Friday, May 17
Near death
A
wave of unfortunate events have befallen upon me. I am almost out of
this quagmire of misery and hopefully nothing else bad will happen. :-)
So here goes:
- My first relationship ended three weeks ago.
- A week after that, i got into a
car accident.
- My lung collapsed and I was
hospitalised for two weeks (I'm in hospital typing this post now)
- I had my first
panic attack in the hospital.
Accident
Disclaimer: Still suffering some trauma from what happened and might not have recalled events correctly
I was driving along a curve at Adam Road after a heavy downpour, by myself, on the way to school.
When all of a sudden, my car hit the right barricade and completely lost control.
I really do mean
completely.
At full speed, my car literally
ping ponged across the highway.
Liter-
FUCKING-ally zigzagged
three times across the road
.
I thought there and then, "
This is how I die."
I lost ALL control of my steering wheel, which was turning wildly
left, right, left. And I couldn't stop it. I'm not even sure if I was in enough composure to slam my brakes.
After
hitting the right divider, it crashed three lanes to the left and hit
the left divider, then it crashed three lanes to the right again hitting
the right divider, and finally it crashed one last time on the left
divider before the engine stalled and the car stopped.
My air bag came out and popped to cushion my head from the impact.
I
smelled the burnt wrecked engine of my car and struggled to open the
door to get out. I touched my face and saw blood on my hand. My Mumford
and Sons track on the music player was still playing. My Air Freshener
had cracked from the impact. My glasses were flung off, nowhere to be
found.
Here's my sad looking wreck of a Vios. Road was super wet.
Fun fact: If I had crashed a few metres further, there would be no divider to crash into and I would have rammed straight into the
pedestrian way/condominium walls and possibly kill several passers-by.
Can I also say how lucky I was to NOT pingpong
into any other car while
I was crashing across the highway? Because then both me and the other
car would have fucking died. There was only one BMW and Mazda behind me.
Back to the crash:
My
car door was stuck. I was freaking out, wondering if I was seriously
injured. My heart was pumping wildly and I was wondering why the fuck I
was still alive.
I was struggling to exit my car,
thinking it would explode in flames any moment. This extremely kind
woman (her name is Aunty Mary) stopped slightly in front of my car and
ran to open the door for me. She was with her son in a BMW that I
overtook shortly before my car went berserk. Another Mazda had stopped
behind my car to warn other cars to switch lanes.
Aunty Mary helped me out of the car. By then, I was a complete wreck. I was crying, and choking back tears, and I asked, "
Did I hit anyone? I don't want to kill anybody. Please don't let me kill anybody."
And she hugged me, and she said, "
No, you didn't hit anyone. You're alive and that's what matters. Don't cry. You're fine."
And I hugged her back and sobbed uncontrollably.
She
brought me to her BMW and told me to sit down in the car. I called my
dad, who said my mom was with him so he couldn't come to me. (My mom
doesn't know I drive.) So I had to call my ex's dad, and he said he'd
meet me in the hospital.
http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/singapore/car-accident-causes-two-hour-closure-of-/656634.html
There's a news article on my accident here. But my car isn't in the photos.
Hospital
Auntie Mary called the ambulance and it arrived shortly and they strapped me onto it and drove me to hospital.
I
did not suffer any major physical injuries, just a seat belt abrasion
on my neck and a dashboard bruise on my knee, which is a
miracle really. I'm glad I did not break any bones or hurt my brain.
In hospital, I got an X-Ray and it was revealed there was a large air bubble (called a
pneumothorax)
in my right lung that caused it to collapse. My heart rate was 120-130
BPM, probably coz of the lung and my anxiety from the crash.
So I was warded, and that began the
most painful two weeks of my entire life.
I
was operated on and they inserted a fairly wide tube into my lung
through my right boob (my smaller boob D:). The tube was to drain out
the air bubble.
Whoo lung fluid
Actually, I was supposed to be discharged in 3 days. However, my lung collapsed again.
So, I spent my 21st birthday in hospital.
..
A week passed.
My lung was still not better.
I had to go for a second, more
major surgery directly on my lung to cut out the air bubble and apply something to make my lung stay up.
And
so I did. I was put under general anesthesia and was asleep while they
sliced my boob to do good healy stuff to my lung. My surgeon is like,
fucking
cool as a cucumber. He was all like,
yo we had 100% successes so far so you don't got to worry nigga. And he explained the whole procedure and what happened to my lung to me which was awesome.
And it didn't hurt coz I was asleep throughout :D
Okay.. so one and a half week passed and they
removed my huge boob tube.
And I thought I could go home.
I was already having mild panic waves and depression.
Panic attack
My lung failed to recover.
A smaller air bubble appeared and some fluid collected at the bottom of the lung.
And just yesterday, I finally broke down in a panic attack.
By break, I mean, I had these
huge waves of
panic wash
over me and I screamed the whole ward down, hyperventilated and cried
and screamed to be sedated. I was given a sedation pill thing and fell
asleep for an hour. I kinda konked out after that mad episode.
I never knew panic attacks lasted so long and were so bad and hard to overcome.
Like I'd have these
moments of self awareness like
hey musho ur being a dumbass just do something useful already but like you just can't stop the waves of panic from crashing over you.
My worried friends rushed over and tried to tide me over it.
Thank you
jit woon, abigail, edwin and patrick and I'm so sorry you guys had to see me like that.
And I got over it! Hopefully, it won't happen again.
I lost 2kg in hospital and I'm
46kg now. :(
I hope to regain at least 2-4 kg when I am discharged!
My friends
My friends have helped me through this difficult time.
I have
very good friends.
I hope to repay them when I recover.
A lot of my friends visited me to
encourage me/accompany me/watch shows with me/give me hugs/buy me food and gifts/calm me down/pray for me.
Some brought their parents over to talk to me too.
Some offered to go to my house to take care of me and cook for me
after my discharge.
One was going to take school notes for me while I recovered at home.
One stayed as late as
8-10pm almost everyday to make sure I was okay, and broke into my house to get me extra clothes and things and
fed my hamster!! ;_;
Without their support, my hospital stay would have been hell.
These are the friends I will keep for
life!!!!
Aunty Mary and her son who both saved me from the accident site also came to visit me.
They kept stressing that the car accident was not my fault (I still don't really know how it happened) and said I was driving
slowly (
???) and I just had to call them up if the insurance wanted witnesses.
They brought me food and magazines and were
SO kind to me even though I could have
killed them!!! Who said Singaporeans are unhelpful and selfish? What they did was SO selfless and kindhearted!
Well,
My accident could have been much worse.
But I'm glad I am alive. This is a small price to pay to be alive.
I will drive again, but this time I will be patient and slow.
I will overcome my fear of the road and be careful in future.
Never
again do I want to be in that position of helplessness as my body is
trapped in a vehicle pingponging across a highway, or feel that
terrified feeling of incoming death.
I am just
really glad to be alive. :-)
And touched to have such great friends!
I miss
derpy so much!
And my online
shopping parcels are at home waiting to be opened.
And my
bed is big and nice and there's
aircon.
I also started watching
Adventure Time in hospital and the show is DOPE.
I'm so excited to go home!!!!
AND I CAN LEGITIMATELY USE
#YOLO
I don't know if my car is salvageable.
But if it isn't, I might get a
Mini Cooper.
Idk, depends on what my dad decides really.
I am discharged.
I have a one month MC but I am going for summer class to keep myself productive!
Labels: Death
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