Wednesday, November 30
In a stranger's bad dream
fugg yeahA levels are over!
Honestly idk I'm not that elated. Same reason as always. I started celebrating a pretty long time ago. Heh.
I'm sorry if my blog has been boring as of late. Right, I know it has been boring. I only talk about concerts and grades. Last time, pageview count really mattered to me because half my life was the Internet, but now it doesn't matter anymore. I write what I want to write.
A levels
I don't know what I'll get, but I can only hope that I will be happy with it. I did what I could to salvage my grades.GP
Remember what I said about hating GP?
It was because I was bottom 9%.
But during prelims, my comprehension paper score doubled.
So I climbed up to 66 percentile even though I still failed the essay.
If you think GP can't be studied, think again!
You definitely can't study it as much as science, but you should do about 3-4 practice papers. Skip the AQ. It's not too hard, just 1 hour each. It'll only take you one day. I did that and my score fucking doubled!
Anyway, just don't give up. GP is really hit and miss.
Something really touched me. My room mate was googling my name (idk the fuck why) but she found my GP teacher's blog. He blogged about me! His exact words:
And so I just want to record here and now that Sarah Ho, Chng Xinni, Tay Chun Mei, you make the job worth it. I will miss you all very much and our time learning together, though I know you will go on to do wonderful things in your lives:))
I'll miss him... what a nice guy.
I hope I don't disappoint him.
:(
***
Computing
Apart from this, my computing paper really scared me. I finished them both 1 hour early. For Paper 2, I submitted my script and left the exam room early. Then I met Ms Goh, my computing teacher, in her car! I showed her my paper and we started discussing answers which felt so wrong because my classmates were still in the room taking the exam. So wrong ok!!! She took my paper away coz she wanted to scan it.
I think this is the first time a teacher got her hands on a paper before it ended. God.
Worries me because WHAT IF MY ANSWERS WERE DAMN LACKING THEN HOW.
***
Econs: I HATE YOU.
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE OUT OF MY LIFE
***
Math: I'll miss you so bad and we'll meet again and i can masturbate to math equations once again because you know i am asian
...scratch that ew
***
Chem: luv ya. luv science.
university
I just submitted my application for UC Berkeley and UCLA.If I get in, I am so going.
Being a realist, I know my chances are very, very low.
I really do like California and the UC campuses though.
And,
I accidentally got into a phone call with my mum.
Me: If I get into Berkeley, I am going. Okay?
Mum: Well, sorry to say this, but Berkeley is not number one like Harvard, Cambridge. You should be applying to blablablabla LAW blablabalal MEDICINE blablsblasjhakhfsjafhjdsfv
Me:
..........Me: I understand that all parents want their kids to go to Harvard and all these Ivy League schools
Me: But most of them just have to accept that their kids are not up to their standard
Yeah then I told her why BERKELEY IS ALREADY VERY GOOD AND I DONT EVEN DESERVE IT
....
......
Rawrw!!!!!!
I SPENDED SO LONG 2 WRYTE MY APPLCAITON AND U TELL ME U WONT LET ME GO BEACUASE ITS NOT HARBIRD?!??!?!!?
HARBIRD - THE COLLEDGE THAT I NEVER EVN HEAR OF SINGAPORENS BEING ACCEPTED!??!?
U THINK I IS A TOP STUNDENT?
Sorry - bad engrish mode off now.
Let's just presume I have the smarts.
How can I ever rise to Harvard standard after everything I had to go through. Everything she made me go through.
But we shouldn't even go into this because I. Don't. Have. that level of intelligence. And I'm okay. The smarter you are, the more depressed you become. I'm happy being happy.
I don't know if parents genuinely want to best education for their kid, or they just want bragging rights.
WELP my dad trusts me to decide what is best for my career. He'll let me go.
Actually I don't know why I'm talking about this... I don't even know if I can get in. Sigh. I'll make myself happy again, whatever happens. I can and I will.
well.
Remember this?
How I felt this was 100% true?
I think I need to be more open minded and less cynical.
I'll be truthful. I think men generally care a fuckload about looks and getting laid. And I believe this because of most men I meet. In Singapore I almost never see a good looking boy with a not so good looking girl. I only ever see the opposite.
And all the boys who tell me "Oh, this girl likes me, but I don't like her because her face CMI (can't make it)." THIS IS A FEW MONTHS AFTER TELLING ME "Oh, I don't care about looks ^^". WTF.
And all the cute girls in my school who get crushed on a lot. (I LOVE LOOKING AT THEM too omg omg ok shut up gurl get back to the topic!!) The pretty girls get all the attention.
And on the Internet I also see boys insulting overweight or unattractive girls, especially on 9GAG.
....
And many other unpleasant experiences gathered from people I meet in school and from friends.
That is why I believe what I believe.
And trust me, it's fucked up and I really want to change my view. The effects of such views on my general behavior towards the opposite sex has been affected in such obvious ways, I won't bother mentioning them.
After talking to lulu, I learnt these:
1. Girls can be as superficial as guys. Girls care about looks too. And who says girls don't look for sex too? Maybe we're just more hypocritical and we don't dare to show all these because society tells us we shouldn't be like this. Essentially, all humans are superficial and we are born this way.
2. I may only be collecting "evidence" to support my view and dismissing evidence from the other side. For example, maybe I don't notice men dating physically unattractive women because I don't want to, because I want to continue believing I'm correct. Could be true. Your brain just automatically does it.
3. How does it benefit me? So what if I have the statistics on how people actually behave? People are people, not trends. How do you know someone you meet is really what you think? Everybody is different. You'll need to get to know the person either way. There are no facts when it comes to people. You don't need these expectations.
....
NOW I AM JUST SO CONFUSED.
I trust my experience a lot. What I see and what I hear and stuff.
But it is obvious I haven't seen everything yet. I shouldn't judge people based on my limited sample size.
This is damaging, because I don't trust people. I push people away. I have low self esteem because I am not one of those pretty girls so I think no one will ever like me.
I'm being shallow.
God someone help me to stop being shallow and fucking ease up.
And I'll try. Really. I'll try to be more open minded. Less judgmental. I need to grow up.
guitar
I learnt how to play "Fuck a dog" by Blink182 on the guitar. Eh it's actually not hard it's just 10 repeating notes. The song makes me happy and I like dogs srsly & obvsly blink isn't being serious so i don't really care how wrong it sounds ok Also, intros I learnt:
Giraffe - Miniature Tigers
Comforting Sounds - Mew
Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
Harry Potter intro
As soon as I learn to play chords I will try to learn the full songs.
My guitar so sexy omg
plans
So now that exams are over, I'm making myself busy again.
1. I need to get a decent SAT score.
2. I'm getting chased out of boarding school. I must find somewhere to stay and move out.
3. I need to help my daddy clear my mother's houses.
4. I need to rape my copics all over again and make beautiful art =D
5. Continue with the business I have with jubbie and make more pretty things!
6. BAKE OREO FILLED CHOCOLATE COOKIE and learn to cook.
7. Create a program, iPhone game or something cool and techy.
8. Volunteer at the animal shelter. (WHY IS IT IN EFFING PASIR RIS)
9. Dye my hair. Get braces.
10. Sleep around. I mean, at group sleepovers. No, not mass orgy. Ok the more i try to explain it the wrongererer it sounds. But yes, stayover at friends' houses and run movie marathons.
11. Watch a fuckload of sitcoms and shows. Hell yeah. Play Portal. Read Eragon.
12. Practise lots of guitar.
13. Do sports maybe. Cycle? Skate? Surf
14. GO OVERSEAS WITH MY GURLFRANS
.....
There's like 10 more but I don't think anyone would want to read
AAAAND this is why I'm never bored.
Never ending list of things I want to do, or learn, or try out, or explore.
Busy, busy, busy.
