Saturday, January 23
I went for the AEP interview. AEP is where you do Art for 'A' Levels.
It couldn't be more horrible.
First, I took 45 minutes to find the place... with the help of 3 teachers. And then I was 7 minutes late. How can I be late for an interview?! I suck!!!
When I arrived, I was all red and sweaty and gross and my hair was wiry and all over the place. Felt damn weak because haven't eaten the whole day and was running 45mins.
And then I thought that there was only one teacher interviewing me. Turned out to be 3 art teachers!!!!!!! I felt so...
small. Or cornered. IDK. It wasn't what I expected at all. :(
And that's not all... the computer kept jamming at my portfolio and it lead to awkward, silent moments. I had already planned what to show them first and last, but due to the jamming, I had to show them some traditional art while waiting for the digital ones to load.
OH NOT ONLY THAT! I had a cold too but I didn't want to stir up anything by blowing my nose. So I was trying to hold in all the gunk in my nose. GRSOS!!!! GROSS!!!
This was just the start of it.
Lulu says I was giving off 'TROUBLED KID' vibes, and I think she's right.
They saw my sec3 grades - 50+ marks avg - and sec 4 grades - a jump to 75+ avg.
So they enquired, why was i forced to drop aep? Why did I fail all my subjects in my first year in NY? What caused my change in attitude.. ?
I never prepared for this interview (planned to answer everything honestly) so this was unexpected! I still went with my only plan, that is, to answer honestly.
So I had to tell them the whole story, like I used to be very slacky and basically a shitty student.
My worst mistake: Tell them about the boarding school and my dysfunctional family.
I started tearing.
I don't know. Usually when I tell my friends about my family and stuff, I'll tell them in a near angry tone like, WHAT THE FUCK LAH HOW CAN SHE DO THIS TO ME RIGHT? I guess it's because I was talking to 3 strangers.
Then they were like *kind look* We know a school counselor. We want the best for you, we'll help you call the school counselor so that you can talk to her.
Then I started crying.
I think maybe it was the 'school counselor' word. They didn't know I've lost all my trust in adults. OK, Look at what the counselor I sought help from did to me. Asked all my ex-teachers about my past, told them about me, didn't respect my privacy and told me to give it up and not interfere, scolded me about my past, told me I didnt have a normal mind, thought that being in boarding school solved everything. (ha, and i'm gonna move out in a few days. u think everything's solved huh)
Anyway... my tears didnt fall or anything lah... my eyes were just damn watery and my mucus was slowly dripping out. FUCKING, FUCKING GROSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I used jacket sleeve to wipe. I AM GROSS OKAY!!!!! For some reason I didn't want to search my bag for my tissue and interrupt everything. Part of me was still denying that I was crying.
OK, so I just revealed my troubled past to 3 teachers ... who I have to see the next 2 years, even if they don't teach me!!!! What happened to me keeping a low profile and hoping everyone treats me like a normal kid in junior college? I suck!
wAHLAO... OK, they said I have potential and my work is quite ok for a self taught person... then they gave me 6 days to prepare for a test (wasted 2 days doing nothing, so 4 days) whereby I need to submit
FIVE A3 PREPARATORY OBSERVATIONAL DRAWINGS and then go sit a test and
complete a painting in 3 hours!!!
Let me tell you why this is tough.
1. I never sketched in my fuckin life!
2. I never painted except on my shoes!!
3. I've never drawn a big picture before! (unless forced to)
4. Wtf is observational drawing!? I have only done that once during my AEP test 5 yeaRS AGO!!11 Now I have to do 5xA3 observational drawings!!
5. I only draw cartoons.
6. I have to draw nature/trees/real life things. DIE!!!
Oh.. and..
I only have mechanical pencils. Which are so sharp, they are unerasable.
I'm fucking dead lol.
Anyway, the teachers said I'm suitable for AEP but they don't know if AEP is suitable for me since my art is very one direction and commercialized, you know? I agree with them lah! But I want to take art because I want to learn new stuff like painting and drawing bodies but being a newbie, it's not good to take this risk (for A levels esp... may fail because im a noob and not very good)
That's about it. I'm going to do my AEP test research like a no lifer now. I'm wasting my 4 days here blogging. I suck@!
Labels: aep
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