Saturday, October 20
i'm sick
And my boyfriend drove me to his place, bought me lunch, lay in bed the whole day with me and took care of me:D And brought me to the clinic after that! His dad went out to get me some medication too.
I feel so blessed! I've never been taken care of before when I fell sick. Thank bbz!!!
I remember that every time i fell sick in school, I'd insist on staying as long as I could in the sick bay. Anything but go back to a home with no proper bed and risk getting beaten up with a fever. It happened before and I wasn't going to take anymore chances.
On the bad side, lots of backlog. School is just going to get worse now.
I hate school.
Monday of week fucking NINE and I'm still crying because I don't want to to leave for school. I feel weak and nauseous everytime I have to drive there. Something is truly wrong.
This course makes me feel absolutely stupid. I barely have time to do anything with my friends. It's like I am committing a crime when I do anything leisurely. Compared to how hard everyone is working, I'm slacking. But the sad thing is, I never worked this hard in JC. I will leave at the end of the academic year if it goes on.
I mean, if you told me to work my ass off in JC to get good grades to enter a good university, I wouldn't find it unreasonable. After all, you don't have to do any of these subjects again after taking your final exams. But uni is a different thing. You're going to do that same thing for 50 years of your life. I sure as hell do NOT want to be sitting at my computer at home after work rushing programming projects or whatever like I'm doing right now. I want time to
myself. I am not going to be a slave to work. I will finish all my homework, yes, but not when you pile 2 missions, 2 paths, 2 sidequests, textbook readings, a long and difficult tutorial and a recitation worksheet on me every fucking week! (And this is one out of five modules. It's actually the module that's making me hate school)
This is why I feel lousy. People with no programming background and people who came from less prestigious schools and people who scored worse than me for A levels are beating me. As someone who got 4 H2 A's after almost repeating J1, as someone in a masters programme, I feel thoroughly disappointed with my performance. I expected more than
last in class/very below average, that's for sure.
I hate it when my profs/tutors tell me I need to put in more work. As if I'm not putting in enough. I hate how people are so passionate with coding and I'm here hating it because I'm doing so badly. I hate it when they start making facebook statuses about fucking
homework. It makes me feel bad that they can love something I hate so much.
I was one of the last in my class for Computing in Junior college. I think I was consistently last. But as soon as I put in a little more effort, I was a consistent A for four terms consecutively up til the A levels. I barely remember studying much for Computing, too. I remember leaving an hour early for the A level paper and handing my question paper to my teacher in her car. I thought doing Computing was the best choice for me because it required so little effort to do well in. I liked to code before I entered this course. Now I absolutely detest it. I hate anything I do badly in. It's different here, I guess.
I need a little theory, I guess. Everything here is too technical. Programming, programming and programming. I'm so sick of it. Anyways, I will get kicked out of my programme anyway if I don't meet my CAP of 4.0. Then I am going to leave. I don't know how I'm going to improve when I don't believe I can do it. When I hate it. I don't know how.
Yeah, I cant even plan my study schedule because they don't provide information on grading. Like, I asked my tutor what I must get for a B+, and he said he really didn't know. I said, isn't this module not bell curved, so shouldn't there be a fixed grade? And he replied, what if the finals are damn hard and everyone does badly, we have to adjust the grade right? Just work hard and you'll do well. And I'm here thinking, that's the fucking definition of a bell curve - grade adjusting! But I kept quiet because what can I do, he really doesn't know. I DON'T KNOW HOW BADLY I'M DOING AND HOW MUCH HARDER I SHOULD WORK AND HOW MUCH I SHOULD SACRIFICE FOR EACH SUBJECT. I HATE THIS UNCERTAINTY. I WANT TO PLAN AND I CAN'T.
Yeah, and I'm still pretty much friendless. I'm used to it so I no longer whine about it. Everybody has found their friends to hang out with. I don't really dare to get close to anyone here but I kind of hate school too much to. Boy, I don't even bother dressing up for school anymore. Sometimes I just go in my pyjamas without a bra.
I need someone to tell me if the whole course is this technical, if every semester is just going to be as bad as this one. I need someone to give me sound advice. I don't want to believe that I'm stupid - so, either this course is not right for me or I will eventually pick myself up. But right now, I just want out.
ultrabook~
I got a new ultrabook!!! It's a 13"3 Samsung S9 and I'm realllyyyy loving it at the moment :) It's so light (1.1kg) and the display is gorgeous! I'm so scared I scratch it. Really want to wrap it!!
It's one reason to stick to my course because I bought it to code in school. Though I guess I'll find uses for it if I leave :/
I almost bought an Acer netbook but this happened:
Seller agreed to sell me his netbook and literally had 4 days to change his mind, but waited until the meeting time, when I was beating rush hour traffic to get to his house to send me this text:
"I'm the seller of the netbook. Something happened and I'm not gonna able to sell the netbook. Sorry."
I called him for an explanation because I felt his text was insufficient.
How the fuck can you cancel so last minute and expect someone to forgive you without an explanation? It's like, "Hey man something happened so I murdered your dog. Sorry" Well he rejected my call. I texted him and it was ignored.
I agreed to travel all the way to Yishun in the jammed, rush hour traffic. We were in the middle of the jammed highway when he cancelled!
I hate Singaporeans like that. Self serving creatures.
Yeah, maybe it was a blessing in disguise because my new ultrabook is so perf :3 :3
Really??
Someone made a tumblr post:
you see this?
it’s called a razor
if you’re a girl, USE IT
your hairy legs and armpits aren’t cute okay
you’re not helping out for woman’s rights or anything
YOU’RE JUST MAKING YOURSELF LOOK NASTY
And someone gave a patient, elaborate reply:
"Or!
Women have been socialized to believe that they must remove hair for a number of reasons, primarily the following:
- hair is historically and Biblically associated with
power; we as a patriarchal culture are obsessed with keeping hair on men
(facial hair, Hair Club for Men, hair plugs, whatever) and keeping it
off women. You say hair on women is nasty; why is it only hair on women?
Women and men have the same pubic hair. We all grow it out of our
follicles for the same reason. Why is it only gross on women?
- women’s bodies have been considered the property of men
since the dawn of time, and therefore we have been held to a standard of
beauty and attractiveness that is not determined by us but is instead
determined by something called the male gaze, which is erases all
sexualities and genders other than cisgender heterosexual men and
assumes that women are performing for it.
- childlike women are considered less “threatening” and more
“feminine” because they are naive, quiet, and rely on ~*adult men*~ to
take care of them.
AND ALSO:
- there is a fallacy about pubic hair that it is dirty. It
is not dirty. In fact, it’s there to keep your genitals cleaner. Pubic
hair and armpit hair are also there to spread your pheromones around and
make it easier for you to attract a mate.
- all mammals have hair. We’re mammals.
AND FINALLY:
- No one else’s body is your business. Ever. You want to
shave? Go ahead! That’s totally your prerogative and if you’re more
comfortable shaving, feel free. But given that pubic hair isn’t innately
dirty, there’s no reason for anyone to remove it if they don’t want to.
You’re not sending out some edgy, hardcore message here.
You’re just reinforcing what our culture wants you to reinforce. Before
you pick up that razor again, think about why you want to shave. Is it
just because our culture told you to? Why’d they tell you to? What’s the
point?
Do what makes you comfortable and what makes you happy, and let others do the same."
Yeah, I thought that was a really informative and great reply.
But this girl 'perfectbody-a-perfectsoul.tumblr' reblogged it and added:
I am so sick of these fucking social justice bloggers. Not everyone
wants to hear your opinions on EVERY LITTLE THING. So what? Who cares
how some practices come about? Learn to fucking deal with society the
way it is and not try to change it to something you deem to be ‘socially
acceptable’ instead.
..........
....
Ugh, there are so many things wrong with this girl... I don't even. These are the people fighting for your fucking rights, can't you see? Without them we wouldn't be where we are right now. So yeah, screw girls who can say things like that. She'd better grow up and see how women are generally treated in society. Let's see if she can 'fucking deal' if she gets denied a job because of her gender or if she gets raped and everyone tells her she deserved it for dressing provocatively.
LOL
http://mushopea.tumblr.com/post/33770873731/url-coming-soon-allghosting-sweet-bitsy
OMG, I CAN'T EVEN.
Guys please see it omg. It's the funniest recording ever.
I think of this when I'm driving and grin like an idiot for ages :D
And my bf and I keep reciting it.
Best thing in the world!!!
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