on my work. I even wrote my username, server, level and job (chief bandit!) on it. It got more boring so I borrowed Jubbie's markers and coloured it in.

And suddenly my name was called to present. I was like "NO!" and my teacher was like "GO!" :( So I went up to present my work and grabbed my writing pad to cover my Maple Story character drawing.

Halfway through my presentation my teacher lifted the pad. Then everybody saw my bimbotic maplestory character (I spent lots of cash to pretty her up) :(:( I was like NOOO!!! ~~fu-~~SHIIIITtTtT!!!1! and I flailed madly in front of the screen trying to use my shadow to block my drawing from showing on the projector.

I don't know wtf happened next but I know everybody was either a) Laughing at me or b) Looking at me disapprovingly. To make matters worse, my teacher proceeded to draw a speech bubble next to my character and put some GP tip inside. -.-

{ Remember to have a balanced stand! )

....
Something like that.
Btw why the fuck is my character naked.

Okay moving on, when I got back to my seat, utterly humiliated, I accidentally left my writing pad on the teachers table. So my teacher picked it up to hand it to me. Then he saw that there was a blank piece of exam foolscap lodged inside. We aren't supposed to bring blank pieces of exam foolscap out.

Honestly, I have no idea what the shit it was doing in there. My hunch is that I picked it up somewhere (not noticing it was exam foolscap - but even if i knew i would have tried to save it anyways) and decided I could use it later on. My teacher scolded me and he made me crush it. He said "CRUSH IT NAO!!1 FEEL DA ANGER!!" or something. So I did. I was crying inside because I never killed a blank piece of paper before.

You know, I hate rules like that. Rules that don't make sense. Rules that murder trees.

I'm not much of a rule keeper. I still do what I like as long as I don't harm anyone. But don't get me wrong!!! 今年我特别乖呢！I only have one demerit point for being late so ~~suck on it!~~ this proves imma good girl!!

my lip

A chunk of flesh got ripped out of my lip because it got too dry.
I now go around telling people I have genital herpes and watch them walk away from me in horror.

pokemon

I finished all three Layton games. Now I am addicted to Pokemon Platinum! I play for 2-3 hours before I sleep, when I wake up, in the bus, ~~in class~~.. /flails I still have HeartGold and Black/White left to finish..

As usual I went with a fire pokemon. He's named Charlie and he's now a Infernape (duh). I ought to have chosen Empoleon ugh I want to use the move Brine.

Mmph okayy so there's something that disturbs me.
Pokemon genders.

For example, look at geodude here:

What if I told you this geodude was female?
Can you imagine geodude with lady parts?

Can you??

How about bellossom with ~~a dick~~ manly parts!?

I'm serious, this whole thing creeps me out :(
I run away from female gravelers and male roselias.

exams

I always predicted I would fall sick right before some A level exam and it came true.

I caught a fever one day before A level computing coursework and got very worried. To demonstrate how terrible my actual coding skills are, I once took my codes to Ms Goh to debug. She took three hours to debug it and told me she's never seen code that was this difficult to debug. (She tried to avoid using the word 'terrible' but used it in the end.)

She's been a computing teacher for more than 20 years.
My code is the shittiest code she's seen in 20 years.

............

So back to the night when I caught the fever.
I was damn scared. Because I skipped all coding assignments last year and I don't know batshit about coursework.

I made myself code the whole thing twice.
This way, it was xferred into my memory and
the next day, I stayed in the sick bay til coursework started.

Then, we had two hours to do it and I coded the program within 20 minutes. -.-
The first time I ran the program, there were no errors at all.
Had absolutely nothing to do for the next hour so I drew a cat girl on Paint. I considered submitting it but didn't in the end.

Memory is.. a powerful thing @_@
I went home to sleep the rest of the fever off.

I was the first to leave the examination room.
I think I did something wrong. It was my own code after all :(

Ahh, please be over soon.

harry potter

Watched the last of the harry potter movies on 14th July.
First and last time I'll say it here:
IT'S OVER!! T_T

Once, in a online chat with fans, JK Rowling revealed
that the third scent Hermione could smell emanating
from the Amortentia was that of Ron Weasley’s hair.

I feel a need to own all seven books so I shall get the box set soon.

Anyway, during the movie, there was a dude with a nasal voice sitting behind me.
I'm not a voice-ist but this guy was hella irritating.

Throughout the movie, he shouted retarded comments and spoilers (probably to show everyone how much he knows the book). He was so loud that I couldn't hear what the characters were saying and had to resort to reading the CHINESE SUBTITLES. FUUU!!

I was so pissed with that cocksucker I wanted to turn around and tell him to shut the fuck up. But I didn't because ~~I'm asian and asians are polite~~ I didn't have the guts.

He was so terrible. For example, when Harry stood at the edge of a cliff, he said "Hee hee hee, suicide!! LOL!!" I mean... DOOD what the heck! Sorry man but you are really immature. Not even seven year olds would do that.

Only one hour later, Lulu who was seating FIVE SEATS AWAY told him to shut up.
People five seats away could hear him!!

Well he shut up for 5 minutes then he started being noisy again. WTF!!!
Thankfully the battles started getting louder and drowned his voice a bit towards the end.

We all wore clothes of different colours

to represent hogwarts houses. :D

Okay, back to the series.. I'm going to miss HP. I'm not a big fan, but I think it's phenomenal.

Really fun to draw fanart for, too :3
There's a combined total of 1000+ favourites for my deviantART HP-related submissions o_o;;

bawl ;_;

How can people not love them ;_;

During the Switchfoot concert,
I saw a hwachong girl.

I just found out that a hwachong girl is going to Two Door Cinema Club's concert too.

I CAN'T ESCAPE THEM!!!1!
I don't know why I don't like seeing them around, but I really, really don't!!

Oh! If you haven't learnt this song yet, learn it!!!

unpopular opinion
Okay so... I don't think my school is a nice school in general. I'll say why...

Firstly, this is just from my experience - what I've seen and heard. I believe I am saying the truth, but I may have a narrow view of things. I may post some very unpopular opinions here - but you don't need to flame me. I'll be glad to hear what you have to say too. I know the consequences of posting unpopular opinions here which is why I try not to do it.

I used to believe girls were the bitchiest things on this planet, but ever since I came here, I found out it was the boys who were capable of the cruelest things. Ever since I got out of nanyang, i'm faced with a new level of bitchiness and I wish I could go back to a single sex school.

Last year, boys from another class defiled a girl's face on their class photo. They were seventeen. Not ten, not twelve. Seventeen! She ended up crying. If you're not a girl, let me tell you that you shouldn't go around defacing them. They take it personally. Also, isn't hwachong a world class institution with many future leaders? I'm worried.

Just this June, a hwachong girl committed suicide. Somehow, I have a really bad feeling about that class of hers too. I know of the relationship drama happening there. What I'm thinking is... If a girl kills herself you wouldn't expect her to have a supportive environment, would you?

Another physics class recently chased a girl out of their class. She's not coming back anymore. They were mean and horrid to her. How did I find out about her? When her classmate put her blog up on the projector for all to see, and then made fun of it. So they don't like the girl and her blog. So what? It doesn't give you an excuse to gang up on her. Even the girls join in to bully her. Not one person in that class sticking up for her. They called her cruel names and vandalized the school's tables and facilities by writing her name on them. She never retaliated. They even considered cutting out her face from the class photo because they don't think she 'belongs'.

Now they think she's not coming back cos she's lazy. Fuck you! Are you blind? After doing all these horrible things to that poor girl, you think she doesn't want to come back because she's slacking off? Not because she doesn't want to see you? Anyway, I get my info from a member of that class, so this is definitely true. They were cruel to someone helpless and weak. The teachers caught wind of it and had at least one person delete their blog posts which mocked her. They even bully her ONLINE. If you're one of them, you were horrible, and you know it. This I'm sure of.

I think it's normal to have one or two bullies in a class, but the whole class ganging up to target one person is shocking to me.

There's more, but I'm sick of recalling everything.

How do you expect me to like this school when I hear of these horrible things? I can't trust anyone from here anymore.

This doesn't mean that I hate this place okay. I'm not saying everybody from hwachong is bad. My friends, for one, would never be part of this. Most of them will try to help. The teachers have been extremely good to me too. Hwachong has its kind people. I know that!

It's just that when I hear of these black sheep, I can't let my guard down. I don't think I can treat people well if they just treat me well. I need to see them treat other people with dignity too. I am capable of hating someone who's mean to other people even when they have done absolutely nothing to me.

Actually, you know what? It's probably not just hwachong. I don't think I'll be liking anywhere I go to in the future. When I go to university, I have to deal with people even more vicious that that. If I get a job, people will be out there to get me and they'll do anything to climb to the top. Some may even pretend to be your friend (I find this sort of betrayal the scariest actually) They'll just hurt you for no reason, so I think everything I experience here is some sort of prep for the future. Surely, the world of adults is much more terrifying.

So, um... if you have anything to say about this, you can just say it, I guess.
I could learn something. #abruptend

chemistry art

I did this during chem lab!

Tools:
Methyl Orange
Universal Indicator
Phenolphthalein
Aqueous Ammonia
Sodium Hydroxide (aq)
Nitric acid (aq)
Sulphuric acid (aq)

The idea suddenly struck me when I saw those bottles of indicators.
I think I was supposed to be doing something else....

But it's cool.

I kinda like chem, if only I wasn't so bad at it.

I am crazy!!!

2011-07-06T16:11:00.001+08:00

kisses
I love hershey's kisses so much~! I bought 4 big packets! I have this temptation to go to school with all my Kisses and ask everybody if they want a Kiss. And people will look at me all weird and call me a whore so I guess this isn't a great idea. They should call it Hershey's Hugs or something. Besides, they melt way too fast. So in my snacks drawer they will reside forever!!

Well, they could have named it something worse like.. Hershey Blow Jobs. You can't offer these to people and disappoint them with the Hershey version. It's a scam.

exams

ONE WORD: BAD.
BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD.

Studying takes everything out of me. I don't know how to put on makeup anymore or cut my hair properly. I get so frustrated and start punching my Justin Bieber poster on the wall or I roll under my blankets looking like .

Listening to Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack calms me down and makes me feel like I'm on a (crappy) adventure, sailing the seas of delocalised electrons to reach the land of β-pleated sheets of a protein --- That makes no fucking sense right? I think studying kills your brain. Phrases you've been forcing yourself to memorize float randomly into your mind when you least expect it, interrupting your thoughts. I don't like it and it makes me unhappy.

TBH, I did study during the holidays but not enough. I went out too much! Played too much! Throughout the holidays I kept worrying that my schoolmates were studying more than I did and I felt blargh. I really need to get out of this elitist school. There are too many things people do that make me queasy.

Anyway after my last exam I went out with lulu! :D We went to many places because we are such awesome efficient people!! First we lunched at NEX, travelled in circles and finally reached SPCA to look at kitties, went back to NEX but no movie, so we went to AMK hub to watch horrid movie where main character hung minotaur penis around his neck as trophy, had 2 milk teas for dinner, did eyebrows, cut hair, and played on the swings. We tried playing the dessert game where you shout a name of a dessert when you swung to the high end but she kept shouting 'APPLE!' so twas no fun. I STILL LOVE SWINGS~*~

Btw, I made a horrid error in my previous post when I was griping about how shitty my English was. I wrote 'worse' instead of 'worst'. I hope nobody noticed.... wellllll that was ironic.

after a~!

I can't wait for all my exams to end and then I can dye my hair dark reddish brown (Lulu calls it Dark Whore Shade #3. Basically any colour that isn't black is a whore shade.) and give it a japanese digital perm.

My fave hair porn site is http://www.beauty-box.jp/style/long/!

I like this whoreshade too! Make it redder and it's Whore Shade #3.

Asian women ftw!! o^-^o

I need to learn how to cook too.
I am a woman. I belong in the kitchen. My sole duty in this universe is to make good cucumber sandwiches.
...er,
Also, I want to make healthy food. Outside food is too unhealthy.

uneasy

One thing I hate about human nature is that people like to see other people get humiliated. There was this kid all the way back in the hall and he had to make his way to the front, after the teachers singled him out in front of everybody. Because I was kind of in the middle, there was a sea of faces turning in my direction to stare at the kid. I felt so awkward facing them and wondered if I should turn back to look at him too. Every. Fucking. Person. Staring at him. Can you imagine how that kid felt?

If there were two men in the middle of the street humping each other and you went to look, that is okay! I mean, free porn bby!!! And they don't mind it. But things like this? It isn't difficult to mind your own business and not keep staring.

I've been humiliated before. When my mum beat me up in public, everybody looked. When a teacher singled me out for not paying attention, everybody looked. They all want a free show.

Sometimes people make the "Orhhhhh" sound when people get publicly humiliated. It always puzzled me why they had to make such retarded sounds. Please someone enlighten me. Maybe most people take humiliation easy and love being a public joke, and maybe I have too big of an ego and no sense of humour. I don't know. Just... mind your own business.

james franco~!

He is like a Hugh Dancy - Keanu Reeves hybrid!!! OK no not really.

DAT SMILE!!1

NO NOW I GUILTY!! T_T

I've seen Natalie Portman in the last few movies I watched.. or close to that! She's in everything! She is pretty and amazing... But she's in everything! :(

i only keep myself this sick in the head 'cause i know how the words get you

2011-06-25T03:08:00.000+08:00

MY AMAZING DESKTOP

onoes

Exams in two days! It ends on 5 July.

Whole chapters left unstudied for Math/Chemistry.
And I haven't touched a single blob of Computing because IDK HOW TO STUDY IT.
IDK HOW TO STUDY ECONS TOO.
I have to refer to the answer key for 90% of math questions. Math is my best subject.

....

Okay, things aren't looking good. Honestly... I feel terrible.
Um. I can't do much now except flip through some lecture notes the day before the test. /dread

Never mind that!!
...
Now I'm downloading more DS games!!!
I finished most of them and had to play Cooking Mama to pass my time.
Seriously. Cooking Mama.......
I hope Pokemon White works.

After my exams, it's A level coursework. Whoopeedo~!!

My sleeping time is still 5am - 3pm. EXAM TIME WTF.
I need to restart my body clock.

-_- nya
I got my SAT scores back. It's prolly lower than my school's average. At least it wasn't below 2000. The thing is, my writing was only 84th national percentile. *cringes* wtf. My math was 98th percentile. I always told myself 'Musho you're an inner Arts student!' but I always do better in science. Always.

Truth is, I don't read a lot, don't know about current affairs, don't have a lot of words in my vocabulary bank. GP is my worse subject. Okay la, this isn't the first time you heard me complain about my language skills, or lack thereof... I guess it's fine, s' long people understand what I talk about.

album recommendation

I KILL PEOPLE - JON LAJOIE

First heard about him when Shun Git played 'Alone in the Universe' during Art Club.

I got his whole album after that. His songs are chock full of vulgarities and stupid stories and it's plain silly to listen to them, but somehow they crack me up. The way he raps and sings. I think in the end, it's all harmless.

My favourite songs in random order
1. Alone in the Universe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShTm8MnUAjo
Sounds vaguely like a Coldplay song at first.. but becomes super troll in the end.
He can sing.

2. Listening to my penis
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWrFWGTa3H4
MY FACE HAS 'JUDGE ME' WRITTEN ALL OVER IT.

(I can't stop listenin' to my-- )

3. In Different Ways
Stupid story that cracks me up. Lyrics:
I have no penis. It was torn off
In a bicycle accident in 1999.
I also lost one testicle so all I have is a weird uni-ball
And a rubber tube between my legs
But babe, I can love you in different ways

...
His lyrics are so ridiculous I can't take them seriously.

T_T I am so childish
I'll prolly regret posting this
It's 3am after all and I say stupid things at 3am
I shall go taobao and shop

seven days in sunny june

2011-06-19T04:45:00.001+08:00

My favourite character from Battle Royale has just died.
My life is over.

license o.o

I finally retrieved my license o.o! It glows rainbow!
Wah my face very ugly!!1!!

I don't know why take photo must show eyebrows. I'm going to shape it anyway!! It's so ugly I pasted a picture of a rabbit over my face on my real license.

Oh god I haven't been taking care of my face and now I have caterpillars for eyebrows and two pimples ;_;
Plus, I cut my bangs all wonky. /crai

random stuff o.o

A few days ago I broke down and slept through it.

I wish they didn't choose to make me angry when I was having During Menstrual Syndrome. It's bad enough to have your bottom feel like slush. I used to shout expletives and do stupid things and bitch on my blog (see post where I texted 'Fuck teachers' to a teacher! =D) when I lost my temper at someone. I got into a lot of trouble.

But now I can control it and repress it. Be silent. I think that's a start to losing this immature side of myself. Work on the outside first.

Sometimes I really don't know if it's my fault when I'm upset with people. When I ask my friends for opinions, they seem to side with me and feel angry for me. Am I really that unlucky to come across these people all the time? Or I'm being oversensitive..? I wouldn't be too surprised. Okay, don't scoff at me. I'm not perfect either. I make people angry too.

I think some people still believe I have a really bad attitude and temper. I don't blame them because I got into a lot of trouble for it. It's a shame though. I wonder if it's still there. Sometimes I dream of being a mermaid and living away from all these people with just me and my mercat. Escape from everything.

Please just know that I try to improve.
I'm learning to be quiet now.

drawing o.o

my ipod! :D

Jonas from Mew
and Kings of Convenience! ♥♥

Mmm yeah and I'm eighth row for Two Door Cinema Club!
Totally stoked!

keep my heart where the drugs won't go

2011-06-09T04:38:00.003+08:00

neverending rant pt2
2 days ago, my mum screamed at my brother and beat him up and broke his phone. Then she bit him. So he ran away. Then they didn't know where he went. He's probably back, but then again, my family doesn't bother to tell me shit. She called me and YES WE DIDN'T QUARREL!! At first she thought he ran away to find me (ya fat hope he'd rather turn to his friends than me) but she believed me in the end.

First, I really hate it when she bites people. The only consolation is that getting bitten is not as painful as ... her twisting the skin on your arm or kicking your stomach. But the bite mark is ugly as fuck and you can practically see how her teeth are oriented on your arm. It turns purple black and smells of her breath. Even after you wash it with soap you can still smell her breath on your arm. It's really disgusting and savage.

Secondly, I'm sick of having to go through so much trouble just to help my brother. Did I mention we were supposed to visit our weak and sick grandfather on that day? I'm expected to bloody act like nothing happened when he abandons my plans? Doesn't even bother to get back to me. I've been constantly telling him I HAVE MY HANDWRITTEN SEC 4 NOTES THAT ARE BLOODY GOOD. WILL HELP HIM SCORE. But they don't give a shit.

If there's one thing I hate, it is trying to help people who don't want to help themselves AND don't even show gratitude for your sacrifice. And I also hate bugging them, I hate sending two smses in a row. Seriously if he enters a crappy school I'm not going to care. I have my shitty grades and projects to take care of. People with this family were supposed to commit suicide long ago and we should be commending ourselves to still be alive.

Ok I'm sorry i said that, obviously didn't mean it... I just feel frustrated and shortchanged in life.
There were so many things I was deprived of doing or possibly excelling in. I had to drop piano because she wouldn't buy me a piano (no space to put it) and there is no way you can advance to grade 4 just practicing 1.5 hours a week, cos i ain't no musical genius. In Chinese Dance I was slow with splits because there was no space to practice my splits at home and I took 6 months to finally do a full split plus I felt I was too ugly to be a dancer anyway. Now I can only look on with envy when I see pianists and dancers.

And by the way, my mum told me not to visit my grandpa because "I will blame him when I fail my exams." And I said "Whut, because i visit him once a year or something? I should be blaming my movies and shopping trips right???" Um seriously wtf. Does she love her dad or not.

.....

Enough of this whining!! OK but seriously I am fine....

BECAUSE OF LOVEMEOW.COM!!!!!!

Allow me to express my absolute devotion to lovemeow.com! It is the first site I check when I wake up and the last site I ogle at before sleeping. I've been linking it to EVERYBODY!!!1

I'm going to post ♥cats♥ in ~~compromising~~ adorable positions and let you indulge in the ~~cat porn~~ enlightening and inspiring photos of felines.

HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU RESIST THIS!!??!

This is Sicca who is my favourite lovemeow kitty.

*WETS PANTS*

LET ME DIE.

~~KITTENS SNUGGLING WITH AN OLD MAN'S CROTCH~~

Frankly, I find this rather disturbing...

KILL. ME. NOW.

OK SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR
A LAND OF JOY ... AND... JOYNESS AWAITS YOU
IT IS WHERE CAT LOVERS GO WHEN THEY DIE!!
(＠｀▽´＠) (＠｀▽´＠) (＠｀▽´＠)

!!! Stop capitalizing everything Musho you crazyass girl

I mean, guys, really, if you love cats and I'm sure you do, you should go there and you'll be a happy person like I am right now. :3

P.S. I want a cat so bad. I'm thinking of naming my girl kitty 'Nori'.

artoftrolling

/tips hat w respect

OMG how can they do this to justin?!!!
Ugh what horrible people (*￣^￣)

D: le sigh
Also, my roommate has returned to her homeland for the holidays so I have to whole room to myself. It is v. scary because I sleep at 4am and the only good thing is that I can blast music and walk around naked in my room.

You might think I am screwed up and this isn't what normal people do but actually, it's not that obscene if you think about it.

Here is why you should go naked in your room:
1. It is a rare opportunity if you live in a boarding school
2. You're the only one in the room! It's your own body so what are you ashamed of!?!
3. Save the environment with natural cooling.
4. It feels so FREE
5. If you can't see your pubic hair it is a reminder for you to diet and lose that tummy
6. A reminder to wax your----

Um, obvs this is getting waaaayyyyy too disturbing 2 b srs.
But but I still believe you shouldn't be embarrassed about walking around naked in your room.

But yeah, you know how I always said I hated being alone and used to cry? o.o When I first moved out and stuff. Now I don't feel it anymore. Guess that's how brains function. We get over things so easily.. at least I know I do =)

youwon'tcare

But KYA I am damn excited because ticket sales for two door cinema club start TOMORROW!!! Going with bff and choping the best seats I can get!

Low quality cat image totally unrelated to album title-
HIPSTER CD COVER!

Ugly animal hoodie and poser poses-
HIPSTER PHOTO!
(Hot nonetheless...)

Ya and I'm still going for The National even though it's one day before A level Chem Paper 3 :'D

Matt's voice!!! ♥♥♥
THIS IS SUICIDE BUT BUT BUT I LOVE THEM ;_;

:O photos

I FINALLY FOUND HERSHEYS COOKIES AND CREAM KISSES \o/!!!

Panna cotta and gelato (*ﾟ▽ﾟ)!!!!!

Start to draw females when I try to study!! n_n

edit: AGFSGHASFHAFHJKL!!! Ok I'm wide awake and sober now. I chose to leave most of this inappropriate post alone but seriously I can't believe I literally went insane because of a kitty website and wrote nonsense. This is a warning for me not to drink alcohol at all in case i do something stupid like post a picture of my boobs here or something. I slept at 6am and woke up at 3pm. I. Am. Sober!!! Okay now to prepare myself for the greatest battle tomorrow.. BUY GOOD TWO DOOR CINEMA CLUB TICKETS!!

e_e.

2011-06-02T23:51:00.002+08:00

a neverending rant.
I fought with my mum.

So on tuesday I taught my brother how to write expository essays and how to differentiate. It was good, he said "I've never solved so many math questions with so little difficulty before!" After that we went shopping ... for his assessment books. I constructed a study plan for him and it was all good because he got the computer out of his life and was willing to study.

The next day, he texted me.
"Don't fucking blame me if I fail my next exam. I have no fucking study environment and that fucking cheebye mother drains all my motivation away. go Fucking blame her if u want"

Well then I asked him what happened and if I should speak to her.
He said that she "distract me, rage at me, scream vulgarities at me and demoralize me".

I said not to listen to her 'mad woman's bullshit' and told him to get daddy to sneak him out (i.e. help him run away like I did) so that he could study in peace. For just five months, mind you.

Guess what, she had to read my brother's text messages.

Then of course she got real pissed and called me. She spoke in a calm tone and asked me to listen to her. Then she told me of all the things she did for my bro and all the shitty things that he did, which I have alr reprimanded him for. Like she tookaway dinner for him one night. (Leaving him to starve for many other nights?!)

Then she said there was no point in me running away since my teacher's testimonials were still 'lousy'.
Which I find puzzling because ever since I left home my teachers contacted only my daddy. Also, in sec 4 my average marks increased by ~20 marks and majority of the teachers were pleased with me. I graduated with an MSG of 1.8, which is an avg A1-A2. It is evident that I have improved ever since I left.

It quickly escalated into her scolding me for taking my IC back.
And other things which will bore you even more so let's stop here.

...
What is the point of telling me what she has done for my brother? All the things she described were either ineffective or what mothers are supposed to do.

She stole my IC when I was sleeping and gave it to my grandpa for 'safekeeping'! What kind of screwed logic is that, take my IC and blame me for wanting it back??! I needed my IC to take my driving test and my SAT -.-

So I quarreled with her because IT IS MY BLOODY IC IT IS MINE!!1 I HAD A RIGHT TO TAKE IT BACK. It turned into a shouting match, and she told me to shut up, so I hung up and turned my phone off. 9 missed calls, that night.

...
In summary, my brother will not do well and his whole future will be ruined thanks to my mum.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

My brother is taking bloody NINE subjects. O levels are in 5 months.
That's trip science, history and geog. TWO MORE THAN NORMAL.
It is evident that he can't take so many. Yet my mother won't let him drop bio.

He has no place to study in the house and has to do work on the filthy mattress.
My mother, when in the house, will demoralize and disturb him and scream at him.
I've been through it. It is not good.

It is not good at all.

I don't know how to help him anymore. I feel terrible and guilty. It's very hard for him to run away now. ~~Like how an element's first ionization energy is less than its second ionization energy.~~ When I ran away, it was OK because my mum still had my brother. If she loses my brother, things will get ugly. She'll go berserk. Even murder my dad if he doesn't spill out my brother's location. I'm not joking. My brother and I once lived in fear that she'll murder the whole family one day.

I feel like I've abandoned them by running away.

Here I am, surfing the internet on my cozy bed.
My dad is still sleeping on the dirty floor.

They always had the shorter end of the stick. They never fought or demanded for more, unlike me. I always took all I could get. Because we were offered so little.

All I wanted was normalcy. Or something close to that.
Was I to blame for being the only one who fought her?

I got beaten up naked for turning on the heater. They lived without it.
They got the cockroach ridden floor to sleep on. I demanded to sleep on the sofa, which was still cockroachy but not as bad.
They used soap from the rubbish bins she insisted on making us use. I refused and bought my own, and had to hide them from her.

When I was young I didn't know things and I followed mum. I had a part of my mother in me. My brother had to tolerate beatings from both my mum and me. I hit my brother till he cried and pulled his hair like my mum did to me. Sometimes his head hit the floor and he would be hurt very badly and I'd be so scared and apologise. Then I'd hit him again a few days later. I was a shitty older sister. Yes, I feel fucking bad about it and I know I was very screwed up. He had a harder life than me. I cannot blame him for not performing as well as me (not that I did great).

My dad has suffered the most. He's the only one who can do something about it, but he chooses to lose thousands of dollars a month to her insane habits. I know it's because of her that he has high blood pressure.

The NY school counselor had the nerve to say "Your situation isn't that bad. I've seen worse." Thanks, that gives you an excuse not to help me!
She had to say, "You're only a child, no right to interfere, so just get a scholarship and move overseas and you don't need to see your parents for a long time!" As if I were only seeking help for myself.
Bloody motherfucker.

People, you know that something is wrong when your whole house looks like this. When you have four houses looking like this and no one's there to stop it.

You know something is wrong when your mother goes out at 2am to search thru rubbish bins and brings trash home, forcing you to do it with her when you were young. You know something is wrong when you have to use used water from a mouldy tub to cleanse yourself. You know something is wrong when you have to get water from public water coolers, when you have to wash clothes in public toilets. When there's a huge rat in your house and hundreds of cockroaches. When you get beaten up till you bleed and vomit. There is something very wrong.

In fact, if you have read my Feb 2010 archive you'd have known by now, it's crazy there.

You must understand that there were many things we didn't have.
A bed. Hot water to bathe in. Clean clothes. A proper house. Dinner before 11pm. A table. A chair. A peaceful environment without someone screaming vulgarities for 4 hours straight.

Well, what about my brother now?
There is no reasoning with a mad woman.
Do I just sit there and watch?

Maybe I will rule out going overseas and get my own apartment and get him to stay with me no matter what. I just wish my dad ended all our suffering for us.

You must think that I hate her. I don't. She's my mother and I love her. People get really surprised when I say that and they think it's something great. I'm sorry if you think I'm glorifying myself but I can only say that I am being honest and documenting my past experience. Anyway, it's not great. Because if you were me you'd still love your mother too. I cannot explain it but it's a natural instinct. You just can't hate your own blood. Maybe I don't love her as much as you love your own mother but I definitely do not hate her. It's not her fault that she is deranged. She has good intentions, but she cannot see logic as long as she's mentally unstable.

I admit, I speak of her too often as a mad, wild animal. I need to see her as human, too. Okay, so I tried to put myself in her shoes. If I were her, I would be very hurt if my own child called me a 'mad woman' (assuming I am her, I won't be able to tell that I'm truly mad) So it was reasonable of her to be upset. ~~Even though she asked for it by checking my brother's inbox.~~

So would it be advisable to call her up and apologise to her, say something like "mum you aren't actually mad, i was just trying to pacify brother so I said it." and tell her gently not to scream or shout or say demoralizing things to my brother? For his sake? Would it work? Can I actually convince her to give my brother a table and chair? It seems so far-fetched guys. I can't reason with someone who is so stubborn and violent. Can I? It'll just end up in a fight. It always does.

I need to do something to help him. Make up for all the horrible things I did to him when I was ten.

I'm really sorry if I appear to you as negative and whiny, even attention seeking/emo/self-glorifying/evil. This rant is by no means a post to make you sympathize with me or treat me like i'm a fragile being. It is very hard for me to pretend that everything is fine on my side, to deal with this silently and I just needed to write it down. But I am, for the most part, doing just fine.

foreveralonecookies

I will shape my cookies like this the next time I bake.

comic comic comic

Click here to view it!
^ On the bright side, i completed my comic strip.

randomness

THE NATIONAL IS COMING BACK TO PERFORM.

.....

.......
In the middle of my A levels.
One day before Chemistry Paper 3.

..........&@!^*&$@^*$^*@($@

By the way, are you all not tagging me because I'm posting hipster youtube videos/because I like justin bieber? I only like one song of his, by the way.

if i could trade mistakes

2011-05-29T02:11:00.002+08:00

Goodbye, indie cred

I bought Vans.

And I like Justin Bieber.

I'm completely serious.

Woman Hits Moose on Way to Visit Sister Who Hit Moose

Read more: http://newsflavor.com/world/usa-canada/woman-hits-moose-on-way-to-visit-sister-who-hit-moose/#ixzz1N0RaD1m3

HAHAHHAA I can't stop laughing this is utterly absurd!
How does my best friend know all these stupid things IDGI!!!

I agree with her that teachers should spend half an hour discussing interesting, quirky news with students. Let us share all the hilarious news we encounter.

Then I don't have to pretend to pay attention anymore.

I want this bag

Need to order from taobao soon!! :C
Okie I know I have crappy taste in bags, no need say.

pedobear srsly

I drew pedobear and pasted it on my front door.

Much to my bemusement,
my next door neighbour drew a female bear to reciprocate.

WTF?!!
Is my drawing of pedobear that bad?!
Does she not know that pedobear only likes little children and doesn't want a female bear?
Or is my next door neighbour trying to pull a Rule 63?

I will never find out.

half-awake
I failed my first math test in months. I should have expected it. Did the tutorials one month in advance and didn't touch the notes after that. I'm not going to pass the block test.. cannot make it.

The 7.2mbps internet I signed up for reaches 100kbps at most. Jeez.

My brother scored 20-30/100 for Chemistry, A-Math, Physics and Biology. THE FOUR CORE SUBJECTS. I never scored below thirty for anything WTF. Not even in JC. NO ONE SHOULD BE SCORING THIRTY FOR SUCH EASY SUBJECTS. This is preposterous! He neglects personal hygiene as well. He's taking O levels this year. I can't help him. I don't live with him. I text him telling him i can study with him. He ignores me. And I hate bugging people, especially when they should be the one seeking help! I hate it. I hate that I have this family. Hate that I'm the only one who seeks change. I can change myself. But I cannot change other people.

My papa's diagnosed with high blood pressure and high blood cholesterol. Health is deteriorating. Well, considering he's living with my mother, I should have expected this, right? What can I do if he's gone? I don't want my dad to leave me alone with my mother.

My mother is fucking with more of my dad's property, and we're losing thousands of dollars each month.

I visited grandpa who's very old and very sick. He could not even walk properly. My auntie said "Leave him alone. He can do it himself. He's a nuisance, just like your mother." I left the place without giving him a hug and found myself crying at the lift. I can't explain why.

Meh, I'll float on.

god i miss old panic

It's like they went backwards in time or something.
But they're still good ;_;

I AM SO IN LOVE WITH JONAS' VOICE.
So in love!!! ;_; ;_; ;_;

Dyeing my hair tomorrow despite kenyao's warning that it causes hair loss.
I already bought the dye anyway.

I saved myself for someone somewheres sweet caress

2011-05-22T02:30:00.001+08:00

Hi here's a post. Sorreh :(

FANGIRL TYM!!!

TWO DOOR CINEMA CLUB!!!
I want to see them play so badly ugh so excited!! *_*
..They should play in a 2 door cinema hah.
/camps at sistic

:D
It would be nice if Anberlin came too. Or Kings of Convenience.

And the band I'd kill to see is Mew. I'll die happy!!! I think I'll just get a heart attack and die during the concert asdfahsdfsasdfs. Why won't they come to Singapore? Apparatjik's fine too, as long as Jonas Bjerre is there. Mew mew mew mew mew mew mew mew mew mew why won't you come?!

PIRATES PRIESTS MERMAIDS
I just watched PoTC 4.

ASDFRTWRTDFVJAHFDJKAFVJHABVIUHSBVFYUFUWIFHWJ
JHDGAJDGUYWFGUWEOFBJKVBJHSBVJHSBVJUHSWFOUWF
BFDYUIWASHAFSHAJGSIOFEHFKHLKKFIWJWHFUWKAUYDF
um..

........MERMAID X PRIEST!!!

AHSAHSADAFDHADSHJADJ :O
I'm a mermaidXpriest shipper wtfwtfwtf!!!

....PHILLIP.

/NOSEBLEED.

asdfhjkl!!!!
....
Sorry I'm just really happy right now because I just watched Pirates ^_^_^__^@!!!!

Oh wayyyttt crap I completely missed out Jack

SAVVY?
(Oh, jack.)

Best. Movie. Of. The. Year.
Go watch nao plz.

serangoon NEX

..has the newest library in Singapore! I really love the mall, it's bigger than vivocity. It's like a maze I swear!!

I walked into the library and immediately spotted the book I was badly wanting to read. It was brand new. Then I searched for this other book and found it in mint condition. How cool is that?!

marvel @ my dolphin bookmrak!!!

So many books on my to-read list T-T

sad lyf

sketched during computing.

After teh muvee I bought a cherry printed dress. It's a huge waste because I don't wear them out. I have a fetish for anything cherry/ribbon/cats/rose printed! They're so gorgeous.

Lately, I haven't been studying.. I keep going out. Haiz I know I always complain about this but it is true. Even when I try, I am unproductive. On the day I kept myself at home to study, I spent the whole day solving just three math questions because I was so distracted. Books, art, DS, iPod... I can't seem to stop. IRDK how I can pass my exams now. Seriously I am not smart like all my other friends. ( ._.)

Ah, and I started a new DS game. It's called Professor Layton.

To make things worse I'm going out the day before the big test for Cosfest. And before that, I really hope to follow Lulu to SPCA to pick her cat. She is naming her kitty Misha and she insists that I name my future kitty 'Musho'. (HAY MY NAME IS PEA, BUT I MARRIED MY CAT, SO I'M MUSHO PEA Y'KNO??? HAI.) I want to name her Detective Mittens! :C Shit I don't know. I want a cat 2 cuddel wif so bad!!

Meow meow.

i stalked..

a dead girl.
She committed suicide.

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/singaporescene/teenage-girl-falls-her-death-ang-mo-kio-140049870.html

I visited her blog and read most of the first page and decided that I liked her. She's very pretty and extremely honest. Has personality. Good English. Cool surname. Shouldn't have died imo. She lived in a place with a cool mall, too. So why girl, why?!

Lots of people commented 'RIP' on her latest post.
Some told her that she shouldn't kill herself just because she didn't do well academically. Which was stupid, because firstly she isn't there to hear you anymore and secondly, didn't the article tell you that she committed suicide because of relationship problems?!

And people are assholes too.

Anonymous said...
Is dying fun you assfuck ? kill yourself to become famous aah ? go die lah mofo
Anonymous said...
oops i forgot you are already dead hahahahahahha ^ lol burn in hell then hahahahah
Anonymous said...
so selfish to end your life like that.....

Bitch alert! It's her life, not yours. I'm not saying that it's okay to kill yourself but... You don't know the exact circumstances so you have no right to judge her.

suicide is a sin, since you didn't cherish what God has given you especially since you are an atheist you're probably going to fall to hell

Um d00d seriously?!!

What's the point?

Sigh.
Even though I'm not religious, I'm praying that she's peaceful now, if souls really exist and all.

SL IS DONE!!

Raised $597 for the Cat Welfare Society with jubbie and cm :)!
Well, it's roughly only enough to sterilize 10 cats, but as cm stated, cats have nine lives. So we saved MORE THAN NINETY LIVES YEP.

So I only have one last goal of the year: To publish the comic anthology book.

Here are some highlights:
1. Our SL Teacher and other teachers
Our teacher in charge, Mr Yee, is awesome!! He volunteered to look after our stall when we had lessons. He also let us store things in his car and office and helped us to carry them. When we told him we lost money, he said "I can make up for it." We said "NO!!" ahaha. Well, he is truly a blessing to us. The best thing is that he doesn't even teach us! So nice. Thanks Mr Yee!

Teachers who visited the stall tried to find things to buy. We had really crappy stock, so one male PE teacher walked off buying a $12 tote bag which said 'Sterilization is love' (srsly wut). It really touched me to see people buying things for the cats T.T

2. Volunteers and Joo
Thanks to all those who volunteered! :):)

There's this kid called joo ern who is a junior. Basically he volunteered eight fucking hours at our stall. At first we thought he was desperate for CIP points. Jubbie asked him why he volunteered for so long. His said earnestly, "I like cats. I have a cat." And then he really begged his friends to buy stuff from us, saying 'Save the cats! Save the cats'! He helped us to earn a lot of cash.

He volunteered all his free time to help the cats.
What a good kid.

Sadly my friend and I creeped him out.
Friend: I've always wanted a cat.
Me: Me too! Imagine when you get a cat, you can start telling other people "WANNA COME TO MY HOUSE TO SEE MY PUSSY???"
Friend:YES. WANT TO TOUCH MY...

...Yeah. You get the idea.
He stood there with a horrified expression on his face.

...
Anyway, I'm glad to know we have people who are really passionate for cats in our school. It is very heartwarming. T.T Seriously, people just put $10 without buying anything just to donate to the cats.

3. stickers
I stayed up til 4am to draw these stickers. Jubbie printed and cut them, sacrificing her finger in the process. It was all worth it, however.
They sold out within 6 hours, and we earned $101.5 in total, which we donated.

Sold out! :D
Apparently, more people are interested in buying them. So hopefully we'll be printing more soon.

4. My SL mates!
Thanks so much to Jubbie and cm for ensuring that the SL ran smoothly :)! I am aware of the time and effort you guys have sacrificed. Let's all be happy that we raised so much for CWS!

I'll probably try to give more suggestions to the organisation and maybe design some things for them. I really want to be rich so that I can donate large amounts of moolah to kitties in the future ._.

...
Heh okay long post is long - time to sleep.

And we'll all float on!

2011-05-10T19:03:00.001+08:00

birthday~

meow meow meow meow meow~
Thank you I had a nice birthday!!! Thanks for the presents, cakes and food.
HUGS2ALL!!!

I watched Water for Elephants with bff on my birthday :]

One of the most memorable nights: With the art club people~! We sat at the sky terrace and played stupid childish games and drank alcohol

What else..
Oh!! This is for Zhen Yang, my birthday neighbour, who made me a super awesome birthday card even though I always call him a bad person. Upon receiving his card I felt so indebted so I went early to school the next morning to rush this.

Luckily he likes it! It sparkles like Edward. I'm glad I have a card making factory in my school locker.
I swear if people put enough pressure on me I can turn into a card making robot and generate one card per hour.

My cute new phone~

Apart from my horrible grades and lack of sleep, life has been juz gr8......
sorry if i have nothing cool to post, i guess i got more boring.

you were the last high~~~~

2011-05-04T22:36:00.001+08:00

5 may

Really sorry for the lack of updates.

I'm begging for this day not to come, not because I want to remain eighteen. Honestly, there's not much difference, being nineteen or being eighteen. It's because it's just not a good week.

Shh. I know. I know I stopped talking weeks ago.

But I wish nothing ever happened~ :C

april

April's been a pretty cool month
- I got my driving license
- I passed NAPFA for the first time in 7 years (I did not fail after all)
- I watched 5 movies
- Read more books than the past year rofl
- Got a new pink phone and panda bag and lavalamp and other online shopping

- SL project approved
- And my very first rock concert

SWITCHFOOT WAS AMAZING. I know you don't care, but I care, I care a lot and it means a lot to me. I have never felt so speechless with joy. When the riffs for 'Stars' started playing I stood there feeling so so overwhelmed. And then and then they played Oh! Gravity and Hello Hurricaneand Gone and sweet jesus on a bicycle everything was so real. Okay it was real!!!!!
I sang til I was hoarse, that night.
It was infinite.

Switchfoot I love you it was the best 80 bucks spent ever.
Jon keeps singing in my head. Dayummm.

WE ARE NOT INFINITE

WE ARE NOT PERMANENT

♥

Two Door Cinema Club is next ^^

wut

Amarillion.

2011-04-23T22:39:00.003+08:00

I'm a driver!

These were my four goals of the year:
1. Pass NAPFA
2. Comic Anthology Project
3. Meow! Service learning project
~~4. Driving license.~~

Well~
I got my license on 18 April! At 18 years old :D!
I passed with 10 points on the 2nd try~

FAIL:

PASS:

Improved from 40 points so not bad~!

Yes, I am quite proud! Coz I think I worked pretty hard for it and I got it.

COME TO ME ~~QT PAI~~ mazda 3!!!

The license took me 6 months to obtain.

Anyway!!!
I don't want to drive. For four reasons.

Reason 1
I got my license so that I could get it at 18 years old. It's a stupid reason, but I did it for the sense of accomplishment. Sadly it was an expensive goal - KNN ALL THE MONEY I SPENT I'M SO SORRY DADDY :( ($2000+) But at least it's a useful skill - more useful than getting tuition imo.

As for the rest of my goals.. I am working towards them, slowly but surely. I am angered about failing NAPFA by 3 seconds but I don't want to complain anymore. I'll just do my best again. If I fail, then I accept that I'm not fit enough and I'll pray I don't die early. :C

Reason 2
My license picture is ugly and I am in my school uniform!!!! wtf!!!

Reason 3
This was from my previous post:
I was leaving the driving center when I saw all those who have just passed watching a big TV. The TV was playing happy music and a flowery female voice was saying '~*congrats on getting your license!!!~*'. The funny thing was that those people were watching it with stoned expressions. It was ridiculous because SHOUDN'T U BE HAPPY YOU CAN DRIVE NAO!??!?!?!?!!! I wanted to slap all of them but I walked out anyway.

.....
NOW I FINALLY KNOW THEY LOOKED SO STONED DESPITE PASSING. Here's why.

When I obtained my license I was directed to a room where I had to watch a compulsory video. It was k at first, I mean they played some nice flowery music and there was this OK looking traffic police man and he was saying stuff like congrats. He went like "So... now I bet you are itching to get on the road. But before that..."

And then BAM.
There was this bloodied face that was completely smashed to pulp.
BAM.
A badly twisted, almost severed leg (or was it an arm? I can't tell)
BAM.
Dead old lady.
BAM.
A young woman crying dramatically "You murderer!" (I laughed at this, sorry...)
BAM.
Dead little school boy run over by a van.

AND 2389472394 BILLION MORE MUTILATED BODIESSSSSSS

.....

I was speechless. (We weren't supposed to talk anyway)
And everyone was like *stoned expression*
THE VERY SAME STONED EXPRESSIONS I SAW.

OMGOMGOGMGMOOGMMOGOG?!??!?!!!

KYA OMG WTF WAS THAT FOR!!!!
I JUST TIO MY LICENSE THEN U KPKB ME FOR WAD?!?!?!?!

I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE
DON'T WANT TO KILL PEOPLE
OMOMGOMGOGMOMMNOMNOM

I hereby swear that
1. I will not drink and drive
2. I will be wary of pedestrians on the street
3. I will not overtake dangerously like I always do
4. I will be patient and not speed on the road

Yes. I swear it!
I don't want to be responsible for taking a life. It's not very pleasant!

Reason 4
dad: xinni, you pass your driving test issit?
me: i did!!! ^-^ 10 pts!!
dad: so when you want your car?
me: ....
dad: when?

.......
....
me: dad, COEs are S$44000.
dad: so you don't want buy now?
me: I don't need a car.
dad: o.
me: maybe after A levels.
dad: ok.

COEs are certificates you have to buy to own a car. In other countries you can drive for less than 1k, I bet. Like in Borat, the guy bought a car for real cheaps.
But because Singaporeans are so filthy rich, we have COEs to stop us from buying cars.

So yeh I told my dad I don't want a car now... it would be a waste of money.

So..I'm not getting a car:( I will just rent one and go on pathetic road trips on this tiny island. Blah.

Yeah.
I think that's all I've got to say about the whole driving thing.

Kintan troll! :D

I was in the bus when I passed by the bus stop where Kintan was standing!
I texted her!

Me: ooh ur at the bus stop!!!
Kintan: I did not see u!!!!
Me: Of course you didn't. I'm at Macs now. I saw you on my Google Earth App on my iPod.
Kintan: What the fuck that is so creepy.
Me: Yeah it's like the newest stalking app.
Kintan: That's invasion of privacy I swear. What macs are you at?
Me: Bt Batok macs.
Kintan: So what was I doing at the bus stop?
Me: You were standing there.. Possibly flagging down a bus.
Kintan: WTF so creepy!!!!!!!!! :'(

LOL AND THEN I WAITED FOR HER TO TELL HER FRIENDS ABOUT THIS CREEPY IMAGINARY APP BEFORE BREAKING TO HER THAT I WAS JUST TROLLIN'.
THERE WAS NO SUCH STALKING APP.

I think I haz mastered the art of trollingggzxzxzxzx!!! ^.^

new art

Please click the buttons to view new art! (COPIC | SKETCH)
Or better, look at my gallery here:
http://mushopea.com/art/art.html

wtf

msjianglai.wordpress.com
this woman is insane :/

...
Time to go.
Okay. Honestly I feel really lousy and fat, having done nothing productive the past few days. Whatever it is, I'm doing way better than last year. And that's something to be thankful for. It's a busy week ahead.

snow brigade

2011-04-20T09:15:00.001+08:00

tumblr
http://mushopea.tumblr.com
is my tumblr!
I will probably update it more often but it will all be reblogs probably :O

I created it to record pictures that I find pretty, so it's not a blog per se.

art

I scanned my art C:
But I'm too lazy to display all of them right now.

nyannyan

OH MY TIAN IT'S A POPTART CAT

/swooon
nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan !!!!

I CANNOT UNHEAR

OMGOMGG (panda)

MY PANDA BAG HAS ARRIVED

NEW PANDA BAG

(jk, that's a pic of my old one)

MY SOUL IS RESTORED

~~MY GIRLY PARTS ARE TINGLING~~

I AM A HAPPY (ﾟ∇ﾟ*)

Omg it's so cute it reminds me of 3 years ago when I first got it~

And it's one of the few things I've stayed loyal to~

Online shopping is fun!

Now for my ipod skin to arrive heh~ ♪

P.S. I'll try to do an update on my driving test! Soon~

Disappear, get outta their sight ~ a distant life~

2011-04-12T17:25:00.001+08:00

Saturday - SOY'C.

Ming kang as pedobear!!

Later, I got to carry a cat at Raffles JC. I was so damn happy.

the cat looks like it absolutely adores me

Now I'm back to feeling empty~
But it's okay.

I feel insecure, but I won't complain right now.

PUSHEEN!!!!

http://pusheen.tumblr.com

I hate bad writers
I may be guilty of hypocrisy, but allow me to make snarky comments regarding this article on REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY. I found it in the 'Guide to degree/scholarship' magazine given by my school. I can't believe they let them publish this rubbish.

HOW TO ~~LIE~~ USE REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY

Reverse psychology is defined as telling a person something that is the opposite of what you want them to do or actually believe. The idea was enforced by two German psychologists - Adorno and Horkheimer.

The duo's theory that people respond in an opposite or reverse direction of what they are told has been tested and proven since the ideas debut in the late 1970s. Want to test the theory out? Here are some tips on how to use reverse psychology.

REVERSE PSYCH IN DATING

Understand that reverse psychology in dating can work to a big advantage. If he is playing hard to get and just wants to be friends, girl you can say that you agree and just want to be friends as well. Say that you think this is actually better and what you want as well. Guys, does she say that she is not ready to spend the night with you? Comeback with reverse psychology and tell her that you agree and think waiting is best. These are just a few ways using reverse psychology can keep your partner guessing and help in a dating relationship.

WAIT WHAT?!! Stop right there. Just stop.
1. Why should a boy play hard to get if he just wants to be friends?

2. How will agreeing with this boy make him like you?

3. LYING TO A GIRL SO YOU CAN GET LAID IS NOT REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY. Did you just teach us how to score a quick fuck .... in a scholarship mag?! And did you think that...

gf: Sorry I don't want to do it right now..

you: it's alright, i'm willing to wait :)...

gf: ....FUCK ME NOW!!!!!

...that this would happen?

NOT IN A MILLION YEARS, VIRGIN.
Solution? Rape or drug her. Higher success rates.

4. Keep your partner guessing.
...
In other words, do your best to establish distrust in the relationship and lie as much as possible. This is the essence of a healthy relationship!

PARENTS USE IT TOO!

Keep in mind that parents are probably some of the biggest fans of reverse psychology. Many incorporate techniques into their parenting style and don't even realize it. Reverse psychology works well with children because many just want to do the opposite of what mom or dad is telling them. A great way to incorporate reverse psych as a parent is at the dinner table. If your child doesn't want to finish their dinner saying something such as "Bet you can't eat the rest of your veggies" has been known to work time and time again.

So it makes it perfectly OK to lie, since parents lie too~ :)

Situation 1:
Mom: Bet you can't eat the rest of your veggies!!
Little johnny: *eats all veggies*
Situation 2:
Mom: Bet you can't eat the rest of your veggies!!
Little johnny: That's right, I can't.

Tell me, which will probably happen?

Sigh. Let's move on.

Use reverse psychology on your parents.

Teens often use it to manipulate parents into weekend parties, shopping trips and extra allowance money. Oftentimes refusing or saying that the party at Anne's this weekend doesn't sound too much fun will often work on a parent.

You (walks up to mom): Hey mom, there's a party at Anne's this Friday. It doesn't sound too fun, so I don't feel like going.
Mom: I DEMAND THAT YOU GO FOR THE BORING PARTY. I WANT YOU TO HAVE AS LITTLE FUN AS POSSIBLE. YOU ARE BANNED FROM YOUR ROOM.

Yeap, definitely works.

You: I don't want to do drugs, mom. Drugs are bad..
Mom: SMOKE THIS WEED, NOW.

Try it out kids! Manipulate your parents!

Be sure to practice and make it believable.

Having a reputation as a manipulator is not good (so you fucking admit it) but using these techniques to help further relationships for better. Practice your ~~lying~~ reverse psychology in the mirror to make them sound convincing to the person ~~you're lying to~~.

*facepalm* I don't even know where to start.

WHO THE HECK WROTE THIS?!?!??!11 RAWR!!!!
I think there is only one way for this article to actually make sense.
It is using reverse psychology to make you think that reverse psychology is bad.
Bazinga! It makes sense now!

Wanus
So chunmei was telling us about the wanus, something she heard about on radio.
Apparently,

wanus = pinky finger

So let's imagine if everyone started saying wanus instead of pinky.

Edward: I'll never leave you, Bella.
Bella: Really?
Edward: Yeah. Never.
Bella: Okay, WANUS PROMISE ME.
Edward: ?!! Uh... repeat that please, sweetheart.
Bella: Wanus promise that you'll never leave me.
Edward: Uh... are we supposed to sodomize each other or..?
Bella: No, dummy. Wanus is your pinky finger!
Edward: Uh, right. Promise.

Two of them lock wanuses and kiss each other on the glossopharyngeal cavity.

Two months later...
Edward: Bella, I don't love you anymore. I'm leaving you.. for Jacob.
Bella: BUT YOU WANUS PROMISED ME! YOU WANUS PROMISED ME THAT YOU'LL BE WITH ME FOREVER!!1
Edward: Stop repeating that word for christ's sake!!
Bella: (sobs) Wanus wanus wanus wanus wanus wanus wanus wanus wanus!!!
Edward: SHUT UP! I anus promised Jacob-
Bella: .....YOU WHAT?!!!!
Edward: Perhaps I shouldn't have revealed that.
Bella: I H8 U!!!!!!

Hmmm. Not cool...
Okay, no more useless facts for me.

Btw, twilightsnarker has updated :) he is amazing~

Panic!
Panic! At the Disco's new album - Vices and Virtues.
Amazingggg.
Go get it.

the only thing he ever studied was you / he knows your body better than you do~

2011-04-01T15:51:00.002+08:00

new ipod

////EMO RANT////

I bought a new iPod and earphones. I feel so guilty. Theoretically, one has to work 180 hours at starbucks for what I just lost.

I hate whoever stole it. I've stopped listening to music since and I can't seem to love it as much as I did last time. It's made me miserable, very miserable.

My important notes are gone. Itunes refuses to restore them.

////END EMO RANT/////

But I'm glad I made full use of my iPod's functions. I fully appreciated my music, took photos that looked wonderful (to me, i mean), browsed nice art, played lots of cool games and surfed the internet non stop with safari.

Moving on, now!

funny conversations.
pedobear
Me: My girlfriend is like Windows. She's 7.
Yyj: How about, my girlfriend used to be 98.

omg??? cool beans!!!

what's up dawg
shungit: ..and I like updog.
mingkang: hey, I like updog too.
me: ? What's updog? (what's up dawg)
me: Hey, what's updog?? :(
...
me: What's updog..? :( :(

:'( douchebags refused to tell me until I realized they were making me say what's up dawg.

how do you..!!
So one of my friends whom I shall not name is in NS. Let's call him X.
Something I find very funny happened.
I think the convo was something like this.

X: I can draw anything
His platoon mate: Wow like, really anything?
X: Yeah. Anything
HPM: Oh... even a penis?
X: Sure.
HPM: Draw it.

X draws a penis.

HPM: ..........
HOLY SHIT HOW COME YOU CAN DRAW A PENIS SO WELL!?!??!?!!!1111

(Might I add that I am proud of my friend, X.
You have made Art Club very proud my friend)

They see a sleeping dude.
They put the picture in front of his face
And they wake him up.

YOU LOST THE GAME.
Jubbie: so, it's all the same...
Me: ....(whispers) I lost The Game.
Teacher: Yes, Miss Chng, mind telling the class what you said?
Me: Um.
...
Me: I lost The Game.

Teacher: (booms to the whole class) HUH. YOU LOST THE GAME.
Teacher: WHAT GAME IS IT?
Me: Um... Um. I can't say it!!!!! :(
Teacher: You can't say it. Okay, tell me what I said just now?
Me: Um. Kay.. I don't know T_T

I could've died on the spot. (T_T ")
I'm getting more distracted.
I won't do well.

interview
lu: so let's come up with snarky answers for interviews.

Interviewer: What's your greatest strength?
you: MY BICEPS.
Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?
you: I'M TOO PERFECT.
Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
you: IN THE MIRROR.

CAT
Lu: ..Oh, I'm going to get a cat
Elizabeth: That's nice!
Me: WHAT?? OMG?? Why didn't you tell me!
Lu: I'm telling you now...
Me: It should be *phonecall* ONG I'M GOING TO GET A CAT *EXCITED* not *browsing books in bookstore* "oh, i'm going to get a cat."
Lu: Okay.. I'M SO EXCITED OMG!!!
Me: Omg!!!
Elizabeth: Okay...
Lu: Yeah so my mom was like "YOU CANT LET THE CAT OUT OF YOUR ROOM" but obviously i'm going to let it out!!

Lu: Should I get a girl cat or a boy cat
Me: Girl cat!
Lu: Why?
Me: Actually gender doesn't matter, all cats are cute!
Lu: I think I want a boy cat.
Me: Boy cat??
Lu: Why? The penis is cute.

...

Me: D:
Elizabeth: D:

random
one
Hahahah I love ^those two girls^ much much ♥♥♥!
Watching HOP tomorrow with them! Then it's a class senior junior dinner hmm. :'/

two

I need to chop 5 inches off my hair NAO.
After A's, if I don't like my dye job I'll cut a bob. Mm.
Blonde highlights or chestnut brown hair or orangey brown hair?
Idek!!!

three

I finally got my newspaper boy cap! It's in hwachong colour blarghjsgadjsds... but I like the look of it! I hope there be an art club outing where all the NS guys come in hats and I can be one of them and blend in :D

four
I did so many drawings & comics in class!! I WANT TO SCAN IN NOW.
WHERE IS TIME??! WAIT, WHERE IS SCANNER?!
I finished the lineart for my sticker sheet too..

Oh well, here's a recent design for my CCA.

computing

Few days ago, I was walking innocently as usual.

Ms Goh looked at me like
and grabbed my hand and said 'YOU DID VERY WELL FOR YOUR TEST PAPER!!'

I just went like,

She continued to hold my hand and said 'VAAAAAAAAAAST IMPROVEMENT!'

I just went like,

Then she went like,

Then I said ou .... ^_^ That's great to hear.
(I hope that means I'm not last in class anymore?)

I got an A in the end.
In fact, the whole class probably got A anyway.
Wow wtf, they must have had a very bad impression of me to react to my A like that.
All I did was start to do assignments.. -_-

That's all I'm going to say, I didn't do well in my other papers so I'm ashamed to say anymore. Meh.

wake up drama queen

2011-03-27T13:49:00.001+08:00

okay serve me right
Dear friends,

Life blows.

My iPod Touch and Klipsch Image S4s' were stolen from me while I was fast asleep last night at East Coast Park during a camp. It was less than three months old. The guys went to McDonalds for breakfast so that's when the thief decided to make off with my iPod and another MacBook.

The creepy thing is, the thief is really a troll. See, I was really sleepy so I dumped it in a tote bag that said "SHOP THEFT IS A CRIME. DON'T RISK IT."

So I bet the thief was thinking "Well, I'm stealing from a poor innocent sleeping girl! It's not shop theft! Gimme!!!" Then he took my iPod.

We made a police report.
C3LDM3W6DCPC is my iPod touch's serial number. Not sure what I can do with it.
My iPod also has a PIN. Dayum, I should have played my new racing game til it ran out of battery if I knew I'd never see it again.

First Vietnamese Hacker now Troll Thief. This is really saddening. I am very upset, I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really need my music. I want to cry. It's my best friend okay and it's shared lots of tears with me okay how can you just take it away from me. Okay and all my important stuff's inside too. I'm getting my bro to pass me my old iPod Nano for now.

Anyway, time to move on with this loss. I am not that upset compared to 7 hours ago. I'm already hunting for new iPod. I'm going to treat my new one very well and make sure I don't lose it! And I'm going to custom make it a very nice skin with one or two favourite bands on it. Maybe write there "Stealing from sleeping girl is crime. Don't risk it." so people don't take it when i'm zzz-ing.

Please shower my tagboard with lots of sympathy and call the thief nasty names. TYVM!!!

deerskin bag

I am glad the deerskin bag is not ugly. It looks plain but it's big and very convenient. The best part is that it looks fake so I have managed to convince myself that my dad got scammed. It is PLASTIC! NOT DEERSKIN! Yeah. My dad is always getting scammed overseas. I think he got scammed into marrying my mom too. I have inherited this sad trait of his because when I'm doing chemistry papers I always get scammed. People like to scam me all the time too. My whole family is so dumb.

My dad never signals left when he turns left nor does he check his blindspots when he's driving. It's now very fun to sit in his car coz I always get to shout "Signal leh!" "Check your blindspot leh!" or "Why you not in center of lane!?" now that I know how to drive. I never knew my dad was such a reckless driver. I think actually when you get your license you don't care to do the safety shit anymore.

I know he's spoiling me too much because of what my mom did but I will tryyyyyy to get decent results at the end of the year and get a design scholarship or something. Idek.
-_-

I'm going shopping with my bro later~*~
I want VANS and a new lava lamp!!
And an astronomy bedsheet.

random

I was very stressed so I doodled on my banana and ate it. It looked like it died peacefully.
Look:

It even has a beauty spot!

Exam's over

2011-03-24T14:57:00.001+08:00

Exam's over. I should be able to post an update soon.

Meanwhile, here's some photos and stories :)

photos :)

My pretty girl friends who -1 IQ point every time they take a picture of themselves

OMG jubbie gave me PUDDI CHOCOLATE

Thank u gurl~*~

I love chocolate!!

puddi puddi!

OMG my classmate gave me a

*MY LITTLE PONY* MAGNET!!!!!!

ur all so awsome gaiz!!!!!! ;w;

sweetie bell is my favourite little pony!!!

Winged eyeliner.

I adore my pretty bag.
I made an extra effort to make it look as bimbotic as possible to burn people's eyes!!
It's a pain to carry though.

Speaking of bags, my daddy went to HK, so I asked him to buy me a new pandabag.
Old readers probably know how much I love my pandabag and how much time I wasted finding it in Singapore. Anyway, it's been 4 years and pandabag is all tattered but it's not available here anymore :(
My daddy came back to Singapore yesterday and called me.

Me: So did you get my pandabag???

Dad: Pandabag? Oh... I cannot find leh.

Me: Huh... okay. I'll buy it online I guess.

Dad: But I bought you another bag.

Me: What kind of bag is it?! :D

Dad: It's $100+ bag.

Me: *explodes* WAT!??! Oiiiee my panda bag is like only $70 and i use for 4 years, u go buy $100 bag for what!!!

Dad: Oh, it's made of the.. the deer skin.

Me: *mega explodes* OMG WAT?!?!??!?!

I asked for:

Because I love animals

But I get:

?!??!?!?!?!?!!

?!?!?!?!?!!

Me: Okay, look, I appreciate that you bought me a bag, but HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CARRY AN ANIMAL AROUND?!!!
Dad: (doesn't seem to comprehend my question) When I pass to you arh? Or mummy will find out and take it away.
Me: Do they like shoot the deer beforehand for the meat?!!
Dad: You want or not? Or mummy will take away.
Me: /cry cry cry

....

Mmmm, so he's gonna pass it to me soon.
WTF DO I DO WITH IT?!!!!
I know my reaction was pretty bad, but I really don't want to lug a dead moose around. Stuff made from animals creep me out majorly.
Me want panda bag!! Me no want dead moose.

Dead meese...

artdate.
I went to the library and read books for children! I sat there with the three year olds.. and honestly, they were the best books I ever came across. The illustrations are so good. One of them even made HS cry. Preschooler books must be really great.

There was this book called 'louie!' and it was about this piggy who loved drawing but his teachers hated them.. Then he got kicked out of school. He kept drawing though. Until one day somepig came along and sold his art and he became rich. I want to be Louie because he is so much like me.

Mm, I really want to make picture books for kids when I'm older.
Someone else can edit my horrible England skillz.

So I bought these stickers and I liked how they did the expressions!

I got inspired to make my own stickers, so currently I'm working on the lineart. Here's the WIP:

I am very excited to see how they will turn out, and I cannot wait to show it to you guys!

Can you spot radiohead + theradiodept + puddi + llamas? :D

Hope I can get to scanning soon.
Ciao~!

i don't feel alright / in spite of all the comforting sounds / that you make

2011-03-17T00:30:00.001+08:00

i am a fail!

Hi guys!
I failed my first driving test with 40 demerit points!!

The good things:
1. No immediate failures!
2. No failure to check blind spots
3. Perfect execution of vertical AND parallel parking, S-course and direction change.
4. Only one mistake made on the road, YOU STUPID LORRY. @^*@^#*@

My fumbles:
1. At the start, I got nervous and obstructed a vehicle.
2. While driving out of my parking spot I went too close to a motorbike.
3. The ramp, which I usually have no trouble executing, cost me 10 demerits.
4. I was too blur to hear my tester slam the car for the emergency brake.
5. I did not wear my lucky panty :/ It was in the wash.

I was not used to the level of the new ramp and the new circuit in general. It was very crowded and it was hard not to get close to cars.

I learnt a lot, but.
I feel bad for failing.
I will give it my all, on my next test. With luck, I can pass. I must tell myself I can.
My dad was very nice about it and he just said to try again.

I wore makeup to look grown up so that the tester will pass me. HS says she doesn't follow my logic but would award me points for being a bimbo. This alarmed me because my goal in life is to look like a bimbo, not to be one.

Oh yeh, so when I got out of the car, I knew I failed. Disheartened, I made my way to the review room and plonked myself on the chair and emoed. Then this person, who looked about twenty, sat beside me and attempted to start a conversation. He said: "How was your test?" I replied "Oh... I fucked it up."

And immediately regretted it. For one, Musho, YOU DONT SWEAR WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME YOU LOUSY LOUSY LOUSY LOUSY - Anyway it was alright later on and he said my fail wasn't so bad.

Then the tester came in to review my test, and that person waited for me to be done before leaving the room (he just failed, for the 3rd time too), but I met my instructor, so I ran off without offering words of comfort or a 'good luck'. I wish I did, coz I feel very bad, but hopefully my lack of etiquette didn't affect that guy. I am always very reproachful about my actions but I hope I am just being critical about myself.. @_@

Anyway, WR says my fail is not that bad also. I think they are just trying to comfort me but I appreciate it. My papa failed 3 times and my uncle 7 times. I will just keep trying.

As I was leaving the driving center I saw all those who have just passed watching a big TV. The TV was playing happy music and a flowery female voice was saying '~*congrats on getting your license!!!~*'. The funny thing was that those people were watching it with stoned expressions. It was ridiculous because SHOUDN'T U BE HAPPY YOU CAN DRIVE NAO!??!?!?!?!!! I wanted to slap all of them but I walked out anyway.

So that wraps up the day of my driving test.

thx gaiz..

j: I heard The National concert was cancelled :(
Me: WAIT WHAT? JESUS CHRIST ON A POGO STICK!!! The Nat? CANCELLED?!!!
j: There was a big CANCELLED sign at the Esplanade :(
Me: NO WAYYYYYYY!!!! *goes to check*

..AND WTF. The National is not coming to Asia.
My first concert. Cancelled ! WTF WTF WTF.

And so, I have decided to attend Switchfoot.

AND THEN.

kintan: do you know that the creator of pokemon died in the japan tsunami????
Me: huh.
Me: WHAT?!?!?!??!?!!
Me: THE CREATOR OF POKEMON!?!??!
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Me: (insert screams here)

-------my phone rings--------

Me: GUESS WHAT GB!
GB: What happened?
Me: ASJHJASHIUEHFpokemon JAHSKAHSKHAJScrator JHDKHDSKDHS dead NCDJSKBDKWBFJKWF incoherrent fjvsk KJSDBLSDrambling!!!!!!!!!!!!
GB: I thought he already died.

Me: Kintan he's alreadyy dead!
Kintan: Really but my friend told me he just died!
Me: WELL WHO IS YOUR STUPID FRIEND?
Kintan: It was __!
Me: WELL YOUR STUPID FRIEND IS STUPID.

Me: Wait.

Google search:

Satoshi Tajiri creator of Pokemon is not dead in Japan’s Deadly Earthquake

Turns out it's just a rumour.

...
And he was never dead.

....

Books & Reading

I finished perks of being a wallflower.
It was wonderful.

Honestly when I was small I wanted to write something like that.
I wanted to write books and illustrate them.
I used to write short stories about teachers I disliked, and I made 7 pokemon comic books. During class. My teacher kept confiscating them and I kept stealing them back. There was this classmate who always asked to read them. I used to make up stories to tell my brother. I scored very high for essays in elementary school, and I really, truly loved writing. I wrote like Dahl becaused I loved his books. I still love Dahl.

Now I know I cannot write a book, because my language skills are mediocre. So poor that there was this girl who didn't want to be in the same English project group as me because she was scared I'd pull down the group's score. Incidentally this girl is now one of my best friends and she has probably forgotten, but it was then when I realized I shouldn't pursue this dream anymore. In fact, it was only today that I remembered I once had this dream.

I might have stopped writing but I have never stopped drawing. I am glad that I don't need to force myself to practice because when my mind wanders, and I come back down to Earth, I see that my hands are already working on a picture. Most of the time it is an ugly picture but it is still a magical thing. I may not be good but I am grateful that I like to do something that much.

Back to books!

I never read a lot. My parents never bought me books and my mother scolded me every time I borrowed them from the library. I think she threatened to beat me up if she ever saw me borrowing books again, but maybe I don't remember correctly because she threatened to beat me up for lots of things. And she did, when I did them. Since I don't live with them anymore, I think I should read more on my own. So today I borrowed the first book from The Hunger Games and I bought The Life of Pi.

I want to read Haruki Murakami but I've heard bad stuff about that writer. Like only pretentious people read that.

Then again, I should be reading about why phenols can react with aqueous sodium hydroxide while alcohols cannot. (~~can they!!?~~)

edit: OMFGG OKAY I LOVE THE HUNGER GAMES. In fact, I am going to do a comic of a scene from The Hunger Games! I could not put the book down and had to finish it in one sitting!! /crycrycry Which means I am dreading my coming tests... But GUYS YOU SHOULD TOTALLY READ IT!!!!

earworm

So good!!

comforting sounds~

2011-03-11T16:55:00.000+08:00

SAMURAI BURGER?

AAA?!?!? Y U CHANGE INTO TEPPANYUCKY BUGER?!?!?!
GIMME BACK MY SAMURAI bUGER
@#^&@^#*@ FAGETS :'((

WAAAHHHH

i (kinda) am

failing again.
sigh

it's hard to console someone when they are sad about grades.
because you kinda can't help someone if they are bad at studies.
that is why i need to stop talking about them.

car

My driving test is soon
Frankly there is like a 100% chance I will fail it
So I will just tell you guys when I pass it

For now my parking is bad, really bad
And I am too panicky to change lanes on big fast roads

I hope I pass it within 10 tries!
or it will be really sad!!!
coz taking so many times will cost more than actually buying a car!!!!
not really but!
but it will be really really sad!!!

...
This however did not stop me from wondering about my first car.

Before you actually read this guys
Do not flame me or say 'I HOPE YOU FAIL, FAGET'
Because I will probably regret writing this.
I know I have very stupid reasons for liking cars..
And I am very shallow view on stuff like this. I'm no expert.

Okay.
So let me tell you about the cars I like.

I fell in love with the mazda 6.

SO SLEEK!!!

I told weirong, who is a car expert and knows just about every model.
He's coming to help me test drive when I test drive!
Apparently I can book them. Lots to learn, lots to learn.

Basically 2 things made me quite sad.

Thing 1 - a conversation that somehow went like this
weirong: oh it's quite good.
me: really?
weirong: xxx car magazine voted it the car of the year.
me: wow!!!
weirong: best family car.
me: .......

Thing 2 - price
According to
http://img.st701.com/cms/cars/pricelist/05jan11/Mazda.pdf
It costs $150k.
Byebye, mazda6.

Edit: Actually, I would really love a silver or black Mazda 3 2007 Sedan!

I also love the BMW 523i 2008!!!
Because the car looks like it's wearing winged eyeliner!!!!!

Look!!!!! I am wearing silver eyeliner.

SPEAKING OF WINGED EYELINER!!!! :)
I LOVE THAT LOOK!!!

...um

....awkward...

...

Ah!

WAIT I NEED TO GET BACK TO CARS.
Other cars I like include the Volkswagen Beetle, I really wanted a pink one last time.

Now I want a faggot one.

Before that I wanted a blue Nissan Sunny.
I kinda like volvos too. They are boxy.

Mmmm, I used to think the Chery QQ was uber adorable.

But it's not so adorable after all:

Okay that's it. I've been looking at cars on the road more frequently to see if there are any more cars that I like. Truth is, I probably won't get the one I want, and I will take anything my papa chooses. I will be very happy with a small car with a good sound system. My papa also gave me a condition, that is, I need to drive my mom around after my exams. I mean I don't know if I can do that, I always hated being in the car with her, and she probably won't let me play my music.

Honestly I think I will probably die in a car accident.
During BPT,
Darryl described a car crashing into a tree as 'Xinni gets her license'.
Then I drew a newspaper headline saying '27 PEOPLE KILLED IN EPIC CAR CRASH'.
Everybody is already cursing me before I get my license lor!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~
random: my funeral
Never mind, I already told huisuan what I want during my funeral. Remember to take my iPod touch and play my whole music collection minus justinbieber throughout the whole thing! The first song must be the rickroll. Thank u.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

Ah! Why am I thinking so far?

shirt...

While shopping for milk and bananas I saw someone wearing an 'OBJECTION!!!' t-shirt.

Excited, I shouted "OMG, PHOENIX WRIGHT!"

And the person who was wearing it was like um 0_0 ya.
Then his friend was all what was dat about???.
And he started talking about phoenix wright and they went on to talk about PS3 and DS and games.

..awkward..

Anyway apparently he got it from uniqlo ;_;
A few years ago.

Oh yeah, I don't want to cosplay anymore. It's too troublesome to buy costumes online, and I want blonde highlights.

Hmm.. what else, what else?
Oh yeah.
I bought this shirt I fell in love with at first sight
It isn't much but I like it, here it is.

Yeahh oversized shirts ftw.

My friends think my taste in shoes is very grandma
y!?!??!?
i am a sad.
...

why do we feel so alone, even with company?

2011-03-08T17:42:00.000+08:00

Hi~
Part 2/4.

best feeling~*

It was raining outside and I was at home.
I made myself hot chocolate and hid under my covers and read my book.
Music was playing in the background!!

One of the best feelings in the world ^.^

I love it!

Other best feelings in the world
excluding the obvious like orgasms and eating chocolate:
1. Chilling at a cafe after completing a large pile of homework
2. Being at a high place and blowing bubbles
3. Watching bubbles bounce on water
4. Having a cat meow back at you
5. Walking under an umbrella and blasting music in the rain
6. Completing a really nice picture
7. Discovering a great band that makes eargasmic music
8. Good hair days

I will update this when I think of more, I remembered I had lots.

You should tell me yours, too..
Mm.

mornings

You guys may not have noticed but
Morning = my antisocial time.
Coz I am still sleepy and stuff.

Generally when I have my earphones plugged in, I am pretty much shutting out the world..
Meaning I don't want to talk with anyone, I just want to be with my music.

When that happens, please don't think I hate you and ignore me. Seriously, just say 'hi', if you can, tell me something interesting. Sometimes it helps me come back down to earth.

When I snap out of that moment, I will recognize and appreciate your patience. Really. I can't avoid these moments when I feel really off, when I feel the need to drift away. So if you understand, I will be very grateful.

It's not just those moments when you need to exercise patience with me. Sometimes I just feel so tired of everything in life and I start to not care about anything at all ... I turn into this empty shell, an insensitive prick. Sadly, this tiredness comes at random times and it is also unavoidable. So if you can understand that I am just going through a temporary phase ... all will be good. I guess.

I hope this helps you understand me better.
I will try to find ways to make things less difficult for you..
~~even if it means killing myself~~
~~~*for you i'll bleed myself dry*~ - coldplay~~
ahh i'm kidding
i'll try.

Thank you my friendz, you guys really spoil me. ^_^

toilet

Okay this happened in the toilet...

I walk into toilet cubicle.
I see a fluffy shit floating vertically in the toilet bowl.
I flush, but fluffy shit just sways sideways and continues to float vertically in the toilet bowl.
I walk out.

I walk into the next cubicle.
There is a drop of blood on the seat cover.
I walk out.
And think "This must be a bad day."

Jingzhi enters the toilet.
She says 'Xinni why aren't you going into that?'
I say 'Got shit inside!'

Jingzhi goes to inspect shit cubicle.
The whole toilet hears her exclaim "WHY IS THE SHIT SO UGLY?!!"
We all agree unanimously.

So we just wait and queue in front of the two empty cubicles.
Jingz walks into shit cubicle and attempts to flush out the fluffy, ugly shit.
Same thing happens.

She exclaims "I CAN'T FLUSH THE SHIT!!"
I deduce that the shit is fluffy and ugly because 1264378243 people have tried to flush it.

And I really have no idea why I'm narrating this incident to everybody.
So here is a picture of a cute and fluffy turtle dove to relieve you from all the trauma.

I am fluffy, yez???

vietnam

I have never really thought of this country.
However, Vietnam has been appearing quite a number of times in my life.

1. My class tee looks like a Vietnamese flag. It was supposed to mimic a red packet.

2. I was walking innocently back to the hall when a PE teacher asked if I was Vietnamese.
And I was like, YEAH TOTES!!!
And he was like, ORLY?!
Then I'm like, NO!!!!!
Then another teacher said 'She's local, it's just that her skin is whiter.'
(...okay.)

3. Lastly, my email got hacked by a Vietnamese hacker just last night.

Not only did the hacker send spam emails to all my contacts which include whole organisations and teachers, he deleted the emails that were important to me. Just the important ones. Thank you vietnamese hacker.

This is very upsetting because
a) Being hacked is totes uncool
b) I wasn't even online, and I only discovered this on my iPod in the morning.
c) I WANT MY EMAILS BACK!!!!1!
d) I don't know how to face my contacts - those whom I meet IRL.
e) This is not my fault at all but I feel like I should take the blame for all that spam.

Luckily,
because I'm in a computing class,
sctan helped to give me remedies.
Google, too.
I now need to remember a new series of passwords. Thanks vietnamese hacker.

I'm in the process of recovering from this totally uncool incident.
I'm trying to sound okay but I'm still blargheasdfasdghf and I feel insecure.
Rawr!!!

And some advice if this happens to you
1. Change your password in a secure location.
2. Remotely sign out of all other sessions.
3. Routinely check for any suspicious account activity afterwards. (like a sign in from Vietnam, perhaps)

wutwut

ART

THOU

KIDDING

ME!?!??!?!??!!!!

-____-

ALL YOUR BASE CLASS CONSTRUCTOR ARE BELONG TO US

2011-03-06T00:46:00.003+08:00

This is a pretty long update.
So I will split it into three. Check back a few days later...

First off, I'm quite upset. I was doodling on my computing notes (coz I was stuck at a question). Computing Teacher A (she's a very nice lady) said 'You so bad, you draw this kind of diagrams on your worksheet to Computing Teacher B'. CT B is my other teacher and he's the one who held up my worksheet to the whole class and complained about my drawing.

So I lost my temper at CT A and told her spitefully that I didn't draw on my written homework, I drew it on the question paper. And that it doesn't affect CT B at all so I don't see why he should even TALK about it.
Sorry, CT A.

About CT B... Right, okay, you show everybody my doodles. Then you tell other teacher(s) about it? What the heck? It's just a doodle..?

This also happened:
My iPod is sitting peacefully on the table.
CT B: Keep your phone.
Me: It's not a phone.
CT B: Then just keep it whatever it is.

Must people harp on things that do not matter?

I know I'm a shitty student, but I am getting an excellent conduct grade for this term, alright? It shows that I'm trying not to piss you guys off, but I still want to do the things that make me happy. And drawing on worksheets makes me happy.

edit: whoops
i think it was about the drawing on my second tutorial
i drew a trollface to irritate him after he made me upset
and i totally forgot
whooooops

I M A FAGET (i kno)

:O :O :O

I think I am addicted to DDR.
This is unusual, considering how much I suck at it!

When I see square tiles, I think DDR!! and start tapping them with my foot.
I play Tapmania on my iPod too.
Ahhh!!
No more arcade trips for you, Musho!!

Watched two more movies with lulu - The King's Speech and 127 Hours.

James Franco~~!!!! *~*~*~
i think he looks like keanu reeves

confused babbling

A levels results released!!!
Many of my friends got straight A's for A levels, some even got A for gp.
The top scorer of the country is also from my school...

But,
I also saw some people crying very hard that day because they were devastated.

I don't want to be one of them!
I don't want my teacher to give me a look of sadness or contempt when she hands me that result slip next year.
I don't want to think that I am really stupid when I see a D.

No! I need to work.
I need to work.
No more arcades, shopping, movies, art, isolate yourself!

Then again. Why are we so worked up over that B or C?
Do those letters really matter?
I don't plan on doing anything sciency anyway. I want to draw!
But my art is intrinsically worthless!

I have no clue why I'm in this school!!!!
I have to work. Now.

No!!!!!!

music, music, music~

I think I may start listening to Shibuya-kei - I am addicted to Plastic Girl by Capsule! Dayummmm. Stuff I don't even understand. How did it come to this?
I even blast a hokkien song called 我问天 to irritate people!
I also like Magic by B.o.B, it's terribly catchy. Mainstream!?!??!?!?!?

WHA???!!!! MY INDIE CRED OMGGGGGGG. :'((((
Just kidding~!!

I love everything I'm listening to right now!
Just got my third pair of Klipsch earphones, and Mew has never sounded so wonderful.

The most important thing is to listen to what you like!

I think I'm the biggest loser. I smirk at a music collection consisting entirely of mainstream/kpop (rofl u sad ting), and I laugh at people who think they are all indie and cool and different (psh u posr).
I really don't know where I stand. When you judge people, you define yourself. Hence I think I am both a crappy music listener and a poser, which makes me a double loser.

(I still think the whole ARCADE FIRE BY THE SUBURBS grammy incident is incredibly funny.)
http://whoisarcadefire.tumblr.com
HAHAHAHA!

who r teh arcade fries?!!

Ahh. Well-
The most important thing is to listen to what you like!
The most important thing is to listen to what you like!
The most important thing is to listen to what you like!

I can't wait for the concert ♥
Mmph I really hope I can get their autographs!
Thinking of seeing Switchfoot too.

Okay. Part 2 will be up in a few dayz.

you'll never see this so here goes

2011-02-23T22:07:00.000+08:00

I don't know what happened between us because I could never figure you out. It hurts like hell to see you do something so mean even after I stopped talking to you for so long. Or did you do it because you knew I'd never speak a word to you ever again? But what was the point of that? I'm sorry I shunned you, but what was I to do? I couldn't face you.

The problem probably didn't lie with me. But I can never blame you because ... because... just because! To me you were this person I wanted to be - I could never stop listening to you. I took in every word you said. I took them to absolution. I wanted to make you happy, but what made me think I could ever do that? It was you, after all.

I used to wonder what you saw in me in the first place, what got you to talk to me. Very very few made it that far. It was thrilling, so thrilling! And now I'm going crazy with all that hurt inside me, I'm going crazy trying to figure out what went wrong. It feels terrible, being reduced to this tiny speck of nothing. I never wanted to be nothing to you. I wanted to be your friend.

I know I'll never meet another person like you again, and I'm glad. I need to forget every nice thing you said to me and all the times I had the honor to help you and... I just need to forget. So goodbye.

(The Moment - Safetysuit)

we're never gonna win the war if belief is what we're fighting for

2011-02-15T00:25:00.001+08:00

myeh
This was written some days ago:
Went to bowie's today! Darryl made ~~his sticky's~~ chewy cookies and I coped the recipe. His family is really cool, they have this special file with all the cool recipes. I think they cook together or something. I wish I had a family like that. Maybe when I grow up.

I had cookies for breakfast for the next two days. They tasted so awesome~~

They are so talented!!

This was written a few days ago:
Went to the arcade for DDR, then it was pool and then LAN.
DDR is crazy! L4D2 is crazy!!!
(I mostly antisocialed as usual...)
I think today is one of the last times I'm ever seeing the art club gang.

Weirong and Bowie are enlisting for army soon. That is ... fast. I'm sorry that I rarely show appreciation for things until I realize they're gonna disappear. Thank you two for being awesome. I hope you two like the thingys I made, coz I tried to make it special and I kinda like the thingys, too. It's my way of thanking you properly.

(edit: Yeah they liked it! ^^ I was so scared they were going to trash it)

Starting out! Looks fun.

Lineart :)

Colouring at my locker...

Complete!
I'm thinking of drawing more of these to sell.

I drove past Grace's house yesterday.
Even though I passed it so many times, I never noticed that it was so beautiful.
Until the day I took a bus there. Public transport is always better.
The water and the mountains.
But I won't be there for a long time now.

Taken outside:

I know I act awkward and antisocial around all of you. (like wr said, attitude problem) But honestly I really liked each and every one of you. You guys were just different. A good kind of different I'm glad I was able to sync with. Highly intelligent and talented and non judgmental individuals.

I'll miss you.!

i'm so creeper!!
Yeah so my class juniors are pretty cool. I mean I'm from this loser faculty and they helped us win the play component of the faculty wars.
ATHENA!!!!!!!!!! huat ah!!!!!!!
LET'S WIN THE FAC SHIELD BBY!!!!
*fac spirit*

Anyway during computing I tweaked the URL of the school staff site and got into the database of students and retrieved the list of people in our junior class. Then I proceeded to copypaste their names onto facebook and stalked them all. For about 20 seconds each. My classmates watched in a mixture of ... interest. And horror.

Also we have to randomly pick a junior to write something to... i happened to pick this kid who stays in boarding school. Apparently, yyjhao stays next to him so I was thinking of leaving my letter in his room to be all creeperish. Since yyjhao refused to steal something from his room for me to say 'HEY I M A CREEPY SENIOR. I STOLE THIS FROM UR ROOM HAH'.

my little pony

OMG my classmate gave me MY LITTLE PONY COOKIES!!!!

*~Mr Munchy's Pony cookie snacks~*
*~Perfect for lunchboxes~*

^_^

I bet he eats them every day which is why he is buff.
It was the last thing I expected a buff dude to carry in his bag! Seriously!
I AM VERY IMPRESSED
And highly amused.

In all honesty they are pretty darn awesome.
When lulu and I were watching black swan we hid under my jacket at all the scary parts. Then I will go 'PONY COOKIES?!!!' and lulu will say 'GIMMAY THE PONY COOKIES' and we will eat a pony cookie each. The pony cookies helped us survive that horribly scary movie.

Then a little kid from astro asked if he could have a packet of pony cookies and i was like NO!!!!! These are my pony cookies!!!!

I gave him candy.

the national!!~

GUESS WHO HAS TWO FRONT ROW TICKETS TO THE NATIONAL ♥

yes yes yes!

my first concert ♥

mew

Mew is an amazing band.
The only songs that have been on my replay list lately are 'Am I Wry? No' and '156'. So beautiful.

it fucking hurts

it hurts like hell

damn it.
damn it.
damn. it.

!

don't cry when they are around.. don't cry

The -Please - post.

2011-02-02T00:14:00.002+08:00

eda mameshiba des

SO I BOUGHT A TALKING PEA DOG CALLED
MAMESHIBA

Why? Because there's a series of mameshiba videos where he pops out of nowhere and spills a random fact and freaks people out. I thought it was really funny.

BUT I HAD NO IDEA IT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME.

It said "DO YOU KNOW A KANGAROO'S POUCH IS REALLY STINKY" during chemistry class. Grace chua's class.

Yes, this bloody thing

It went on for 10 seconds.

Everybody was like 'wtf is that' and grace chua gave me this cockroachy look and anyway, it was a really bad time for mameshiba to talk. I have no idea why the button pressed itself but.

MAMESHIBA PLEASE NEVER DO THAT AGAIN IT AIN'T FUNNY!!1

gym

I went to the gym to work out at cardio for the first time in my life. With j, cm and iz.
I ran for 20 minutes on the moving platform machine thingy. Resting in between of course.

My heart rate went up to 197. People tell me it's not normal.

I propped my iPod on the machine and started watching a kitten video. So I was running on the treadmill and giggling madly at the ~*kawaii kittens*~

Mark went into the gym and was like 'Hi' and I didn't hear him and kept laughing at the kittens and continued running.
THEN I noticed his presence and I felt so stupid afterwards.

I wish I could train privately and watch kittens in peace. Big screen, preferably!

I R FOTOGRAPHR

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2111148

Hi I have started taking photos with my iPod Touch.
It has this cool lomo application that makes crappy photos look good and all tumblr-ish!!

God it's so goddamn kewl I feel so unnoobed!!!

oh tyvm

-_-
Well I haven't been drawing at all.
Except occasionally on tutorials and lecture notes.

The only practice I ever got was on my worksheets. Ever since I was seven I have been doodling on my homework, textbooks and stuff. It's like second nature. A habit.

So I drew a girl on my computing tutorial which I didn't know was to be handed up, but I had to hand it up, so I did.

My wonderful teacher announced mockingly to the whole class:
"While sifting through your tutorials I notice some of you have nice drawings on your worksheet."

And then he proceeded to look for an example worksheet.
Or, the example worksheet.
Because I knew it was me. I knew it.

And yeah, he held it up for the class to see.
As I shouted "NO! PLEASE!"
But it was too late.

Yeah and he said "This white blank space on the question paper, not for you all to draw okay?"

...
How could he.

You know I can't help it. I draw whenever there's a white blank space. You know it. It's the only practice I get, damn it.

Leave it alone. It didn't bite you. It wasn't on the answer sheet.
Leave my impulses alone.

stress

Been doing GP homework, not because I want to. I actually do it before doing math or science. Because I don't want to disappoint the teacher. I am so scared of making him hate me. I know he's going to hate me soon, because I always let teachers down (even the ones who really trust me ie grace chua) at some point in time.

I try to pay attention but I just die at my desk. Fall asleep, I mean.
GP has always been drawing practice session for me.
To actually listen in class is tiring enough, but during GP?!

Yeah he's actually been an angel to me. Like, seriously, he scolds the guys like mad but he's nicer to girls. He lets me bring my milk tea in and I eat candy in front of him. Or maybe he doesn't know. And I didn't bring my work in a few times.

My only tip for you guys is to never laugh or show a happy face when talking to him. You must look real depressed (that comes really naturally to me). Well, just don't laugh. Be serious when he's serious. I don't see how you can laugh when he's serious anyway.

I am just trying to delay it from happening.
I really don't want to hear him scold me.

the national

I THINK I'M GOING TO SEE THE NATIONAL!
I THINK I'M GOING TO SEE THE NATIONAL!
I THINK I'M GOING TO SEE THE NATIONAL!
I THINK I'M GOING TO SEE THE NATIONAL!

Up close.

UP CLOSE BBY

KNN!!!!!

I JUST SPOILT MY KLIPSCH EARPHONES AGAIN!!!!11!!!!
WHAT. THE. MEOW!!!!!!!

Y U HAET ME SO MUCH

WHEE
Dear students,
If you have accumulated 9-14 demerit points in an academic year, you will be issued with a Letter Of Warning from the school (Printed on HCI letterhead) and if you have accumulated 15 or more demerit points, you will be placed under probation by the school.

Students under probation will have their discipline record released to scholarship organisations or universities upon request.

The letter will be handed over to the student by his respective CT in the presence of a Discipline Committtee member during an interview. The student will read and sign the acknowledgement letter in the presence of both the CT and a Discipline Committee member. The CT will keep the acknowledgement in the CT file and follow-up by updating the parents/guardians about the consequences of being placed under probation by the school.

Way to stigmatize mistakes and dig up the past, school. I love you too!

There goes a clean portfolio. (I shudder at the great lengths people take to polish that) Luckily I never put any effort to buff it up, so not much loss there, except now I know I probably won't go to a nice university. Or any university.

Yeah I deserve everything. I'm paying the price for my immaturity and stupidity. Getting caught for what most people do, and doing what they did. Well, they don't have to worry about me anymore. I'll behave even without probation. Like I said, I won't skip classes or be late or do anything stupid. I don't even want to anymore.

~~Strangely enough no one told me off for dyed hair so i'll just leave it there heh~~

I hope you're happy...
Who needs a second chance, anyway?

....
No, wait, actually, please just let me go. Please let me go! You can damage my portfolio, let me sign a dozen warning letters - but after this please just leave me alone. I'm done with everything. I know of all the embarrassing things I did last year. Including the little things. It makes me shudder! I hate it. I absolutely detest my past self - I look down on me. I know, okay? I know what I was. It makes me cry.

And I'm done. I'm done. Please let me go. Not just the school. Everyone who knew what a piece of living crap I was. Please I just ... want to be in the background from now on. I don't want to fit in with any group, be nice to strangers so they can accept me, anything. I will keep my mouth shut. I just want to leave my past behind. Let me be nothing. Won't you help me with that?

I feel so worn out.
Please let me put everything behind now.
Please help me tell myself I'm not her anymore.

My head hurts.

walking in the rain

and listening to awesome music

is
so
wonderful.

throw every last care away

2011-01-23T18:22:00.000+08:00

over it!

I'm over everything - that includes phone call - and all is ok.
I'm getting used to the 'accept it and move on' thing now. Never brood about something for more than a day, that is.

Life's too short to be miserable. Life's too short for complaints.
It was something I should have realized eons ago.

~~(for now)~~

back2work

Since I cancelled my SAT, I went shopping for 2 days.
I think I just burst my shopping quota for like one billion years wtf.

Bought 7 more clothes, which includes a kitty printed dress
I need to start dressing like I am eighteen and ~*girly*~
I love Uniqlo~

And!

I think everybody who goes shopping with me should play "The Price is Right" with me.
Because I'm real good at it!

Lulu: Guess the price of this shirt.
Me: Uhhh... looks $39.90-ish.
Lulu: ...........It's $39.90.
Me: Wtf you kidding me
Me: Holy shit it really is $39.90?!!

We can't stop singing 'Let's go to the mall' by Robin Sparkles. It's a troll song from How I Met Your Mother, which I need to watch in due time. Along with House, Gossip Girl, Dexter and other cool stuff.

COME ON JESSICA, COME ON TORI
LET'S GO TO THE MALL YOU WON'T BE SORRY
PUT ON YOUR JELLY BRACELETS AND YOUR COOL GRAFFITI COAT
AT THE MALL HAVING FUN IT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOOT-

.....
Hi. I'm back.

Watched 2 movies: Burlesque (why is this PG when it has homosexuality, adultery, gay sex, sex, near nudity and vulgarities) and Hereafter (this is good).

***

Got my new iPod touch 4 and fully protected it!!!
It's a 64 gig!

***

I bought my first book.
It is titled 'The Perks of being a Wallflower' by Steven Chbosky.
I still can't pronounce his name.

***

A talking mameshiba keychain is hanging from my phone now. When I'm talking to someone over the phone I'm going to press the button and mameshiba will say "eda mameshiba des" or "Unn-nyoooo".

And then I'll exclaim "What the heck was that!!? Was that you?!"
And pretend to freak out. Yeah bby!!!!!!

Uh, actually not. But it's pretty cool. It says like five different things.

***

... OMG WHAT I BEEN DOING /guilt
Back to work Musho!

types of songs

Types of songs and how I manage to kill them...

Bad song 1
1st play: WHAT IN THE NAME OF JUSTIN BIEBER'S RIGHT NIPPLE IS THIS
*delete*

"Bad" song
1st play: This is hilarious.
*Keeps to troll people*
Example: Baby by justin bieber

The only good song this band has song
track 1: wtf no
track 2: wtf no
track 3: wtf no
...
track 8: WHOA THIS IS GOOD

*deletes the rest*
Example: Two Weeks by grizzly bear, Bruises by Chairlift

I-like-all-songs-by-this-awesome-band-song
track 1: KEEP!
track 2: KEEP!
track 3: THEIR BEST SONG! KEEP!!!!
.
.
.

track 8213612: KEEP!

*puts band on replay*
Example: anything by fall out boy, the cab, motion city soundtrack, fair, the national, TAI, AAR, thirteen senses, anberlin, muse, click 5 and more

Good song
1st play: mm sounds OK, keep
3rd play: I'm starting to like this
6th play: I like it!!! I have it all in my head

40th play: KILLED SONG

Example: Amsterdam by PBnJ, soul meets body by death cab for cutie. most of my songs are 'good songs'

Great song
1st play: God this is good
2nd play: This is REALLY good...
10th play: this is dope man, dope
50th play: KILLED SONG
Example: Many of my songs are 'great songs'. They tend to really affect my emotions. I learn their lyrics by heart. Anhedonia by The Graduate, Nantes by beirut, A bad dream by Keane, Hot Air Balloon by owl city, the cave by mumford and sons, walking on a dream by empire of the sun....

Bad song becomes awesome song
5th play: Um why did i keep this

9th play: It's actually quite good
25th play: OMGGGGGGGGGGGG WHY DIDNT I LIKE THIS EARLIER

70th play: DAYUM I STILLLL LOVE THIS
Example: Start a war by The National

The best song1st play: Fwahhhh I'm in love!!!!!
100th play: Fwaahhhh I'm in loveeee!!!!!
Example: Built to last by melee, hallelujah by the helio sequence, just let go by mae, the reason by ~~whosebuttstank~~ hoobastank...

Meep

The National is coming to Singapore
Is anybody going to see them?
I really want to go....

Photos

As promised. Not very interesting, because my life is boring.
I blame the fact that I am asian.

This is my pikachu craze

Pikachu post-it

Bowie made a GIGAPUDDI stamp, which I have been practically coating my tutorials with.
Oh, ignore the answers, they are all wrong.

Janice and I bought 2 pencilboxes each.
It's fun to arrange them like this in class.

My room on the first night I moved in.
It's more decorated now.

My lava lamp! ^_^

Jireh doing the astro banner moon

Art club.

Banners' up!

and the hardest part/ is letting go/not taking part

2011-01-20T20:45:00.000+08:00

photos

In the next post. Lots of them.
Promise~

texting

lulu: reply this please.
me: wha..??
lulu: hello. reply again.
me: Reply what?! sorry if i'm dumb
lulu: reply again
me: are you doing this on purpose woman
lulu: reply:)
me: THIS IS THE LAST TIME. Do you have this amazing msg ringtone you want to hear over and over or what!!
lulu: LOL call me

I call lulu.

lulu: HOW DID YOU KNOW?!!!!

Coz best friends think alike.

charlie teh unicron

episode 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5Nz8p3EP7A
episode 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRHrImhFnZY

LOL SO LAME
I LOVES IT

"You shut the hell up!!!!!!!!"
"No yooooou shut the hell up!!!!!"

"That was uncalled for"
"Your face is uncalled for!!!!"

^ I totally love this smiley

Pirates of the Caribbean 4

HOREEEEY SHAYTTTTTTEEE
Pirates of the caribbean: On stranger tides has ZOMBIES and MERMAIDS
I cannot wait V(^^V)

bleh
I must say that contact lenses made it easier for me to cut my own hair. Basically, hair is more manageable. It is also easier to slam my head on my desk and fall straight asleep. I'm starting to get used to the torture that is called contact lenses. Maybe I'll stick to it. No time to make glasses, seriously. I'm really picky about them.

No time to do brows outside.
No choice, do own brows also. Which is like, super fail.

:(
Maybe busy is bad. True, I haven't been bored for many years. Always trying to be productive. Improve things. But I want a break.

mom

On my mother's birthday, I did what I promised myself to do. I called her and told her I loved her. She said thanks for remembering, she said she was worried for my safety and did not ask me where I was residing. Complained for half an hour about how my dad is a shitty dad ("Your father didn't have proper parents xxxxx" "Your father never give me a single cent" (bullshit)) and how my brother is a shitty student and I listened. It ended well. I assured her I had everything in place and that I'm doing fine and I just want to finish my exams.

It was good. I wanted to give her the security I never gave. I said "I love you" for the first time. I did my best. I got so sad. The family was screwed and she had no idea she was the main catalyst. And it is not her fault because she isn't sound.

Two days later my grandfather told her that I invited my uncle to our old home and took photos. The latter being untrue. Yes, my uncle did go into the disaster of a house when he fetched my brother home. But we took no photos.
Photos, I have. But I did not take any that day. That day being two months ago.

Soooooo she called me on the phone and bombarded me with insults. We had the same old arguments. Her flawed logic and her refusal to believe there was something wrong with the way she was doing things. I am way too tired to describe the conversation in detail.

Basically, I'm a 'heartless child' who doesn't help her mother with a disorder pack up her house, wash clothes, renovate houses. (?) I'm also a 'killer' and I'm 'going to murder somebody one day'. (?) Blah, blah, blah. I'm a 'backstabber' because I told adults about my situation, because I sought help from people outside my family. Because I didn't personally try to deal with it, with her, the person who refused to admit she screwed up. She did not believe she drove me to this. She said I should see a psychiatrist. And she will "change if you give (me) $50000". (?) That I should prove that I'm a normal child by "spending $0 a month". (?) That everything is my fault.

If you don't understand anything, don't worry. It's not meant to be understood. Because all her arguments are flawed. Her logic is flawed. You can't even argue back because it is so flawed you are unable to point it out in words. You're just.. rendered speechless.

I am frustrated to tears. I tried to make things right on her birthday. It only lasted for a day. Something had to happen. I cannot talk sense into her. Because she isn't mentally stable. I have adults, my school and her siblings helping me, on my side, but we can't do anything. They can only help me run away. It's so fucked up. Haiz. I know I shouldn't be complaining. I'm going to tell myself to move on and accept what I cannot change. Because life is too short to be unhappy. I'm not going to be unhappy. I'm not going to be unhappy. I'm not going to be unhappy.

So... that's all I'm going to rant. Time to shush and chillax to music. Coldplay!

driving

Uh huh so I was saying I wanted my license real bad.

But truth is, I'm an insanely terrible driver. I always get bored and start daydreaming when I'm on the road. But yeah, I can still handle a car and drive you a few kilos if there ever is an emergency.

Anywaiz..
I didn't want it so bad. At least not by this tuesday.

Instructor calls.
Instructor: Eh, xinni ah?
Me: yeah?
Instructor: Your driving test, u know when or not?
Me: uh no, you haven't signed me up right?
Instructor: Your driving test is on the 25th Jan u know or not?
Me: WHUT!?!?!??! THAT IS THIS TUESDAY!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?

.....wts right!!!!

Instructor: Ya.
Me: YOU DID NOT TELL ME THIS!
Instructor: So can or not? This tuesday morning you go take ah?
Me: butbtubtubtuwaitomgiamnotreadyicantevenparkrelyproperly isuckatdriving youcantmakemedothis thatslkessthanaweek SCHOOL EXAMS LESSONS HOMEWORK fjdhgsjd fehwgfvjhwerbgjhevbgfrejkhgfjdbvfd
Instructor: hah?
Me: How much will it cost on that day. To rent the car for driving.
Instructor: $260.
Me: I'll take it another time.

Yeah, so I'm postponing my driving test. I'm postponing my SAT too. Wow I've really been throwing a lot of money away to these agencies. I'm sorry dad. That I couldn't prepare myself in time. Haiz.

BUT REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW WILL YOU FEEL IF YOU HAVE A PRACTICAL TEST IN ONE WEEK WHEN YOU BARELY HAD 15 DRIVING LESSONS?!!!! THAT YOU SECRETLY KNOW YOU CMI?! not farny u no?!?!!!

Oh man oh man. Imma try to get it by June though. I hope I fail less than 3 times.
m(T.T m)

butterfly blood

I saw a dead butterfly on the ground. It was a pretty butterfly.

I scooped it up with my GP notes and went to bury it in the bushes.

I suspect someone had already stepped on it because its blood stuck onto my notes and it took a few shakes for it to drop onto the soil. By then my notes had greenish butterfly blood at the sides. I couldn't clean it off. Luckily it's on some essay about foreign aid which I'll never read.

Yeah um. I bury dead butterflies. They look too dignified to die on the floor. I would hate it if someone stepped on a dead butterfly.

I don't bury cockroaches or beetles or worms. Erps. A bit bias hor.... OK fine!!!!!!!! I judge insects based on their looks!!!!! They don't have personality right..... I also cannot go around burying every bug I see lor..... So it's just butterflies for now.

And snails. They are so stupid they need to be rolled into hiding so that people don't crush them to death.

._.

am i the latest in your art of war

2011-01-17T20:59:00.000+08:00

y u do dis

I hate tuesdays. Here's the timetable:
PE, Econs, Chemistry, Math, GP, Computing

ALL MY EXAMINABLE SUBJECTS PLUS PE?!!!
Y U DO DIS?!?!? U WAN KIL ME?!!! ahsfdhasjdjha

During PE, the teacher went up to me and extended a hand to me.
She said "I HOPE TO SEE YOU ATTENDING MORE OF MY LESSONS THIS YEAR!"

..

I shook her hand.

She looked at me awkwardly and made a meek attempt to shake it back.

I said "Why did I shake your hand...."

Then it was all really weird and awkwardddddd.

.....

During computing, my computing teacher went up to me and said "I HOPE YOU WILL WORK HARD THIS YEAR. YOU MUST WORK HARD! YOUR LAST YEAR."

Later I was doing some Object-Oriented Program questions and she was like *applause* *applause* "CONTINUE! GOOD!" every time I got a question right.

I don't know if i should feel happy or insulted.
The question is, why just me?

And why are teachers and students always going to my friend to get me to do work?
Walau. I don't want to trouble her anymore.
COME TO ME YOURSELF DAMN IT

Bleh.
I will be a good student!

school.
Could this be a gift from God? I got what I wished for this year. To room with one of my bestest friends. We got assigned to the same room, and she is going to a good school. I couldn't ask for more.

School isn't so bad. I hate waking up early.

No one is hatin' on me much. Or at least I don't notice. I'm constantly pissing people off, that I know. I also tend to think everybody who isn't a friend hates me. I... Well. Haters gonna hate!!!

Actually, I think they don't care anymore. Hahahah. I'm disappearing. Yes!!!
GOODBYE WORLD

Things I can no longer find time to do:
Watch dramas
Read manga
Go out with friends, especially those who have graduated and have tons of free time (I feel left out)
Shop (I still do it anyway lol)
Design
DRAW....
Troll

School is suffocating me. I want to make 2011 right, really I do. I don't want to be eating my daddy's money. I want to be productive.

Discipline, woman! Discipline.

math test
Oh! I passed my first math test. I got a DOUBLE DIGIT SCORE! Horay!!!!! *popping champagne* I mean seriously that's uber cool. I told my dad and this is how he praised me!!!

Me: Hello papa? You know the math lecture test?
Daddy: What latter tax?
Me: Lecture test, man! Lecture test.
Daddy: What letter text? Wat toking u?!
Me: LECTUREEEEE TESTTT. I passed it leh!!!!!!
Daddy: You pass what letter text!?
.......

(**$@^#*^#.......)

Me: WTF, LECTURE TEST. I passed it ok. TEST. TEST.
Daddy: Test. Oh. Again? OK.
Me: (thinks: What the heck, its my first) ....I PASSED LEH. OMIGOD RIGHT?!!!!
Daddy: Huh?
Me: OMG RIGHT?!
Daddy: Ya.

WHAT.
THE.
MEOW?!?!??!?!?!??!?!!

I fail, my dad says 'huh?' or 'OK'.
I pass, my dad says 'huh?' or 'OK'.

*angery(*

art club

The new juniors kinda scare me. There's this girl who probably hates me because I was an ass to everyone back then. Then there's a boy who refused to let me see his sketchbook (I was trying to be a nice senior because he was looking kinda lost holding a sketchbook but i guess it backfired. I won't try approaching juniors ever again. Rejection is something that hits me really hard..)

I guess I'll just be myself. That is.. sit in a corner and do my own thing~ Help if they need it. The juniors will be fine by themselves, actually.

*shrug* I was never good with people. Especially them young'uns.

Let's just draw lotsa nice stuff.

mameshiba+puddi

OMG WHAT AM I DOING ONLINE SHOPPING FOR
TALKING PUDDINGS

AND

TALKING PEA DOGS (ie mameshiba)

They were so expensive!!!
WTF I'M SCREWED I HAVE SATs IN A FEW DAYSSSsss

new clothessss
Decided to abandon work for a day, went to ion and bought clothes with K and abby~

New leggings. Yay!
And a rabbit shirt.
I love uniqlo~!
I bought those plain tops that go with anything.
Shorts, leggings, jeans, mini skirts...

I'm trying to wear stuff other than just t-shirts and shorts.

Girly friends of mine are beginning to get to me. Got to shop online for clothes soon.

CLOTHES @@;;;

new links!

Yuppppp I added new links at the left hand side. Those are sites I visit a lot, so check them out if you're bored.

HAHHAA:

Let me do you a favour.

2011-01-10T23:36:00.003+08:00

Hullo, I'm sick. I am also busy. So this post will suck.

Happy puddi new year

Alright, so this is a terribly long update. It's boring too. Life is dreary.

2010 has been an emotional roller coaster. Things are different now. I am different now.
I will improve.
I'm okay, I'm okay.

Right.
So, happy new year!

I must thank God for blessing me with a NEW YEAR PIMPLE!!! ~~Oh what a downer~~ ~*THANK YOU!!*~ I just know it's a gift from above because no pimples are supposed to visit me now. Probably some rare breed of pimple from Alaska who flew here just to land on my face.

*sigh*

wtf

So somehow an online friend of mine managed to sign me into this Ace Attorney cosplay group and so I'm going to be Maya Fey!! WTF THIS IS GAY

You don't know how uneasy this is making me because it's like I'm breaking my moral code. I never liked cosplays and I hate photos. Being a bad person I always laughed at people who tried to be anime characters but failed to look like them.

But Ace Attorney is special. I really, really like the game. I'm willing to make a fool of myself, let people laugh at me for being a fail Maya. Just this once. It'd be nice to be with a community of people who share the love for this absolutely wonderful game. NO THIS IS GAY

/hides
I'm just going to pretend I'm not me on that day and avoid anybody I know. Yepp.

Not sure. I may back out if someone else wants my spot, because I'm too gafshagfjhvbhwve to cosplay and they can afford to get a better looking Maya Fey.

ARFG WTF COSPLAY WTFWTFWTF
GAYYYYYYYY
No it's no big deal musho, no big-
ARGHHHH WTFFFFFF
*mindblown*

Noooooooooooooooooooooo

Yeah so

I woke up and got a text from my brother that my mom stole from a shop again. Uniforms it was, this time. And then later I was in my daddy's car I asked him 'Why?' and he was like 'dunno'. As much as I hope my brother would say "No mum, I'm not wearing something you stole, go put it back" it's just not gonna happen.

Apparently he knows I used to steal too. I thought my teachers kept my thefts secret from my parents. Because, when I was eight, my parents never told me they knew I was stealing. They never scolded me or stopped me. Maybe they didn't know how to tell me it was wrong, since I learnt it from mummy. Strange, isn't it... /eyeroll

I guess as you get older you start to find out what's wrong and what's right.
It's such a chore.

...

I wanna try telling my mom I love her on her birthday. It's in one week. I never told her I loved her, not even once in my life. It could change things. I guess, yeah, I love her. She's my mom after all, right.

Dayum, not sure how I can do it. Call her? "Happy birthday mum, I love you"? I haven't talked to her for almost a year now. Meh, the future freaks me out.

I'm in boarding school

So I packed my stuff, moved out, went shopping for household needs, went for a driving lesson, moved in, unpacked, organized and decorated my room in one day. In less than twenty four hours I was in a completely new, fully decorated home.

/proud
Productive days like that are stressful. But work numbs me. It's good to be busy.

And the best thing is...
ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS IS ROOMING WITH ME!!!!!!!
FOR A YEAR!!!
She got excellent results and is going to the JC of her choice!

I just watched Gossip Girl with her on my bed!! ^^
~~And this means we can walk around the room in underwear!!!~~

Pics to be uploaded 4.7billion years later!!

bananas

I decided that I shall have one banana for breakfast every morning!
So I hung a bunch of bananas at my desk.

I simply love to stare at the bunch of bananas gently ~twirling~ about the string I hung it on.
It looks gorgeous next to my blue lava lamp.

I feel so at peace when I look at my twirling bananas and lava lamp next to each other.

Don't.
Walked into the boarding school office and then this lady came up to me and demanded to know why I wasn't present at the Newcomers meeting.
I said I didn't know of said meeting and she kept repeating this:

"We can't let you stay here if you're like that."

Despite my trying to explain to her that
1. the meeting took place barely after I moved in,
2. I heard of no such meeting
3. I was having a driving lesson that night, too. I couldn't make it if I wanted to, yo. I was out.

...she kept repeating it. It didn't feel particularly good. Rather unkind of her, actually.

The thing is, she knows. She knows about me. She knows this is the only place I can stay. Okay, I don't know about you, but I don't think it's really nice to threaten a kid with no where else to go with expulsion because of something like that.

Do you actually think I want to stay in boarding school? Is it my fault that I'm here? Was I the one causing trouble in the first place? Are you venting your anger on me because of what my mom did or...?

Don't do this to me, okay? Don't pull this 'We'll expel you' card on me. Not now. I don't think I deserve it yet. I've kept to all the rules and all my curfews. Don't.

Spectacles

My specs broke after a month.
I feel upset. They were perfect... pink on the inside!

Now I'm just going to have to bear with contact lenses until I find another pair of glasses. I hate contact lenses.

PAIN......

driving update

I can park parallel and vertically, do the pole ram thing, u-turn and almost everything! I think everything! I just kinda suck at driving on the real roads. Like I don't check blind spots and I panic at junctions.

Butbut.
I. Just. Want. My. License!!!!!!!!

/impatient

music update

Radiohead and Tommy Sparks. Love!
Elbow makes rock music sound absolutely beautiful.

.....And Ra Ra Riot! MCR! Thirteen Senses! The Rasmus! The Helio Sequence! Belle and Sebastian! Coldplay! Dear and the headlights....

Music is like my friend who's always there.
I don't know what to do without you.

Much too much to listen to!!!!

first day of school

I had a fever the night before the first day of school, tried to sleep at 9pm but ended up lying in bed for 6 hours trying to sleep because I am just that screwed. Slept at 3am. Anyway, went to school feeling really tired but the morning flagraising totally cheered me up!

1. They display the new seventh graders in front of all of us during flagraising. They're supposed to wear shorts, but this combobreaker wore long pants! He bought the senior uniform WTF! It was so funny!! Combobreaker!!

2. The national anthem was played totally out of tune. I doubled over laughing during the anthem..... and Jubbie laughed till she cried.

3. The pledgetaker was totally HILARIOUS he spoke in this damn low voice and for some reason had to pause for 1 second between every word HAHAHHAHA everybody was giggling at him.

And then we had lessons and a test and a lab session and everything was busy.

Afterwards
WE HUNG THE
CCA BANNERS
I DESIGNED
SIDE BY SIDE!!!!!

artclub + astroclub!

And then jubbie and I blew bubbles down the building as we stood beside the banners ^^
It was beautiful!
I'm so proud!!!!

Pictures will be added 4.7billion years later!!
(i'm sorry)

Now that school's started

Do not:
1. Ask me how much I got for a test. I'm not clever. My grades suck. I'm bottom rank. Chances are, I probably did worse than you, so please don't use me to feel better about yourself. Go find someone of a higher class to compare grades with.
I'll tell you if I want you to know.

2. Tell me you did well for this test even though you didn't study. Or that you did blah and you got everything correct. I didn't ask. I rarely compliment people. You need to tell this to somebody else.

Schoolwork is something I'd rather not talk about because doing badly depresses me but it's something I can't fix. So please.

I'M BUSY!!!

I'm getting busy!!!! :((

Stare at the dot for 30 seconds and the orange spot turns purple

....

....

AND I JUST FELL FOR THIS!!!!!

It's a salt wound routine

2010-12-28T19:36:00.001+08:00

FUU

In case you haven't tried the new Macdonalds Samurai burger, go try it now!! I love the sauce *_*
Aaaand the receipt says "Samurai ------- $4.70". Like you bought a samurai slave or something.

Hmm so I was sitting there eating my Samurai burger...
And I saw this kid in front of me carrying a Piplup happy meal toy. That was phased out a few months ago. I was so excited I ran to the counter and asked "WHAT IS THE HAPPY MEAL TOY!!!?"

And then they opened the happy meal toy container thingy and I peeped in and it was stuffed with piplups. I said "HOW MANY OF THOSE PENGUINS DO YOU HAVE?"

Manager: About 20 plus... why, do you need a lot?
Me: Ya I want to buy a lot but I can't eat so many happy meals.

Then erm, I walked off.

Later this Macdonalds person came up to me.

MCD guy: You want to buy the toy?
Me: *excited* Are you selling it??
MCD guy : You buying for your children? You have how many kids..?

MY CHILDREN!?!!
NO U!!!!!!!!
Well yes actually I hide my 6 year old boy in the closet and I feed him cornflakes and orange juice for breakfast and lunch. Canned tuna for dinner. Me mum would kill me if she knew so please don't tell anybody.

...

Later I went to buy a happy meal. And I got a new piplup!
Going to sacrifice another school badgepin to drill a hole so that I can hang it on my phone!

sticker album

Did not screw it up that badly xD
I love stickers~

new earphones

To cut the long story short I killed 2 pairs of branded earphones in one day. One was a Klipsch S4i and the other one was a Sennheiser PX200. It was rather upsetting because I had to get a lousy Sony.

Weirong: Do you blast your music?
Me: *nods*
Weirong: Do you sleep on your earphones?
Me: *nods*
Weirong: Do you pack them nicely in a container?
Me: Huh? What container?
Weirong: Do you just stuff your earphones in your bag and leave them tangled?
Me: *nods and drops weirong's headphones*
Weirong: Do you treat them just like that?

D:
I should really take better care of my earphones.

Anyway I went to claim my warranty and now I have a WHITE Klipsch S4i! I went into the store and I took out my dead Klipsch and the receipt and just made a face.
Like that:

Storeowner: What's wrong?
Me:
Storeowner: Are they spoilt?
Me:
Storeowner: Umm.. You really need to tell me what's wrong with them so I can help you fix them.
Me:
Storeowner: ......
Me: Itookthemoutonedayand icouldonlyhearsomedrumsandguitar andtherewerenovocals soit'spracticallydead.

And he kindly replaced them for me!

Scratch that

Scratch that, whatever they say can't ruin my day anymore.

I can tell that I am disappearing.

I am so... touchy.
Maybe I can be mature. Maybe.
I don't want to be grown up...

I'll just nod, I was never good at shaking hands

2010-12-22T00:17:00.003+08:00

Lulu said that five years ago she was mighty protective of me, because people kept saying things about me and she felt that she had to defend me somehow. I won't blame those people. I was mean and evil and bad. I gave them more than a million reasons to badmouth me. I was just a child, still oblivious about how screwed up I was. Lulu knew that something was off about me but she couldn't quite figure out what. It was only until a year later that I revealed minor details about my family.

Now.
I am eighteen, trying to forget that the past ever happened. But the marks are there.
I want to be normal, and do you know deep inside I am so scared that part of my mother is in me. I am so scared that I still have abnormal traits, and trust me if i ever find out I am I will kill it. I have been killing all the abnormalities I possessed ever since I left home, changing, changing, changing. I only had such a short time to make things right. But it's still not enough.

They are still at it. Before school ended, anyway. And I don't blame them, because I DID give them reasons to attack me. Dear class, I do like a whole bunch of you, lots of you have been nicer to me than what I actually deserve. But I know a few of you cannot stand me. I can tell by the judging sneers you shoot me when I do something stupid, and I hear about what you say about me. Don't worry about it anymore. I will do my best to disappear.

Another thing I learnt from lulu: I realized that the stuff I do may have come across as attention seeking.

For example, when I went onto the rooftop to blow bubbles. There was only one thought in my mind. It was this: I want to blow bubbles on the roof because it will make me happy and I want to see the bubbles sparkle in the sunlight. What happened? People thought I was going to commit suicide.

Did I ever want attention when I did stupid things?
Honestly, I don't think so. I just wanted to be happy.
Maybe I did. Am I in denial?
I don't think so.
I didn't want attention.
Well, I don't know.

Who cares? I know for sure that NOW I don't want any fucking attention. No more. I don't want to give you chances to attack me. It hurts me. I'm frightened of you. I'm frightened of you judging me, of what you think. I don't want to face you. I don't want you to notice me anymore.

Part of me argues: WHO CARES WHAT THESE STRANGERS THINK? THEY AREN'T YOUR FRIENDS. But that's just teenagerish. It's not your life. It's not all about you. Your friends may be too polite to point out what's wrong with you, so it's your responsibility to correct your mistakes so that you don't affect other people.

Emotionally I may have matured a bit. I am not scared of being alone. I appreciate company, but I do not crave it nor do I need it. In other words, I am perfectly OK by myself. Could this be a permanent change or just temporary or could it be a sign of me slowly beginning to isolate myself from this world? IDEK. But I still love my friends and I value the closeness I have forged with them.

I'm not scared of losing people any longer. I don't know if this makes me more of an uncaring soul, but hey, it's better than being all insecure and whiny.

Do you remember the text I sent a teacher which said 'FUCKING TEACHERS?' Well, I was having gaming withdrawal symptoms; I was addicted! It was so foolish of me. Now I know it's something I will not do again. I have changed too much for that. I can live a day without saying a single 'fuck!' and I really hope this change is here to stay.

Since I'm on antibiotics, no new pimples, not much insecurity or pissy mood. I still bear resentment at my mother for not letting me fix my teeth, but I try to take my mind off my insecurity regarding my looks.
I am not miserable. I'm fine! Sometimes, I can even be happy :)

This is what I am going to try to do.

1. Make mature decisions, do the right thing.

2. Stop saying and doing stupid things, so they don't attack me.
3. Blend in unnoticed.

It's going to be hard, because my mind is not something i can control very well. I find myself being rude, insensitive and weird at times. I will try to stop it. I need to be more observant, be less self-absorbed.

As much as I try not to, I know I'll probably do stupid things again, so I apologize to you all in advance. Please pay me no mind. I don't want to exist to you. When I do something stupid that makes me happy, please let me stay in my bubble of happiness. Don't attack me. Don't talk about me. I'm still a child at heart.

Truth is, I am confused. I don't know how I can still be myself after all this, but I really cannot take this bullshit anymore.
I need to be a better person.

Ok, got to wrap up. What about this blog? You know, I just want to share all the cool stuff with people who chance upon my blog. There's so much cool stuff going on that I am just bursting to share with everyone, so I just post it here. It's for sharing. It's to release my anger. At least now I only post when I feel like sharing stuff.

So am I craving for attention? I don't think so, but I may be in denial. I'm always considering the fact that I'm in denial. I don't know haha. It's for you to judge. That, I'm not going to care. I just want to keep my blog and continue to share. (yey rhyme)

I AM EUSTACE.

2010-12-15T00:26:00.003+08:00

slippers

I dreamt that I bought a very nice pair of slippers.
When I woke up I was so upset.

Later on in the day I DID get a new pair of slippers.
Hah! Good timing. Been wearing the same pair for 3 years, EVERY DAY.
That's 1000 days?!?!?!!!!!

EOY

Never going to EOY ever again.
I don't have the strength to complain but I have three words: I am disappoint.

Graffiti wall:

The only pen I brought went out of ink, so I had to use my shading marker to draw. A lot of flaws in that, I know orz... For one I think I forgot to draw her a nose..
Saw some people photographing my drawing, which brought me slight comfort *inferior*

The reason why I'm not fuming right now was because I bought an Obata Takeshi artbook at 50% off ($18). He drew Death Note, Hikaru No Go and Bakuman!!
I am really happy with it. Definitely worth it. There are over hundred works to have endless eyesex with.
Absolutely gorgeous art.

eyegasm!!!

MM eyeshadow~!

Majolica Majorca ~ ♥
I am a sucker for pretty packaging T_T

pepperlunch

WTF PEPPERLUNCH
DID YOU JUST ^INCREASE^ PRICE BY 50%!?

THIS IS IMMORAL.

I DISAPPROVE!
~~PEDOBEAR DISAPPROVES!~~

I WILL
NOT
SUPPORT!!!!

I did love your food, really I did-
WTF PEPPERLUNCH.

*edit: Some branches still sell at old prices.

:D music

I bought lots of CDs today at Popular!
Plus 2 Fall Out Boy t-shirts.

1. U2 - No line on the horizon
2. You're the one - Alternative music album
3. The Bravery - The Sun and the Moon
4. Take That - The Circus
5. OneRepublic - Waking Up
6. Fall Out Boy - Believers Never Die ♥
7. FEEL (KoC/EoTS/keane && many awesome bands inside)
8. Fall Out Boy - Folie a Deux
9. New Found Glory - Hits
10. Snow Patrol - Best of Snow Patrol
11. New Moon OST (twilight soundtracks are good okay~)

Those were the more decent bands on sale D:
I feel sad that they had to be sold as low as $1 though D:

The original price of everything was $341
But they were so heavily discounted it only cost me $43!!
90% off WOW OMG
THAT IS CRAZY

Yarr!!!
I ACTUALLY OWN CDs~

@_@ Beautiful!!!

I'm going to wait for the day I get my asian car
And I'm going to play them all in my asian car
yarr~
For now they are sitting in a shoebox!!!

I remember the first CDs I listened to. I was 10. My mum got them from the trash.
Hilary Duff, Britney Spears, Avril Lavigne, Atomic Kittens, Christina Aguilera. I grew up listening to them.
Finally settled with indie/rock/alternative and never turned back! ♥

yodawg

meow~

Meow meow meowmeow meow~
Meow meowmeow meow meow ^-^!

we're so quick to point out our own flaws in others

2010-12-11T22:12:00.000+08:00

还好啦

Happyness comes from within.
Happyness comes from within.
Happyness comes from within.
Rinse and repeat.

I woke up in the afternoon with bad hair.

My right eye burned and turned a horrible red when i tried to put contacts into it.

I only went out for driving lesson, otherwise the day was pretty much spent mooching around the house alone and tasting my cousin's potato croquettes which for mysterious reasons were sweet.

My waterbottle emptied its contents into my bag, soaking everything and killing my iPod. Yes my iPod is dead, and my new music has no backup. When I tip it over I can see the water inside the screen flowing down. Splendid!!! Currently trying to revive it with my hairdryer, if it doesn't work I'll bake my iPod to life. To me, iPod is my most important digital device. I'm rather miffed by the fact that it's gone. It's a pretty iPod too. I also cannot survive without music.

Driving lesson. I spent half an hour trying to control the insane uterus steering wheel and mulling over curbs in the circuit and berating myself for being a sucky driver, before realizing a wheel was punctured. Dirtied my hands trying to help replace the punctured wheel but it was too damn heavy.

...

Well wasn't that boring! I just described my day.

Despite today being a thoroughly shitty day due to the aforementioned circumstances,
I AM ACTUALLY HAPPY. No human contact but not miserable at all. I am fine.

No idea why. Could it be my willpower to change!
Mmph. I should have been fine all along anyway.
I just kept giving myself excuses to be miserable. ~~Were they really?~~

I'm dying to fix so many flaws I see in myself.
Watch me, I will change ^_^

arty!!!

2010-12-10T00:13:00.002+08:00

EOY

Anime event 12 december Singapore.
Anyone going?
I'm going late afternoon.

Art trade anyone?

OMGG

Warning: This post is extremely childish. I know! I'm a teenager! Let me embarrass myself just this once!

*TEARS AND MUCUS OF JOY*

MY AWESOMEFACE HAIRTIE WAS COMPLETED TODAY
~~WITH JUBBIE SEWING MOST OF IT BUT ANYHOW~~
~~(hahaha jkjk jubbie thanks a million okay)~~

AWESOME FACE IS AWESOME *__**_*_*
THE AWESOMENESS OF THE FACE CANNOT BE PUT INTO WORDS
I CANNOT STOP STARING AT HOW AWESOME IT IS ^_^_^_^__^_

Presenting to you..
Imhappyplz hairtie!

awsum!!!11!

You wear it on your hair to irritate other people!!!
Umm ._. Because there is no other model available ...
Here are my failed attempts to show what they look like when worn.
I have tried my best to show as little face as possible.

Top view!!! (When put on top)

Take that tall people!

Side view

OK SO WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH IT!!
Once it was completed I could not stop smiling evilly.
Imagine all the trolling I can do and all the people I can piss off just by wearing it..
All the demerit points I will get when I wear it to exams..
Not to mention it's so awesome it's actually one of the few things I'd be showing off for awhile and I'm really proud to own it =D

BUT SADLY
I DO NOT HAVE A TROLL LIKE FACE!

I LOOK LIKE A POSER WHEN I'M WEARING IT
~~Okay I am an immature poser kid but that's besides the point~~

D:
I wish I could pull it off mehh ._.
But I'm still really happy about it.

More awesomeface

Musho and awesome face!

HERP DERP

Blogger hoodie is love :D

Keychain designs :)

astronomy banner!

Thank you jubbie and chunmei for helping!
We completed the preliminary sketch in a speedy two hours!
It's a 4x3m banner mind you, so I'm really ~~puddi~~ proud!

Hahahah wtf my design got accepted

Pod cat. We wrote PUDDI on it.
We shall pretend PUDDI is the name of the spacepod.
PUDDI is not a retarded youtube video, nope!!!!

kid

I need you back kintan i'm dying D:
Actually, it's time I grow up and learn to walk on my own like I always did last time.
I had no friends and I was fine with it.
So why can't I be fine when I'm so much better off than last time?

I. Need. To. Grow. Up.

But I know I'm still a kid.
God I wish I was normal ._.

bulletproof loneliness at best, at best

2010-12-07T21:53:00.002+08:00

umm guys??

Please stop studying you are scaring me.
Oh god please stop studying.
I'm getting left behind now..

umm guys?? #2

....
WAT

Why the meow is my blog getting 100-200 pageviews a day?

Is it very fun to type in my URL to get greeted by "PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI"

...

NO I DON'T THINK SO!!!1
GET A LIFE!!!!!!

my fave memes!

Hi everybody!!
Many of you may be perplexed at my sudden outburst of PUDDI.
Giga Puddi is a trending internet meme.

How do you pronounce meme?
It should be "meems" but I go ahead and say "meemees" or "mehmehs".

Internet memes are the most awesome things on the internet
They can come in the form of videos, fanfiction, photos, etc
Memes are usually so stupid they make it famous and other stupid people like me love to spread it

Because you are too lazy to type in www.knowyourmeme.com into the address bar
I've taken the liberty to list a few of my favourite memes
Here!

#1 GIGA PUDDI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-N_mW3WakU
You can watch it here.

PUDDI PUDDI PUDDI
PUDDI PUDDI GIGA PUDDI

Watching it cures headaches.
And makes you high for at least 3 hours.
For me anyway.
It kept me up till 4am.

I got a few of my friends addicted.
And now we burst into random fits of PUDDI!

#2 Mudkipz

"SO I HERD U LIEK MUDKIPZ" is the main catchphrase.
It's a story about a dude sexually abusing a poor mudkip doll.
You can search it up if you like, it's no award winner though.

#3 TROLLFACES

FUUUUUUUU!!!
TROLLFACE

FOREVER ALONE and OKAY.. are nice faces too but I'm lazy to search them up

#4 PEDOBEAR

This post is pedobear approved

#5 ಠ_ಠ

ಥ_ಥ!!!!!!

#6 High expectations asian father

#7 Hypnotoad

I have mentioned the hypnotoad in a previous post.
It's basically an interrupter, like when you're in the middle of saying something you suddenlALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD!

Yeah, like thaLL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD!!

#8 The Game

The Game is a mental game where the objective is to avoid thinking about The Game itself.
There are three rules to The Game:

1. Everyone in the world is playing The Game.
2. Whenever one thinks about The Game, one loses.
3. Losses must be announced to at least one person

I just lost the game! D:

#9 I accidentally it!

I accidentally my homework!
I accidentally your cat!

#10 What is this I don't even

WHAT AM I DOING TYPING THIS CRAP I DON'T EVEN

Okay!
Of course there are many more memes. But those are my most frequently used memes.

Fall out boy

Back to loving fall out boy :D
I can sing many choruses now~

Patrick Stump! Pete Wentz!!! /dies

art club

Art club is where you draw
And attend vuvuzela concerts
And blow tons of bubbles
And play card and picture games

It was a beautiful day!
I will never forget so many bubbles floating into the sky. *_*

PUDDI PUDDI

2010-12-06T02:03:00.001+08:00

puddi puddi
puddi puddi
giga puddi!

puddi puddi!
puddi!
giga puddi!

GIGA PUDDI!

puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi puddi pudd

PUDDI PUDDI PU GIGA PUDDI!!!

puddi puddi!

GIGA PUDDI!

i don't feel right in my skin so i don't feel anything at all

2010-12-02T22:53:00.000+08:00

Typos and Autocorrect

http://fyouautocorrect.com/
http://fyouautocorrect.com/
http://fyouautocorrect.com/

OMGOMG FUAAHAHAHAHA
TUMMY. HURTS.
TOO FUNNY AHHAHAHAHA!!!!

Haven't laughed so hard at a website for ages!!
Speaking of typos..

Janice (: says:
*idk lolz
*uhh wait so are we getting anyth esle for chia...
Musho says:
*smth from thinkgeek
*how about
*"I will not fix your computer" SHITY
*SHIRT
*SORRY
*GAH
Janice (: says:
*LOL
Musho says:
*Just now i worse
*I said 'see a doctor and get a dick certificate'

.____.

to all my pimple creams.
Looks like I'm saying goodbye.
No more stuff on my face.

I pray that it will work.

haiz
I'm thankful for all the friends I have ._.
Do not deserve them.
Never did much for them.

Sometimes I think I'm jaded, but in fact I
I'm wayyyy too immature for this world.

I know I won't study this holiday
And I'm going to regret it.

knnccb!!
Best dictionary ever:

Confessions
One of the best movies ever.
Mind... blown.

0_0
Still in shock.

~~It makes me think back to the time i was living with a crazy person~~
~~And all the times she could have killed me~~
~~All the times she threatened to stab me~~
~~All the trips to the police stations~~
~~All the fear.~~
~~And that face! That look! I cannot fathom-~~

what is this i don't even
lulu: Harry potter fandoms are crazy.
me: how so?
lulu: Like their fanfiction pairings.
me: such as?
lulu: Have you heard of DOBBY X GIANT SQUID
me: what the -!? How do they even have CONVERSATIONS?!
lulu: What makes you think they have conversations?

...

lulu: Oh and I read a DOBBY X HAGRID fanfiction
me: WTF
lulu: Do you want spoilers
me: Well since I'm not going to read it, okay..
lulu: You see, hagrid's so big, and dobby's so small so how do you think hagrid could fit his...
me: WTF
lulu: They used a spell to enlarge dobby's ass.
me: WTF
lulu: "Engorgio, asshole".
me: WTF
lulu: It's a real spell.
me: I know but WTF

*Engorgio is a spell that enlarges an object.

WHAT THE MEOWWWWW!!!!1
MAJSGHAJGFUEFBJHFVGJHAGVFHJA
BFDWUHIGUEWBVKJHGAHJSVGJAVV

WHY DO PEOPLE THINK OF SUCH AHJDGYHUCSWGFUWV

phoenix wright
:D lulu's addicted!!!!

OBJECTION!
TAKE THAT!
HOLD IT!

We were talking about how funny it would be if they shouted "SHIT!" or "FUCK!!" in place of the usual objections. Like when you screw up presenting evidence.

Wright: {OBJECTION!!} This piece of evidence contradicts the witness' testimony!
Judge: No, I'm afraid I don't see any contradiction. So I are give you a PENALTY
Wright: {SHIT!!!}

meh

2010-11-28T20:13:00.004+08:00

CGCG~

It's been 6 months~
Hope my skills haven't faltered.

no u!!!

NO MORE WHINING OR SELF PITY!!!!
WAKE UP MUSHO! CHANGE! CONFIDENCE!

:)
^_^
:)
^_^

must be happy.

meow meow!

exactly
"I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire nation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war...our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very pissed off."
- Anon

and if we survive i'd like to say how beautiful i think you

2010-11-27T22:37:00.009+08:00

Hrm, this may be a pretty boring and troubling post.

i'm good, i'm gone

Thanks for having me C. Hope my dad came to clear my stuff up in my room and sorry for defacing your property.... @_@;

I'm staying at my uncle's house now. The people there are really nice, but frankly, all i've been doing is lock myself up in my room and I only go out for food and donuts. Basically, I am living off them. They're doing this because I am family. Honestly, I don't know how to make it up to them. They are like strangers to me, so I don't feel like talking to them. 'Tis just weird.

And I have been having bad dreams every single night. Creepy thing is, they aren't random at all. They come from my insecurity.

*************************

I badly badly miss Oliver. I had a farewell conversation with Oliver2 on the last day. If you're interested to know, this was how it went:

Me: Meow meow meow!!! T_T Meow meowmeow meomeow meow..!!
Oliver: Meow.
Me: Meow! meow emow meowww meowmeow...
Oliver: Murr.
Me: Meow meow. Bye bye. /sadsmile

It was a really sad parting. I disappeared when Oliver wandered off to the other side of the wall so she wouldn't see me go.

*******************************

Feelin' like a total bum.

Driving

I HATE YOU ZOMG!!!!!!!!!!!! Imagine driving for 2 hours. Then imagine doing that for 3 days in a row.

I've combed the whole private circuit!!! It's so tiring I fell asleep at the wheel twice. Once at a traffic light and another time while driving on a long stretch of road. Yeah, now I start the car on my own and drive from the MRT to the circuit, which is about a 15 minute drive. I drive back too.
I hate the Honda I drive; THE STEERING WHEEL LOOKS LIKE A UTERUS!!!!! D:

And I know that I'm ULTRA BAD. I am too scared to turn into a main road.
I'm worried because some people go through 40 lessons and still fail the test. I think I will be one of them.

Yeyquiz
Ten random facts about yourself.
1. My best friend is canadian.
2. Meow ♥
3. Enjoys trolling immensely.
4. Bad at taking care of stuff.
5. Loves my blanket. My preciousssssss-
6. Likes to buy bags.
7. Decorate everything I own.
8. Likes stuff that smell nice!
9. Never leaves home without my jacket.
10. Loves monokuro boo~

Nine things you do every day.
1. Skincare routine.
2. Music.
.......
3. Jet ski across the pacific ocean.
4. Ride a horse backwards
5. Smoke weed
6. Feed pandas
7. Steal underwear from unsuspecting neighbours
8. Cook kitten stew
9. Study my ass off

Eight things that annoy you.
1. Bad hair day/Bad haircut
2. PIMPLES
3. Fat
4. Waiting for a reply. I hate waiting!!!
5. People looking at me.
6. Superficiality. (I may be guilty of hypocrisy here)
7. Overzealous sales girls who follow me around the shop.
8. People who say sry and thx. If you are truly apologetic or grateful, you damn well better spell it out in full.

Seven fears / phobias.
1. People.
2. Failure.
3. Rejection.
4. Pimples.
5. Losing friends.
6. Getting daoed.
7. Death.

Six songs that you’re addicted to.
1. Hana-bi - Joe Hisaishi
2. Summer - Joe Hisaishi
3. All or Nothing - Theory of a Deadman
4. Little Bit - Lykke Li
5. Built to last - Melee
6. Start a war - The National

Five things you can’t live without.
1. Cats
2. my frieds
3. Music
4. Pimple Cream
5. Art

Four memories you won’t forget.
1. too depressing shall not say
2. too depressing shall not say
3. :)
4. too depressing shall not say

Three words you can’t go a day without using.
1. Meow
2. Erps
3. Lol

Two things you wish you could do.
1. Own a kitty or two.
2. Bake nice cookies.

One person you can trust.
1. She knows who she is. :) ♥

~~Whiny parts of post were deleted here :)~~

Kadfish!

I was googling 'stray cats in singapore' but Google had to search 'catfish' for me so... I suddenly miss Kadfish!! D:

Kadfish ♥♥♥
Are you guys dead yet? D:

Meow ~*

2010-11-22T23:14:00.001+08:00

Meow meowmeow meowmeow meomeow meoe moew meowmeow. Meow me meoew mewo meow meow mew moew... meow memeow meowmeow?

Meowmeo moew moew meow mewmewow meowrrrrghhhhh. Meowmeowm me meow meow meow meow. @_@;;;

Meowmeowmeow, meow meow mew mewo meow. Meow meow mwoew meow.

Meowmeow, meow meowmeow meowmeow meowmeo meow......

._.

Meow.

it's as if i couldn't see the callus i've come to be

2010-11-21T13:21:00.001+08:00

yeah

Moving out soon. I feel like a goddamn fugitive.

Went out in school uniform, scoured HDB flats to find boxes to pack my stuff. Went to IKEA to beg for boxes too. Reached home, hands full of cardboard boxes. Have you ever seen a schoolgirl doing that? ._.

Erm, I'll be fine I guess. I hope my uncle's place has aircon.

omg..
OMG I AM SO SORRY
I AM SO SORRY FOR ROTTING YOUR BRAINS

Let me introduce to you my friend called Kintan.
Kintan was a perfectly normal teenager. She only went on the computer to facebook to catch up with her friends. I MEAN HOW MUCH MORE NORMAL CAN YOU POSSIBLY GET-

Until she met ME. When we became room mates last year.
I COrrRUpTEd HeR SoUL!!!!

...

Now, Kintan knows retarded sites like fuckyeahslightlyamusing, failblog, lolcats, theartoftrolling and every site known to deplete brain cells. She is familiar with internet memes and goes on youtube to further deplete her brain cells by watching buffalax.

She is also uh, much more uh, knowledgeable in uh, stuff you shouldn't be too knowledgeable about. (ifyougetwhatimean)

She even started to troll her friends!

...

And not only that!! Recently, the texts I receive from friends will contain lots of "Meow"s!!!!

JESUS CHRIST ON A POGO STICK WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!?!
Time to start Operation Unguailan!!!!

dream

I just had a dream that lasted forever. I was carrying a gun and escaping from zombies. WTF, and I dreamt of birdplanes a few nights ago.
At least they aren't really depressing.

that's what you get when you

2010-11-12T20:59:00.000+08:00

dream.
I had a bad dream. I think it just about sums up what I feel about my papa.

In the dream, I was walking into a hospital room.
In the dream, my papa only had a few days left to live because of an accident/sudden sickness.
In the dream, my papa was old and tired.

When you see a sick person in a hospital you kinda expect him to have those tubes and oxygen mask and drip and stuff right?

Well..
He was sitting on the bed, busy writing a report. And he was telling me to help him do stuff to finish the report so that he can complete his job.

He was doing work.
He was dying but he was doing work.

.
.
Is he really going to work to death?

Nowadays, I worry that I'll get a call. And the call will say 'Go to XXX hospital now. Your dad got into a traffic accident this morning and was pronounced dead 2 hours ago. We need you to come down because you are his family.'

...

And what am I doing? Nothing productive. I tell myself to study. That's the only way I can make him happy. But studying, it's depressing. As a kid, I just want to play... But I don't deserve to enjoy myself right now.

What if he dies tomorrow? I will never forgive myself.

I wanna be a normal kid. Pay attention, study, attend school.
And I noticed I don't even say fuck anymore. I rarely appreciate sexual jokes, let alone make them. It's funny how people can change just like that. *poof* Maybe I won't see the old me again.

New poster ♥

I'm contemplating whether I should "decorate" my poster.

Like this one.

I just need a ~*miley cyrus*~ poster to complete my collection!!

paradise on earth

holy shit look at the colours ♥♥

What's real? idek.

2010-11-10T23:05:00.002+08:00

ROBOT UNICRON ATTACK!!

THIS GAME IS DOPE. SERIOUSLY THIS GAME IS DOPE.
I am majorly addicted.

*UNICRON JUMP*
*UNICORN DASH*

HAHHAHAHA OMG I FEEL LIKE i'm on DrUGs NOW
THE MUSIC IS SO GAY AHHAHAHA
GO PLAY IT
ON FAECEBOOK

DOPE.!!!!

PW done :D

Okie. I'm done with PW so no more school for the whole of this year. I need to revamp my art gallery then I will stop coming online altogether. (methinks)

I hope I get an A, but considering I screwed the Q&A.. umm :(
I gave the presentation without a script though, knew it by heart. But I got so scared I was shivering. I still can't look at people.

dye fail
Okie I tried to self dye my hair
The top part of my head is now orange!!!!
~~wtfitwassupposedtobeAPRICOTMOCHA~~

WHAT THE MEOW WHY AM I SO FAIL D:
Alright so I can't aspire to be a hairstylist. Big deal.

update:
It turned brown now
PLEASE LOOK OKAY TOMORROW

Possible solutions
1. Dye it back to black
2. Shave all hair off
3. Wear jacket hood to look like hobo
4. Never leave the house
5. Cosplay as a carrot

.
.

Well please advise me on what I should do, should the top of my head becomes orange tomorrow.

birds

I really love birds now.
Watching them makes me happy.

my favourite song

Finally I have discovered my favourite song of all time.
It's called 'You Suffer' by Napalm Death, a grindcore british band.

I beseech you to listen to that song. It's a... life changing experience.
I'm going to play it 1,589 times tomorrow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybGOT4d2Hs8

Breathtaking chorus, perfect intro and ending.
I'm gonna play it at my wedding. It will all be so perfect.

.
.
.
.
.

Speaking of trolling, when I get a car, I'm going to get a CD full of metalcore and screamo.

Then I will wind down my windows and blast my screamo from the car.
All the way to school.

I wonder if the guard will let me in.

-.- why....

2010-11-04T00:23:00.002+08:00

YAY

I am now scared of myself. See, I wore contact lenses today because I was going to make new glasses (I decided to get THICK FRAMES! *excited*).

I looked at myself in the mirror and I got really scared. I didn't know who this person was. I got scared of myself. Musho, I know you're frightened of people, but the last person you should be frightened of is ... OH YOU. OH YOU.

le sigh.

Contact lenses are the bane of my existence. Seriously, the price of beauty - well - I'm planning to get used to them. Can't waste them biweekly lenses. But it's like, some bug traveling around my eye. So uncomfortable.

And people can see into my soul!!! AAAA!!! I feel so unprotected, so insecure. I need glasses to hide my soul... With contacts I don't want to look at anybody -_-

Um, seems like i need to majorly work on this insecurity and peoplephobia issue ._.

Thick glasses please arrive soon....
Oh and as expected, due to my spamming of DS, my eyesight deproved further. As if 800 degrees is not bad enough. ^^V

OMFG HAHAHAHAH
1. Go to http://maps.google.com/
2. Click 'Get Directions'
3. Enter in stuff like 'Japan' to 'USA'.

HAHHAHAHHAA then CTRL+F 'pacific ocean'
HAHHAHAHHAHAHHA CANNOT STOP AMUSING MYSELF

OMFG HAHAHA2

:D You can feel your brain cells dying at an exponential rate. I know it.

OHOHOHOHO

2010-11-02T00:46:00.001+08:00

OHOHOHOHOHALLOWEEN

LOOK AT ALL MY CANDY AREN'T YOU JAELUS
SWEET JESUS THAT IS ONE KILOGRAM OF ♥CANDY♥!!!!!

Went trick or treating with lulu, HS and eli at Woodlands yesternight.
It's near Singaporean American School so they give lots of FOREIGN CANDY.

Lulu is epic. In the morning, she went out of the house in an oversized pink hoodie and bunny ears and basket. Obviously most Singaporeans have no idea you can trick or treat in SG so they were giving her retarded stares as she got on the bus. We went to Orchard to catch the facebook movie (FUCK YOU MARK ZUCKERBERG) and she was in the outfit the whole while.

I mean, I'd give her a retarded look too if a girl dressed up as a bunny got on the bus. HAHHAHA woman you are damn funny!! This is something only my best friend can pull off *proud* HAHAHHAA.

Lulu: You know my parents used to tell me not to take stuff from strangers. So I'd knock on people's doors and say 'Trick or treat!' and when they gave me candy i'd say 'NO THANKS'.

...

I went in a big hoodie and witch hat. I didn't feel like wearing a dress and makeup and contacts :/ Bad idea. It was really hot. I'm going to go in less clothes next year. I want to invite this cool girl who lulu and I met on neopets, I mean it'd be really cool if you trick or treat on your first meeting with an online friend :D

Other than that, we were one of the oldest people there. XD We took candy from kids wtf. I think we'll still go trick or treating when we're twenty.

Can't wait for halloween next year!

facebook movie

ASFDFAGSGACGAASGFAGFSHA
MARK ZUCKERBERG IS AN ASS
He's the "founder" of facebook, by the way..

I mean you actually hear of people doing things that make people go 'FML' but you don't usually meet horrible people like that. But mark zuckerberg... is a bad guy. He is an asshole.

Me: I HATE MARK ZUCKERBERG!!!
Lulu: That's like saying "I HATE STEVE JOBS - sent via iPhone"....

And what's with all the statuses going "LIKE THIS IF YOU WANT ME TO WASTE 13 SECONDS ON YOUR WALL TELLING YOU WHAT I THINK ABOUT IT AND THE COLOUR YOU REMIND ME OF AND WHAT I FIRST THOUGHT ABOUT U". I feel like posting "like this if you want to know what african mammal you most remind me of" but I don't feel like being an oatmeal troll atm. And I really do hate status updates.

IMMA CHARGING MAH LASER

2010-10-30T22:29:00.000+08:00

lol dumb stuff
THERE ARE NO MOAR SCHOOL!!!1
LOLOL My conduct is 'very good'?!

I got my DS confiscated on the last day of school. Technically, it isn't mine, but I got it back anyway. It was during some scholarship talk in the auditorium, so knowing I will never get a scholarship, I took out my DS and propped it up on the table without any attempt to cover it.

Then I played Phoenix Wright ♥ :D
I was going to find the real murderer of Dr Grey!!!!

...

Then a teacher wandered over and called me.
I looked at her blankly.

She wanted the DS.
I gave it to her.

Several students turned their head to stare at me. I can never understand why people are so insensitive. I mean, it's alright to turn and look for a bit, but once you realize that person is in trouble, why do you continue to stare on? Wanna watch free show issit? Gah.

Then she said 'come see me after this.'
I looked at her blankly once more.
Then I turned away and went to look at the speaker.

LOL.
I think I just ignored her.

Get it guys? I have a natural talent to piss off them teachers and my school. I didn't even mean to ignore her. I just did. I want to be polite, but it is rather hard of me to change my horrible attitude. I will try anyway, okie?

Ummm then after this I went to claim it back.

Teacher: What were you doing during the talk? *waves DS*
Me: Playing games.
Teacher: And why?
Me: I am addicted. (that's very true. I'm damn addicted to my DS. I play it 24/7. Once I wake up I turn on my DS. On the bus I am spamming phoenix wright. While walking to school I'm walking with my pokemon. During lessons I am phoenix wright having a court session. Before sleeping I lie under my covers to solve my.... you get the idea.)
Teacher: *rambles about disrespect* And why did you give me this blank look when I called you?
Me: Uh I did?
Teacher: Yes. And when I asked you to see me you just look at me again and turn away.
Me: Got meh.
Teacher: Yea, why?
Me: I was dazed.
Teacher: Dazed. Right. Okay I want you to write a reflection letter. Then you pass it to me in the PC room. My name is Mrs Sim.
Me: Can.

2 REFLECTION LETTERS IN ONE MONTH. WOAW.

Yeah anyway I wrote one with abby's help. I cannot write reflection letters for nuts. My reflection letters tend to piss teachers off even more.
...
I mean, the first thing I asked abby was "CAN I MISPELL HER NAME ON PURPOSE TO MAKE HER ANGRY? :D"
I also like to put in sarcastic remarks in my reflection letters, so it ain't good without help from others.

I guess I am that shitty a student. I told you I'd do something stupid again and I did. Hey, I am sorry to disappoint. I will work on myself. For starters, must try speaking politely to teachers and look sheepish when caught doing something wrong, not ignore them...

Three quarters of the students were either sleeping, talking or texting. Every year we get the same old talks and we don't pay attention and then we get scolded by teachers. Every year. You'd think the teachers would want to try more effective methods (i.e. Let students who are interested in the talk attend, the rest can go home)

Well, I really was addicted. Once I'm done with the Phoenix Wright series I have to get the DS out of my life. But for now, it's PHOENIX WRIGHT ALL THE WAY :D:D

work on meself

Alright then, besides being polite to teachers..

I need to work on suppressing my insecurity too. I will suppress it, hide it, until the suppressed person becomes me. I believe it will go away then.
I need to try all sorts of methods to hide my weaknesses. Be bright and cheery. Be less quiet. Take initiatives. Until it becomes part of my personality.

And still keep to myself. Let's see how I will fare.

New layout! ^^

2010-10-27T22:11:00.000+08:00

Went shopping today. Again...

I'm done with the new layout! AFTER THREE YEARS OF PROCRASTINATION.
What do you think? I wasted 3 hours designing it and 1 hour coding it, so it better be good! I hope I didn't lose my touch.

The blogging space is larger now. I keep thinking it's a bad thing.

Here are some characters you may spot:

I hope you liek my layout!!
Ciao!

First driving lesson

2010-10-26T22:44:00.001+08:00

NEW BLOG LAYOUT WILL BE LAUNCHED ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT.

---*---

OMG I'm so tired :(
I had my driving lesson today and I was driving on the public road at 70kmph at one point in time.

It was so scary with all the huge trucks passing by me.
Also a dog jumped right in front of the car when I was going to do a corner bend. WTF!

I had to keep my foot either on the brake or accelerator pedal for two whole hours non stop without rest and I definitely drove more than 10km. I think it's much more than that cos I drove at around 20-40kmph.

I'm just really tired. Driving is scary.

Doing a three point turn is so hard. I'm still trying to perfect U-turns. And I don't know when to step on the accelerator pedal and when to turn. And I definitely don't watch out for other cars... And I don't know how to brake really well.

If you stay around chua chu kang/btbatok area, don't jaywalk. Don't. A car with a 'L' plate will KILL YOU.

a tiny kingdom at the bottom of the trees where I was always a winner and I was usually right

2010-10-25T20:18:00.001+08:00

Ugh

I don't want to look at anybody...
I don't want to go to school.

...

Just know that you all made me lose trust in people. You all made me scared and insecure. You all made me confirm the fact that looks are all that matters.
._.

...

Suddenly it makes sense. I've always acted cold because I was scared of facing them.
Damn it, finding out that I am scared makes me more afraid of them.
Why am I scared of people.

I hate.. people. I hate people!!!

Sad

I scored horribly for GP. Got half as much as my previous test. It's a low, low, low fail.

Fine, those people who've been thinking my English sucked all along, I admit defeat.. my English sucks and I have no proper command of any language!!

SCREW ITTTTT
I ARE SO ANGRY I WANT TO STAMP ON A PEANUT

WHY DID I GET THAT LOUSY SCORE I DON'T EVEN-

UGH....

So where do I go from here?

Okay, I promoted. What the meow, I need 0.01 marks more to pass Economics.

I feel so fail to borderline pass everything.

Now... I.. I don't know what to study. I don't know what to do. I hate studying. Why must they make me do this. Damn it. I'm going to torture myself next year and force myself to remember it all. I'm going to! I need the results.

But I don't know what to do now. I cannot study now. I really cannot. I want to play.

DS!

Okie I have been playing three games on the DS.

1. Phoenix Wright
I completed phoenix wright - ace attorney. IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOL IT'S SOOOO COOLONMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOGM I TOTALLY RECOMMEND IT. YOU SHOULD PLAY IT OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

Uh wait I should tell you what it's about. You are a defense attorney and you defend suspects whom you believe are innocent. So cool right!!! It makes you smarter!!!!

2. Pokemon Diamond
I just caught Dialga with three ultra balls. I used my HM slave to beat Dialga!! Hahaha. Game has been okay so far. I've got a classmate who helps me train them so I've been progressing pretty okay. He wasted 5 hours of his life training my magikarp into a gyrados.

~~Female machokes and machamps scare me. I mean... WHERE DA BEWBS.~~

Mark: Did you choose piplup thinking it was the cutest and now you realize its final evolution is the ugliest of all three starters?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
I WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS UNFORGIVABLE COMMENT

I LOVE MY EMPOLEON TO DEATH.
It only died once, and it wasn't me who killed it!

3. Trauma Center
Another game which I really fail at but want to complete. You are a surgeon HOW COOL IS THAT and you remove thrombi and aneurysms and stuff. It's really gross and it's hard and I killed lots of patients and end up feeling so much guilt and remorse that I stop playing the game for a day.

...I will continue to work hard to save lives!!!!

..
Do you have any to recommend?!! I'm totally addicted to the DS now.
NO I AIN'T GETTING A LIFE. I HAVE LOTS OF LIVES IN MY DS.

one day / we're gonna live / in paris / i promise / i'm on it~

2010-10-23T14:13:00.013+08:00

Driving

First driving lesson on tuesday happy happy~

i'm sad again why??

Lol, I don't think anybody will read this cos it's a boring chunk of crap and I'm just some.. average teen with an average blog so I'm probably just talking to myself.

Gracechua isn't mad at me, the end. She said stuff to make me reflect. I certainly did. Y'know, I think I'll probably keep continuing doing dumb stuff so she better brace herself for more misdemeanors of mine. Apparently I have a completely different code of conduct from others but I have to keep to theirs. Fine, I'll try to behave.

Anyway, I've had this problem for my whole life. Recently people have been mentioning it to me and it's coming back to haunt me again. I guess I left it alone for too long and I have to face it. But I do not know what to do.

I happen to be reaaaaally bad at body language.

I fuck up every first impression I give.
I promise you I have NEVER given anybody a good first impression my whole life :)
I have never gotten out of an interview feeling unshitty, too.

I cannot look people in the eye. I retreat from people.

--------------------------------------------*

REASONS
1. Gracechua says I don't trust people, hence I don't want them to see what I'm thinking. ...Not quite. It's actually the opposite.

2. I don't want to face what they are thinking.

3. Eyes medically certified weak.

4. I don't want them to read me wrongly. Usually I have no mean or evil thoughts but what if they think from my gaze I am hatin' at them because I have shitty eyes?!!

*--------------------------------------------

You probably realized it by now. I don't look at you when I talk to you unless I've known you for so long I trust you won't judge me. Or I just don't care.

If I've known you for very long and I still don't look you in the eye, you're 1) probably a critical person and I'm scared of your criticism, or 2) I care to keep you so much that I'm scared of finding out that you may actually hate me.

I cannot take criticism. People know that. My self esteem, it's already in the negatives. Lowering it more will only harm my emotions a lot. No one dares to criticize me, and I know that because no one has been doing it unless they are just blunt. I also find it hard to accept criticism, so people probably don't see the point and leave me to screw myself up.

And once you criticize me, it stays in my mind, for a very long time.. and I make myself believe it. You can't take it back because I will believe you are doing it just to unhurt my feelings.

When I listen to someone bitch, when I listen to someone criticizing others, or being mean to others, or telling others they are only pretending to be XXX's friend, I... I get really, very scared. I think, if they do this XXX, they WILL do this to me too. And.. everyday people do that. I get so scared. I don't understand how it will make you a better person if you do all that.

It's very easy to gain my trust but it's easier to lose it. You never really get it back when you lose it. I can trust someone new very much, but I never give myself away completely. I'm pretty private, but lol, I bet this is normal cos no one shows 100% of their true self right?

I always stop myself. Every time I want to open up, a bazillion questions pop in my head. Here. Are they looking at my pimples? Is my fringe perfect? I screwed up cutting it yesterday. Are my spectacles in the perfect position such that they won't enhance the ugliness of my eyes? Maybe I should get contacts. How's the lighting - will it make my eyes look terrible? If I talk too much won't my spit fall onto them? Argh, my breath smells like sour milk, better cover mouth and not look. Will they find me irritating if I say this? Will they take offense if I say this? Is my pronunciation correct? What if they think my English sucks. I wonder if I look ugly from the side. I wonder if they disapprove of what I'm doing right now. Are my eyebrows too bushy - I should shape them gosh. Are my shoulders tense again? Are my legs fat? Shit, they think I'm ugly, I know it. Shit. I want to die now. What are they thinking now? Why are they looking at me?! WHY? STOP LOOKING... I wonder if I did something and if they hate me now and are just pretending just to entertain me I should leave now-

Why do you think I communicate so much better over text? I don't have to waste 99% of my brain capacity worrying about all this!

And when you are nice to me, you do stuff for me even though I have no @^$#*!^ idea why (which happens a lot -.-), I will start telling myself this. "This person is just friendly or plain kind and (s)he probably will do this for other people too. They aren't actually too concerned about you. Be nice to the people who are nice to you and move on" Then I will hide. I'm scared of developing any reliance on anybody because it's NEVER good to feed off someone for happiness. That person will only leave you eventually because they'll be bored of you. Then you will have nothing.

And my experience has actually proved all this right.
When people leave me, I don't go looking for them.
My ego is way too high up above the scale, for that.

I'm so sorry.
I'm scared of people. I'm really frightened of crowds.
Their thoughts, their intentions, their rejections.

Sometimes I wish I had the world to myself and the animals.
That's why I want to have a farm when I grow up.

That's why I seek comfort in being with animals, especially cats.
They won't cast judgments on me.

This.. distrust, this hiding.. it cost me lots.
I lost .. so much.

*lesigh*
I want to please everybody but I'm just so bad at it....

.
.

And,
How can you help me when I don't listen..?