I am Musho / Xinni and I am an artist, designer and programmer. I'm a Singaporean living in California as a designer at Google. I blog about my
art, music, shows, games, beauty stuff, school and a lot of personal events in my life. You will feel awkward reading this if you know me.
Relocationinprogress
I'm sorry for the lack of posts argh!! Relocation is taking up more time than I thought. As I start adult life and build a home, I have lots of big purchases to make and I want to put proper research into them.
Soon I'll be returning to Singapore again for a short while before starting work. I miss Singapore so much!! Guess migrating is quite time consuming - apart from packing your entire life into boxes, you have to discontinue all your bills and make sure your SG services work overseas. For example, I no longer have a Singaporean phone number to authenticate bank transfers. I also have to inform the government about new address and everything. And the last minute catching up with friends - I don't know when I'm going to see them next T.T
Grad trips complete!
Anyway, I just got back from Hawaii, the last of my grad trips!! :D
After graduation, I traveled to Bali, Taiwan, Vietnam and Hawaii with different friends who were very accommodating with the places I wanted to visit. I'm really blessed to have these friends who are willing to travel with me Q_Q
Lol I made a video for the first time. I was testing out the Surface Pro at the Microsoft store in Hawaii.
Becoming boring
I've aware that I've been blogging about more boring adult things lately. Jobs, housing, travel, shopping... pretty much everyone's life about that. OMG, am I gonna be a mommy blogger next week?!! *rubs imaginary baby*
10 years ago, my online journal was my outlet to vent about my acne, flame people I dislike, delve into nasty details about my child abuse - I think I even (unintentionally) wrote racist things once and a parent saw it and complained to my school LOL. As a teenager, I didn't have to hold back because I didn't have much to lose. Even though I was called to the principal's office multiple times for bad behavior, given tons of demerit points for being a shit student etc, I made it to university and graduated.
But now with a job on the line, I no longer have the luxury of posting whatever I want. Hell, I'm risking a lot right now because I haven't deleted the shitposts I made all these years.
Lulu, HS and I were reminiscing about our bratty past selves. Lulu pointed out a post I made on her DeviantART wall 10 years ago. I mean, look at what a terrible (and angsty) teen I was LOL. This friend that I flamed is one of my best friends now. And he didn't do anything wrong, I was just a BIG CYBERBULLY!! I'm really ashamed of myself.
"fucking talking hippocampus" on the last paragraph.... LMAO pls teen musho. pls. Like is that even an insult? You literally labelled him as the "elongated ridges on the floor of each lateral ventricle of the brain"
I definitely have mellowed out and become less mean (I hope!). I don't think it's cool to say 'fuck' so much anymore. I still harbor nasty thoughts sometimes and need to vent, but these vents mostly go to my friends now.
I have more to lose
At 24 years old, if I post that kind of shit, call my boss mean names like hippocampus, who knows, I could be sued for defamation, lose my job and livelihood, be sent back to Singapore, imprisoned with amos yee, dishonor on my family, dishonor on my cow etc etc.
Don't really have pimples to complain about
I can't even rant about acne anymore (though this calls for celebration) because I found a routine that finally kept my pimples away (thanks r/skincareaddiction and cosdna.com). Like a responsible woman I put on sunscreen and moisturize and exfoliate and all that. I buy better quality makeup, and I'm slowly getting rid of my drugstore makeup.
There are parts of my childhood that I want to keep. I want to keep drawing. I want to return to gaming - neopets was one of the things that made me excited to wake up every morning. But with more and more responsibilities, I'm finding it difficult. "Haven't had the time to do XXX" is one of my most common phrases now.
So I can't even picture having children. Boy, if I have children, I'll probably disappear completely from the internet. I'm afraid my identity will be wiped out, and I'll just be defined as a mother. Instead of living for myself, I'd have to live for others. I can't get used to the idea, but that's a story for another day.
Guess migrating is quite time consuming - apart from packing your entire life into boxes, you have to discontinue all your bills and make sure your SG services work overseas. For example, I no longer have a Singaporean phone number to authenticate bank transfers. I also have to inform the government about new address and everything. And the last minute catching up with friends - I don't know when I'm going to see them next T.T
.....
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