Sunday, October 19
midterms
I spent most of my recess week feeling inferior and sad and didn't study much. But my midterm results are pretty okay.
- Statistics: 47/50, »75th percentile
- I don't know how the fuck this happened
- I stopped doing tutorials after the first week
- I didn't do a single practice question
- but math has always been my strongest subject i guess
- Database: 19.5/30, very slightly above average
- I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER UGH MOST OF MY SQL STATEMENTS WERE 0 T_T
I don't really care for these subjects because they aren't important to what I want to do in future. I know finals won't be the same, though.
AFA and art
I got an AFA booth. It's ONE day after my finals. I'll have to prepare for AFA while preparing for finals and rushing projects. I'm really scared. The booth is expensive too - $450 - but luckily I'm sharing with two really amazing girls, Nic and Lingxi! Nic is an absolute bundle of joy and encouragement and Lingxi (I don't know her that well) is an engineer and in that sense I feel similar to her because we both like art but chose to major in engineering related fields.
Yeah, I'm afraid I won't have much to produce on that day. I hate juggling art and school! PLEASE, let me have time to do a good job next year.
Just writing what I hope to make:
- Pokemon omega/alpha ruby/sapphire sticker set
- Shirobako badges
- Complete akame ga kill badges
- Aldnoah zero/gekkan shoujo charms and badges
- Sellout stuff like psycho pass and fate/stay night and twintails
I accidentally a painting. I always like drawings of olive/dark-skinned girls because they are not only uncommon, they're also beautiful.
portfolio
I rushed this in less than a week and sometimes I really like it and sometimes I hate it but I think at least it clearly shows the stuff I do. (Right?) Let me know if you find anything glaring.
emotions
I just felt really inferior about myself and went to play Pokemon World Tournament with rental pokemon and lost to Bianca and I started crying. My bf is stressed and my friends are busy and I feel nothing is really working out.
I keep changing my focus on what I want to do well in.
- Art: I wanted to update my fb page and instagram regularly with sketches. I wanted to draw fanart of shows I was a fan of. I havent done any in ages.
- School: I vowed to catch up with school work after I thought my midterms went badly, instead I skipped full days of school to work on my portfolio
- Coding: I wanted to make a nice portfolio and resume but I no longer have time to do it I have to focus on school projects.
- Baking: I wanted to make souffle, now there are just two butter sticks in the fridge rotting away.
- Looking pretty: I havent worn contacts in ages, every day i just go to school tired and ugly. My dye has washed out.
- Blog: I wanted to keep updating my blog with interesting stuff.
I know i'm whining about the same thing over and over again
But it just seems impossible to do all of these at once
And I know it is not my fault if I can't do it
I don't need to do all these
But yet I make myself do all of these
ANd feel bad when I can't do all of them at once
I could live a comfortable life not achieving any of this (Lol my bf has no problem with me not working BUT OF COURSE I WONT ALLOW IT!! MY EGO TOO BIG)
Feminism
Ok so I recently heard of
#gamergate lol and I have a bunch of anti-feminist friends on facebook and I feel uncomfortable because I'm a feminist! I understand that the 'feminists' here have played a role in unfair censorship but omg why are the rest of us branded under them too??? We don't want anything to do with these feminists. :( We want to go back to discussing the real issues! Like
this issue!
Here are a bunch of my random thoughts
- Whoa ever since emma watson people have been talking a lot about it and of course, debating about it. In these debates, there is always one guy who tries to bring in men's issues
- I don't understand why these guys are so afraid of men's issues being ignored. I am a feminist but I care a lot for men's issues too. My own mother physically abused my father and could manipulate police into thinking it was the other way round. I read stories about women raping and breaking into boyfriends houses etc. Of course abuse happens on both sides. I don't need you butting in to talk over people god
- I can't stand people equating sexualisation of women with sexualisation of men. ONE IS MORE RAMPANT THAN THE OTHER people
- A lot of people have started saying "It's not feminism, it's egalitarianism." So I think I should clarify this: Feminism is a subset of egalitarianism. Egalitarianism covers a whole host of issues, not just gender, but race and class and stuff. It's true feminism needs a rebranding, but by replacing feminism with just egalitarianism, it could drown women's issues within the rest. And also because patriarchy exists, which makes women the marginalised group. Being a feminist doesn't mean you can't believe in other subsets of egalitarianism too!!!
- I'm shocked at the amount of hate feminism receives. I understand that all groups have their extremists. But considering NO FEMINIST HAS EVER MURDERED ANYONE IN THE NAME OF FEMINISM (but it has happened the other way round) and we haven't committed terrible things like mass genocide why are we getting such a large proportion of hate?! The worst I have seen "feminists" do is the #gamergate censorship and spouting ridiculous man-hating on the Internet. I'm not even sure if it's really the feminists' doing, considering 4chan did start #EndFathersDay.
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