HAPPY 2020. It's been a long time since I last posted. 

Keeping this blog, but...

I don't think I'll be blogging regularly but I still want to keep this space for major updates. I just can't give things up!! I know I've been saying this forever, but I need to change this blog layout soon to reflect the more active parts, like my social media. 

Teenage musho didn't have lots of real life friends, so she blogged about school, pimples and family. She didn't give a fuck about my school reading any of it. 

Now, I have a job to keep, and I got rid of my toxic friends and acne. My remaining problems mainly go to my therapists and friends.

I can't expect anyone to check this space anymore, but please subscribe under the "mailing list" section of the blog to get updates 1-2x a year!!

2) Be kind

I'm surrounded by people who genuinely want to make others' lives better and would drop anything to help someone. I don't know how they do it but I want my motivations to be less self centered and be more like theirs.

3) Enjoy the things I love

Me at SacAnime Winter - first con of 2019!

And very tired

In 2018 I...

❤

 Created and grew my online business, heymushimoo.etsy.com 

400+ sales in my first year! I operate my shop and mail out orders from my work desk, LOL. *coworkers eyeing me suspiciously why is she mailing stuff every day* I feel so honored that customers pay to have my work be part of their lives, and I hope that the effort I put in my business will be worth it. 

The other day, I told my mentor "I want to start my own business when I'm older" and he said "You DO have a business." Then it hit me! I've been running an online shop, doing events, marketing and PR. Although I'm starting small, I'm doing something. So i'll keep it up and try not to die because I have a full time job to take care of...

❤ 

Grew my art social media, instagram.com/heymushimoo at almost 4000 followers. From learning how to create ad campaigns, to spamming hashtags, to posting at optimum times, it's been tiring, but I'm glad I did something I've dreaded for years. I no longer obsess over this all the time. 

❤ Did my first two USA conventions!!
Anime Expo with my friends was an unforgettable experience. My friend got to meet her art idol at AX!

Crunchyroll Expo was pleasant and I'm grateful I got selected (It was a relief because I get rejected so much).

I'm going to sell at several conventions in the USA every year as it keeps me creating :)

❤ Traveled to 
France, 
Korea, 
Japan, 
Amsterdam, 
Germany 
and Malaysia 

I traveled a fuck ton and met friends and animals from different countries.

I got to go to Singapore twice!

I got to fly business class twice!! *weird flex but ok 2*

❤ Joined YouTube Gaming, a team I love!


YOUTUBE GAMING.
HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT.
Joining Google was cool.
And being in this team makes this extra cool.

I get to research Gaming culture and make products for Gaming users and creators. It's not always easy, but I just want to keep learning and doing my best.

My boss is great, and my team CLAPS AT THE END OF MY PRESENTATIONS. People come up to me to tell me how much they like my work. ahjsgdhsjada I am still not used to it but I definitely feel supported and appreciated here.



❤  Grew a lot in my job. 
This year at work had significant downs.

There was a point in my year where I thought I was a shitty designer, my projects weren't doing well and I felt that my work was unimportant. I felt like it was my fault. I felt alone and I felt crazy because everything that was happening was the exact opposite of my previous experiences.

I was crying every night feeling like a failure.

But eventually I realized I wasn't alone and a lot of that wasn't true. I fought for my future with the help of my friends and now I'm in a better place. I really, really couldn't have done this without my kind and supportive friends who helped me. I learnt to be more confident in myself.

• Apart from that, I learnt about what it means to be a compassionate leader. Leading is not about telling others what to do. It's about stepping back and trusting others, and only stepping in to empower those under you. 

• My imposter syndrome is not as bad as before. Yet, I don't feel particularly smart or talented. In fact, I constantly feel jealous and lousy because my friends who are younger and been here shorter have already been promoted. I'm working on those feelings. I try to save nice things people say about me, and remember them. For example, a head engineer wrote that I'm the most talented designer he's seen in his 6+ years at Google. For someone who just started out, that meant a lot. 

• I also established myself as a strong presenter. In the past, I was so nervous about presenting, but I made myself do it over and over again. Now I get compliments on my Slides all the time! 

• I learnt how to lead meetings, and make sure agendas run on time.

• I'm better at strategizing. I am making effort to understand the goals of everybody so that I work on the most important things.

• I found my passion at work, which is to better designer and engineer collaboration, and want this to be my north star as I progress. Eventually, I want to help build product teams.

• I'M ALSO A LOT MORE JADED and feel like I'm running out of passion, lol.

❤  Started reading again thanks to audio books! Completed Factfulness and Difficult Conversations

❤  Grew a lot emotionally, tried to be kinder, self aware, honest, and a better listener. I'm working on these by observing those kinder than me, and through therapy.

❤ No more toxic friendships! I've had friendships where there was unnecessary competition, criticism, abusive words, gaslighting, guilting, refusing to listen etc. Those negative feelings made me avoid them or shut them out unintentionally, which ended up hurting them too.


It was so hard, but I finally cut every single toxic friend from my life. Even friendships that lasted 10+ years. I had to go to therapy to make that decision, and BOY IS IT FREEING. We had good times and I'll miss these people, but I just want supportive friends: I have enough negativity inside myself and I need people to lift me up, not put me down.

Getting rid of toxic friendships also helped me form new friendships and strengthen my closest friendships!

❤  Kept working out, 1-2x a week! 

❤  Learnt finance things and invested my savings

❤  Built my dream work desk
*self proclaimed* I have the coolest desk in the OFFICE
 ❤ Drank milk tea like every fucking day



2017 accomplishments
Because I never had the discipline to sit down and write about that eventful year, I'm gonna write down highlights of 2017 

⭐ I started my first full time job at Google and didn't get fired! So far at YouTube, I have not met another designer without a design degree, let alone from Singapore, so I'm super proud that I'm here (BUT will not forget the support I got from various people that got me here)

⭐ Launched my first feature in YouTube.

⭐ Presented to 3000+ people at YouTube at a conference

⭐ Published a paper
⭐ Despite trauma from my car accident, I drive myself to work every day.

⭐ Started renting my own apartment and paying my own bills

⭐ Got a cat



⭐ Designed the Google Anime Club T-shirt.

⭐ Built my own PC.


⭐ Researched skincare and improved my skin texture

⭐ Got better at (but also more dependent on) makeup

⭐ Wisdom tooth surgery

⭐ Started self care by going for therapy and massages and working out

In 2019 I would like to

🌌  Give a design talk

🌌  Make more comics

🌌  Try live streaming art

🌌  Value myself and remain confident despite my lack of experience and low ranking within the company

🌌 Be productive and let myself take breaks

🌌  Lose weight (my triple layer belly omg) rely less on dessert

🌌 Travel more within USA - New York, Seattle, Portland

🌌  Bring my bf to Japan

🌌  Try to meditate

🌌  Get eye surgery

🌌  Buy fewer clothes and makeup

🌌  Play more games

🌌  Figure out my finances