Tuesday, November 1
I was doing fine for A level studying. Quite okay, no depression, lots of worrying, but I think today everything finally came crashing. Because of what someone said and it really affected me.
Right so all my grades are above average except for Economics. I've always been doing fine not studying it and this one time I decide to study for it and my grades drop. It was horrible for me.
So what the teacher said was:
If you find that you're sacrificing too much for your economics, you must strategize. A levels, just get C for econs.
just get C for econs.
just get C for econs.
just get C for econs.
I was very shocked.
And then I broke down and cried after a few hours.
Actually... lol. Suddenly it sounds so stupid now lol.
I think bottling up everything is no good for me.
I don't know if he meant it. It shocked me because my predicted grade is B and I was consulting him because I obviously wanted something better than that. For him to tell me to "just get C", well, it makes me think that my grasp of the subject is super weak. I mean ok, maybe he's trying to scare me. Maybe he doesn't know my ability because I just saw him for the first time and he hasn't actually seen my work yet. Or maybe I'll get a C. I don't want to get a C.
Also, why am I like this? Do I have the right to be insulted at a 'C' grade? Why am I like this? Can I blame this school and this country for doing this to me? Why do I see myself thinking of suicide if I ever get a C in my results slip? Idk. IDK. Since when did I let myself degenerate into this.... Hwachong student. Ugh help help ugh. Why iz I so emotional. I know I'm being stupid and irrational, but I can't get over it.
Okay, I'll probably get over it soon. I'm a rational and sane person. Yes.
On the bright side :D The National tickets.!
EDIT: I'm fine now :D
For the past two days I was crying non stop. Went to the toilet twice in school to cry, cried in the shower and at home and was totally emo and stupid. IDK WHY I HAVE EMO STUPID TIMES LIKE THIS MUST BE MY UTERUS ACTING UP BUT HELL IT'S OVER. It's over because my friends were there for me and some even sent me long encouraging texts and calls. I cried one last time this morning. Stressing over something that hasn't happened isn't worth it. I effectively wasted two days of precious study days being depressed.
Now I'm pretty relaxed. I'm reading interesting articles for, um, GP. I really hope I can put my heightened knowledge about the relationships and sex lives of celebrities in my essays. I hope I can.
Check this out. Father and two brothers killed a girl in Iraq then walk away scot free. I always tell people I'm not a feminist because of all the bad stereotypes but okay THIS IS JUST HORRIBLE. WOMEN ARE TREATED LIKE DIRT OVER THERE. JKAHSJKADHADHJAKFAG @#&;*^@$*!.
So two days wasted because stress made me depressed. Now I'm wasting another day reading up on useless things. At least I'm happy.
Moar things to be happy about!
1) THE COMIC BOOK I COMPILED JUST GOT
PUBLISHED. ajsdshjafgjasdjka
2) I GOT LOTS OF FOREIGN CANDY FROM
TRICK OR TREATING THIS HALLOWEEN (: Will blog about it in more detail latergater
3) Miraculously got hands on
TWO CATEGORY ONE ROW E The National TICKETS. Thanks to my bff of course:D Idgaf that it's right before A levels because IT'S THE NAT OMG. Stoked!!!! /desperate fangirl scream
Must go study their songs now ok
4) My conduct is surprisingly '
excellent' despite having close to 30 demerit points. If this is true, I
may be getting the Hwa Chong Diploma - something i thought was unattainable at the start of this year, especially after all the shit I went through last year.
tumblr
My tumblr is more active than this page!
But yeah, here's something I find highly accurate:
GOD HELP ME I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING
SNAKE'S FACE. SNAKE'S. FACE.
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