Sunday, December 1
foxxxxx
ff t-shirt come to mama!!!
will buy IE and chrome t-shirt when I have the $$$
my lyf
My hair is blue with purple tips now. :D
Actually, since 2 months ago...
I haven't updated in months.
I feel like I'm losing myself and my inspiration. Trying to keep my CAP above 4 while doing modules I absolutely have no interest in. I no longer feel the want to draw or design anymore. I haven't found anything I want to specialise in and right now coding stuff is so frustrating most of the time. The fucked up thing is, I'm doing better than half the cohort. If I can't even code for nuts, what is this half doing?! What do they do? I don't see myself as a programmer... do
they? What are they going to do? Bf says the non-coders become network administrators.
I'm really proud of bf, but at the same time very envious. He did some extensive research on computer graphics for his FYP and professors are clamouring to hire him as a research assistant. I long to find something I'm passionate about in the world of programming. I want to be good at coding
something and I want to be hireable. I want to do something
designey but I'm forced to do these algorithmic/networking modules that put me off algorithms/networking/coding even more.
Worse still, NUS has made Computer Science modules un-SUable (means the grades are counted) so I don't even dare to do the coding ones that I think are useful because I think I'm bad at coding and don't want these modules to pull my grade down. GRADES FUCKING GRADES I wish I could let them go. I was very stressed this semester and broke down a couple times due to crappy grades and crappy team mates.
What's even more shitty is I'm suffering trauma from the goddamned car accident and I keep having nightmares about dying. When I'm walking outside I suddenly envision getting run over by a bus and when I hear a noise at home I think my house is on fire or someone is here to stab me to death. Keep thinking of contracting cancer when I'm 25. And I start freaking out and I can't sleep.
I'm not sure what seeing a therapist would do because nothing can make me un-experience the car accident and almost losing my life.
It's like, you hear about statistics on accidents and stuff and you think "Ah, won't happen to me" BUT WHEN IT DOES YOU KEEP THINKING IT WILL HAPPEN
AGAIN. It's really affecting my emotions and making me depressed occasionally and unable to concentrate.
And then I have this loving bf who is so good to me. Staying up late and putting off work and sleep to console me and spend time with me. I live for his cute ass face that always lights up when he sees me even when he's really tired. I probably absorbed a little happiness off him, else I'd probably be a frowny dried up clitoris by now. It's been 6 months and we are really happy. Which makes me even sadder when I think about dying bec I really badly want my corgi, samoyed and shiba inu and two cats with him!! I only hope that things pick up and I stop being such a huge emotional burden on him.
Anyway, exams are over and I have a new thing to stress about: FINDING A NEW HOME FOR MYSELF AND MY BROTHER. Some people ask, why not go to the hostel?? They don't understand. Students who stay in the hostel have a home (with their family) to put their stuff in. So they just bring a fraction of their belongings to put in their room. I don't. I have to move everything. How am I going to fit my furniture, oven, microwave, bed in a tiny hostel room?! I'd love to stay in the hostel, really, but if I keep my furniture with my mother, it will be the last i'll ever see of them. Besides, it would be cruel to leave my brother with my mother once again, if I were to stay in a hostel.
Lol, so that's a summary of how I've been - Stressed and occasionally depressed about death.
Balm stain!!
Last time i heard an average woman eats 8kg of lipstick in her life.
And i thought i was never gonna be that woman because i'll never use gross lipstick!!!!
But I bought Revlon Balm Stain in Rendezvous (orange red) and Romantic (red) and omgomgomgg lipstick is so addictive and brightens up my face!!!
It smells of lovely peppermint. Love the color!! But I wish it'd last longer.. but I don't think its their fault bec i keep licking my lips to eat the peppermint
Does anyone have long lasting, non sticky, nice smelling orangey-red lipstick to recommend?
I love putting it on and forcing bf to kiss me and watching him struggle to avoid my face because he doesn't want lipstick on his lips :DD
mew concert
Finally got to see my favourite band live at camp symmetry :')
Along with other great bands - ra ra riot, wild nothing, san cisco, last dinosaurs etc!
purple light
Oh ya, another thing that pissed me off recently is the purple light incident.
Singapore's womens rights organisation, AWARE, wrote to the Singaporean military about their concern for this song that NS men were singing which had this verse about raping their cheating girlfriend. So the military banned the song.
And then my facebook newsfeed starts popping up with commentary asking AWARE to fuck off army space because women are not in the military!! And men start ridiculing AWARE for writing a simple letter. As if women have to be in the military to stand up against joking about rape?!!
Aside from articles that ridicule AWARE that men like to share, men also particularly like this one:
https://www.facebook.com/notes/joel-goh/purple-light-rape-and-the-real-reason-men-are-angry-with-aware/160010334209789
Which is basically maligning AWARE (AWARE didn't demand anything) and saying women not serving NS is the
BIGGEST gender inequality! (
"All the while conveniently ignoring the fact that NS itself is the biggest sexual inequality in the whole matter.") Um, really, should rape and serving the military be compared against each other?
AWARE just wanted to write a letter voicing their concern about that distasteful verse. But y'all get so agitated when they don't include
you men in that same letter? Lol!!! Do you know what I see? Men trying to talk over women.
Men not allowing women to voice their issues if women don't bring men's inequalities in as well.
And then this article says AWARE has not done much to bring women into NS. (
"However, this lip service to sexual equality counts for little when they have done close to nothing to bringing this "official support" to fruition") Are you
fucking kidding me?!!
How can you compare writing a simple concerned letter to BRINGING IN THOUSANDS OF NEW RECRUITS INTO ARMY? Do you know how long this kind of thing takes?! Bringing women into the military will take lots of planning and lots of debates and working out budget and space constraints. Are you sure this is AWARE's job and not MINDEF's?!
I think women should do compulsory NS if men are doing it as well. BUT WOMEN SERVING THE MILITARY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS ISSUE why are people even bringing it up TOGETHER with this issue? Like, I have no problems if you want to talk about gender inequality with respects to only men serving NS right now, and I will support you when you say we should serve too, but like, saying "Women don't serve NS, so they should shut up and let us joke about something that affects them in their daily lives!" is just...!!
And this - "
In their rush and eagerness to claim credit for it (rather than letting Mindef announce it on their own), Aware's sheer lack of sensitivity has caused their proud brag to backfire on them so spectacularly." Do I see a
man telling women to be quiet and to let the man's organisation do the talking instead? Should I even be surprised? AWARE wrote the fucking letter and talked to NS men who gave them info about it. Why should they shut up? They did the work!!!!
Like, I know this whole thing has put NS men in a bad light and I know NS men go through a lot of shit in their forced two years of serving and I know the media likes picking on NS men for no reason. I'd prefer if AWARE had kept this matter private but seriously, when it went public, I didn't think much of it and my view of NS men didn't change. But it did, when I kept seeing men making misogynic comments telling women to fuck off/shut up. I got really angry because AWARE didn't do anything to deserve the amount of backlash they got. AWARE actually does a good amount of working supporting victims of domestic and sexual violence. So, I will defend them when men try to attack them.
new notes
I have uploaded to my
skydrive my semester's files and notes for
CS2010 Data Structures & Algorithms II
CS2105 Introduction to Networks
CS3241 Computer Graphics
NM3216 Game Design
NM1101e Communications & New Media
Basically the modules i took this sem.
I actually had freshmen come up to me to ask me for advice on modules, which made me feel helpful!! :) You can ask me stuff about (most of) these modules in the tagboard! :) Especially PH1102e/LSM1301/CS3240!
Labels: NUS notes
◀ Previous posts
Newer posts ▶
