~*~ Panda keanu reeves ~*~

Wednesday, July 8

Remember when I said that my life couldn't be more fucked up than it was?
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I was wrong.

I just did the most stupid thing I ever did in my life.
It's more idiotic than getting pregnant!!

OK, yesterday. The boarding school served a microscopic amount of squid rings and fish as dinner. Being incredibly hungry I wolfed down everything in 6 minutes.
I was still very hungry.

So, I decided to cook instant noodles.
I opened the Indofood packet and dumped the dry noodles into my microwavable tupperware.
Then I put the tupperware into the microwave, and set it to MAX HEAT, 7 MINUTES.

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10 mins later.

My room mate rushed into the room, complaining about a burning smell from the pantry engulfing the whole level.

I could even smell it from the open door. It smelt like, you know, steaming hot claypot.

I piped out "Oh! That must be my instant noodles! It must be ready~!!" And I was really happy and I ran out of the room to get my cooked, fragrant instant noodles that smelled like claypot.

However, as I approached the microwave, the burning smell got unbearably strong. People were opening their room doors, holding their noses. I sensed that something had gone wrong.

I went to the microwave and opened it.
I saw..
Black. All black.
Like ashes.

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.......

I was so hungry, I had forgotten put water on the instant noodles, and I just put dry noodle biscuit in the microwave to cook.

I'm pausing, now, for 5 seconds, for you to laugh at my retardedness, for you to shower scorn on my stupidity, for you to back away in fear of contracting my germs of idiocy.

Ok. So there were toxic fumes of burnt plastic everywhere.

I stood there quite devastated and then I ran back to my room screaming.
Then I went to Felicia's room and screamed.

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Felicia went back to the microwave with me.
On the way, two fucked up boarders came out of the rooms and started following us.
Upset, I waved my arms about and begged them distraughtly "Please don't follow. Please please plspls don't."

They ignored me and followed us.
I rolled my eyes, asking why some people were such busybodies.
I was already so upset.

We (including the two fucked up boarders) arrived at the microwave and Felicia took out my tupperware.
On the bottom of the tupperware was a huge, burnt black hole.
My noodles were black-ish.

One of the fucked up girls' eyes widened and asked "Wow, what did you do?"
Because I couldn't think, I told her what I did.

She smirked.
As if I didn't feel stupid enough.

Then the two fucked up boarders went back to their rooms.
Felicia helped me throw away the tupperware. -sigh- she's so great.

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Suddenly, a tutor (a tutor is someone in charge of a certain group of boarders in the boarding school) emerged from her room and said "Who did this?"

I raised my hand and said "Me."

And then (don't know why) but she suddenly exploded in a tirade of broken English and I could only catch the words:
"Why did you arrive so late?"
"Fire!"
"I reported this to the office!"
"Sorry!"
"Sorry!"
"Sorry!"
"Sorry!"
"Sorry!"

Wondering why she was apologising to me, I said "Okay, okay" in an attempt to comfort her, because her face was all screwed up and she looked like she was about to burst into tears.

I was puzzled but my mind was in a mess.

She put her hand to her heart and said "Sorry! Sorry!"
I kept saying "Okay, okay."

She rambled distraughtly about some more things I couldn't catch.
Then she shook her head and walked away.

I turned to Felicia, befuddled.
.....

Felicia told me that she was asking ME to say sorry.
The tutor didn't know lots of English.

I didn't know, okay?!
I really thought she was saying sorry to me for reporting me to the office.
I didn't know she wanted me to apologise for exploding the microwave.

My life is already so fucked up after exploding the microwave.
Now the tutor is really pissed off with me.

As this happened, the two fucked up boarders were standing outside their room, watching the free show. They whispered to each other and cast dismissing glances at me.
Fucktards. Do you know how horrible I felt already, you still have to stand there watching me and whispering shit into each others' ears? You two really do know how to be insensitive bitches, don't you?!!!!! Fuck you very much!

Didn't even bother to help me. Just stood there gossiping and whispering like mad.

This reminds me whenever someone commits suicide. People will start asking "Got take picture or not?" Oh god, I mean the poor dead person already die liao, still take picture?! Do you know what RESPECT is??!!

RESPECT FOR THE POOR AND UNHAPPY!!?!?!?!

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OKAY.
This is not the end of it.

Suddenly, there was an announcement to the whole boarding school.
"BOARDERS FROM ROOM XXXX (my room), PLEASE COME TO THE OFFICE NOW."

Felicia was helping me clean up the microwave, I was shaking like mad.
She told a very dazed me to go down to the office.

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In the office.

A staff member (Let's call her fishball woman) asks," May I know which one of you burnt the microwave?"

I said, "Me."
Fishball woman said "What happened?"

I told her.
Fishball woman restrained herself from laughing, and proceeded to give me a 3-min lecture about how I could have burnt down the whole boarding school and killed several sleeping innocent boarders.

OK, look.
Do you think I purposely exploded the oven?! I was so muthafucking hungry!
Do you think I'll do it again? Of course not!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY IS EVERYONE OUT TO MAKE ME FEEL WORSE?!?!?

I started to sniffle and told her how hungry I was, that I commited that crime. I argued that the boarding school canteen should not starve us, and allow us second servings of meat.
She took pity on me and went to fetch some food for me.

Lol, which is a miracle because I have heard of Fishball woman making little girls cry. Even my room mates are surprised at her niceness. Maybe it's because I was stammering like mad.

P.S. I was stammering because I couldn't imagine how I was so stupid. Not because I'm scared of her.

Then she handed me a piece of reflection paper with a lot of questions and said I had to fill it out.
All for forgetting to wet my instant noodles. WTF? I don't even know why accidents have to be reflected on.

I filled it out anyway.

The reflection paper:
Q: What happened? (Third time in an hour!!)
A: Microwave burnt, emitting foul smelling smoke. Reason: Microwaved dry instant noodles without adding water.

Q: What were you thinking when you were doing your behavior/actions?
A: I am so hungry

Q: Who and how have (they) been affected by your behavior/actions?
A: Boarders and tutors that smelled the smoke thinking it was fire. Yeah, and boarders who got a good kick mocking the hell out of me.

Q: What would you have done differently, if given a second chance?
A: I would put water in my instant noodles

Q: What can you do to fix things up?
A: Clean up the oven

Q: How can you prevent it from happening again?
A: I would put water in my instant noodles

Q: What should happen if you do it again?
A: I should be expelled from the boarding school for extreme stupidity.

Q: What can Boarding School do to help you?
A: Allow second servings of meat so as to prevent starving souls from committing acts of idiocy that may result in detrimental consequences

(Signature of boarder)

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Okay.
You think I'm finished right?

No, I've to clean up the shit of the mess I left behind.
Do I have to buy a new oven?
What shd I do?

I went online.

Googled "Burnt plastic microwave".
Page failed to load.
Page failed to load.
Page failed to load.
Page failed to load.
Page failed to load.
Page failed to load.

No choice. Call form teacher.

Dialed Mrs Ng.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
No answer.

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.......

Last resort. Call co-form teacher.

Dialed Mr Sit.
Ring.
ANNOYING Room mate who thinks I like 55 yr old men: OOoOOooh are you calling your old man boyfriend?
Ring.
Me: Oh, totally!!
Ring.
STUPID Room mate who thinks I like 55 yr old men: Really ah, really ah? Must be as handsome as the __55 yr old father from 1 litre of tears__ right? Right?
Ring.
Me: No, he looks like a -

Mr Sit picked up!! He said "HALLO?"

I was so shocked (I was about to give a description of how Mr Sit looked like) that I gasped.
My annoying room mate saw and burst into laughter.
I followed suit.

I was laughing into the phone call to Mr Sit.
"PLEASE WAIT! PLEASE WAIT!!" I begged him.

Then me and room mate laughed like shit into the phone for half a minute.
He was still on the line.
I think he thinks it was a prank call, some truth or dare thing.

In between fits of laughter I told him of my predicament and asked him WHAT TO DO!!
He told me very wisely to just clean it up.
I thanked him.
YES, THAT WAS VERY EMBARASSING!! MY ANNOYING ROOM MATE! KEEP LAFFING!!

Anyway, I cleaned up the oven. I also put a DANGER sign there telling people not to touch.

+ + + + + + +

Mrs Ng texted me telling me that microwave ovens heat things thru moisture.
Everyone thinks I'm stupid.

Needless to say, rumours do spread very fast. I find people staring at me in bemusement as if they've just met stupidity in person.
Ugh, fucked up people. I could care less.

Now, I admit that I think I'm really daft.

Love can make people do stupid things.
Hunger can make people do stupider things.

Labels: BURNNNNNN, instant noodles, the stupidest thing i have done in my whole life

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