Friday, December 4
DANG!
Read about
Edmund Kemper.
This is why I'm paranoid about getting kidnapped and killed. Reading about people like Kemper has made me paranoid and fearful of a painful death. Not to mention that US allows guns.
Anyway, this was what happened when I was in the states a few days ago.
My three friends and I were eating pizza at Domino's. I left for the toilet next door (not forgetting to tell my friends: "If I don't come back in 15 mins call the police"). (It's 5 mins if it's just a pee and 15 mins if it's a big dump)
I finished shitting and went out of the toilet. There was this man in a hoodie just outside and I didn't really notice him.
...
......
Until he shouted "
NAZIS WILL KILL YOU FUCKING JEW!!!".
(or something like that.)
His voice definitely reached 82173912378912738946157 decibels.
It was the loudest shout I've heard in my life.
I GOT A HUGE SHOCK!!!! I turned around just in time to see his scary face.
He looked like a zombie who'd been starved for a year going on a brain eating spree.
Wait, let me google a picture.
YES, I'M SWEARING THAT HE LOOKED LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PICTURE THAT PLUS EYEBALLS STARING RIGHT INTO YOU!!!
Google is amazing.
They found me a zombie in an adidas hoodie that has the exact facial expression as the nazi psycho outside the toilet. They'd be spot on if this zombie had eyeballs.
But that's beside the point. Back to my story,
Anyway that psycho scared the fucking shit out of me. Any moment he could fish out a .22 LR caliber pistol from his hoodie pocket and shoot my brains out and barbeque it with his zombie friends and eat them.
So I ran out.
Back into Domino's.
Janice, Zeke and Minyi saw my freaked expression and commented that I've "never looked so innocent in my life" and they started sniggering. HELLO, wait till you experience this yourself!!! Fuck, I've never been this scared in my life. I mean, not everyone expects to meet a psycho zombie right after taking a dump!!
Anyway, later we saw psycho zombie walk out of the toilet place laughing.
Screw him.
Then our tour guide came and said that she heard a very loud shout and saw me running out of the toilet place. She then reported that crazy dude to security and they took him away. Apparently he's been doing that the whole day, scaring people.
I wonder if he videoed this thing and uploaded it on youtube. I wouldn't want to see it.
ANYWAY I'M NOT A JEW!!!!
Hehehe
Funny jokes to lighten up the dark zombie atmosphere.
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her to some place
expensive. So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started.
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion.
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby
table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'
And then the fight started.
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I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started.
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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband :
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.'
The husband replies : 'Your eyesight is still damn perfect.'
And then the fight started.
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A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man
'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'
So the man quickly got out of the bed.
Scared and naked, he then jumped out of the window.
He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and rushed to his
car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later, he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at
the woman : 'Hey !! I AM your husband !'
The woman yelled back : 'Then why were you running?'
And then the fight started.
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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said : "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started.
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Oh, and twilightsnarker finally updated! Yay! This guy is amazing.
http://twilightsnarker.blogspot.com
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naked_came_the_stranger
Whoa oh.
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