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Friday, November 12
that's what you get when you
dream.
I had a bad dream. I think it just about sums up what I feel about my papa.

In the dream, I was walking into a hospital room.
In the dream, my papa only had a few days left to live because of an accident/sudden sickness.
In the dream, my papa was old and tired.

When you see a sick person in a hospital you kinda expect him to have those tubes and oxygen mask and drip and stuff right?

Well..
He was sitting on the bed, busy writing a report. And he was telling me to help him do stuff to finish the report so that he can complete his job.

He was doing work.
He was dying but he was doing work.



.
.
Is he really going to work to death?

Nowadays, I worry that I'll get a call. And the call will say 'Go to XXX hospital now. Your dad got into a traffic accident this morning and was pronounced dead 2 hours ago. We need you to come down because you are his family.'

...

And what am I doing? Nothing productive. I tell myself to study. That's the only way I can make him happy. But studying, it's depressing. As a kid, I just want to play... But I don't deserve to enjoy myself right now.

What if he dies tomorrow? I will never forgive myself.

I wanna be a normal kid. Pay attention, study, attend school.
And I noticed I don't even say fuck anymore. I rarely appreciate sexual jokes, let alone make them. It's funny how people can change just like that. *poof* Maybe I won't see the old me again.


New poster ♥

I'm contemplating whether I should "decorate" my poster.



Like this one.

I just need a ~*miley cyrus*~ poster to complete my collection!!

paradise on earth

holy shit look at the colours ♥♥

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