Tuesday, March 26
Someone at work said a nice thing to me today. She said, "You look like you're a model. Have you done any modeling before?"
I didn't know what to say.
At 26 it was nice to hear that!!
When I was in school I had many pretty friends. I wish I was pretty like them. Now I've grown to accept my flat facial features, protruding eyeballs and aging skin.
I still religiously put on skincare and makeup every day, but beauty is longer a focus of mine. I don't take that many selfies anymore! I guess, at work, looking nice doesn't seem to get you taken more seriously.
My first design talk
With my designer friend I gave a design talk at YouTube!!
I did a live design demo, which was nerve wracking but I'm glad I did it.
People learnt stuff from us!! We got a 4.8/5 rating.
I'm so proud.
I plan to do 2 more this year
- One in Singapore about my personal UX journey at Google
- One later in the year to Google about UX/Engineer collaboration
I got a Samsung S10 now!! It's gorgeous.
I just made a custom skin!!
I sit very close to two dogs
This is hiro, he is is an 8 year old forever puppy!! he's quiet and super cute
This is Maya, she's the sweetest chihuahua!
Sesame turned 4 recently! :)
I was in Switzerland!
I ate the best sushi in my life, Sushi Yoshizumi.
A Michelin star at San Mateo!
More work pics lmao. Here's YouTube's new lobby
Also went to Seattle.
Getting over stress
I was in a crazy anxiety mode the past few months, feeling inferior and lousy compared to my younger friends who've progressed further in their career. I'm so competitive and scared of failure, and performance reviews really do a number on me.
But I have to remind myself that...
- I overcame challenges unique to me, and it's not fair to compare myself to others.
- I love my team and they love me too, and that's what matters most.
- I'm talented, and I should keep doing what I'm passionate about. And have fun!
- I work on the coolest product ever. Not every Googler gets to work in Gaming!
- A few years won't matter to the entire span of my career.
I have to thank my supportive mentors and friends who got me out of my self-depreciating state. I'll most likely fall back into it again, but hopefully each time I get myself out of it a little faster.
I ALSO JUST DID ACCOUNTING AND TAXES AGGGHHH
I store my business expenses in a Google Sheet now omg
Labels: food, life, phone, photos, seattle, Selfies, switzerland, travel, work
Sunday, January 13
Me at SacAnime Winter - first con of 2019!
And very tired
Man, I'm stuck at what to do with this blog. I still need a place to post more deep and reflective
thoughts. But no one's gonna read it if I post so little!
This place used to be my rant corner and I complained a lot about school. But now that I work, everything is under NDA, so I can't get into details about my job, let alone bitch about my job. It's unprofessional and Musho is a changed man who is trying to be professional
I'll post important updates several times a year, and I'd love if you still read my posts!!! You can subscribe to email updates through this google service.
It should notify you for every new post.
Will probably try to shift this blog to a simpler layout with my Twitter
feed higher up.
WARNING... MANY WEIRD FLEX BUT OKs
I spent this year feeling unproductive and stressed. But, making myself write what I've achieved makes me proud of doing stuff I was scared of doing. One day, I hope not to base my worth on my accomplishments.
In 2018 I...
400+ sales in my first year! I operate my shop and mail out orders from my work desk, LOL. *coworkers eyeing me suspiciously why is she mailing stuff every day* I feel so honored that customers pay to have my work be part of their lives, and I hope that the effort I put in my business will be worth it.
The other day, I told my mentor "I want to start my own business when I'm older" and he said "You DO have a business."
Then it hit me!
I've been running an online shop, doing events, marketing and PR. Although I'm starting small, I'm doing something. So i'll keep it up and try not to die because I have a full time job to take care of...
Grew my art social media, instagram.com/heymushimoo
at almost 4000 followers. From learning how to create ad campaigns, to spamming hashtags, to posting at optimum times, it's been tiring, but I'm glad I did something I've dreaded for years. I no longer obsess over this all the time.
❤ Did my first two USA conventions!!
Anime Expo with my friends was an unforgettable experience. My friend got to meet her art idol at AX!
Crunchyroll Expo was pleasant and I'm grateful I got selected (It was a relief because I get rejected so much).
I'm going to sell at several conventions in the USA every year as it keeps me creating :)
Also upped my booth design:
Launched my webcomic justtechnologythings.com!
Although I launched it, I didn't publish many episodes, and I hope to change that. My passion still lies in art, storytelling and technology, so I'm hoping to consolidate my art and comic efforts to create works that incorporate cute technology things.
❤ Traveled to
I traveled a fuck ton and met friends and animals from different countries.
I got to go to Singapore twice!
I got to fly business class twice!! *weird flex but ok 2*
❤ Joined YouTube Gaming, a team I love!
HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT.
Joining Google was cool.
And being in this team makes this extra cool.
I get to research Gaming culture and make products for Gaming users and creators. It's not always easy, but I just want to keep learning and doing my best.
My boss is great, and my team CLAPS AT THE END OF MY PRESENTATIONS. People come up to me to tell me how much they like my work. ahjsgdhsjada I am still not used to it but I definitely feel supported and appreciated here.
❤ Grew a lot in my job.
This year at work had significant downs
There was a point in my year where I thought I was a shitty designer, my projects weren't doing well and I felt that my work was unimportant. I felt like it was my fault. I felt alone and I felt crazy because everything that was happening was the exact opposite of my previous experiences.
I was crying every night feeling like a failure.
But eventually I realized I wasn't alone and a lot of that wasn't true. I fought for my future with the help of my friends and now I'm in a better place. I really, really couldn't have done this without my kind and supportive friends who helped me. I learnt to be more confident
- Apart from that, I learnt about what it means to be a compassionate leader. Leading is not about telling others what to do. It's about stepping back and trusting others, and only stepping in to empower those under you.
- My imposter syndrome is not as bad as before. Yet, I don't feel particularly smart or talented. In fact, I constantly feel jealous and lousy because my friends who are younger and been here shorter have already been promoted. I'm working on those feelings. I try to save nice things people say about me, and remember them. For example, a head engineer wrote that I'm the most talented designer he's seen in his 6+ years at Google. For someone who just started out, that meant a lot.
- I also established myself as a strong presenter. In the past, I was so nervous about presenting, but I made myself do it over and over again. Now I get compliments on my Slides all the time!
- I learnt how to lead meetings, and make sure agendas run on time.
- I'm better at strategizing. I am making effort to understand the goals of everybody so that I work on the most important things.
- I found my passion at work, which is to better designer and engineer collaboration, and want this to be my north star as I progress. Eventually, I want to help build product teams.
- I'M ALSO A LOT MORE JADED and feel like I'm running out of passion, lol.
Made progress on my side projects
I'm working on two internal side projects at Google. One is launching next week, and the other is driving me to better my collaboration with the engineers I work with. I tell my coworkers about them and they're super excited and supportive of everything I do!
It's cat related, and I can't wait for Googlers to see it
❤ Started reading again thanks to audio books!
and Difficult Conversations
❤ Grew a lot emotionally
, tried to be kinder, self aware, honest, and a better listener. I'm working on these by observing those kinder than me, and through therapy.
❤ No more toxic friendships!
I've had friendships where there was unnecessary competition, criticism, abusive words, gaslighting, guilting, refusing to listen etc. Those negative feelings made me avoid them or shut them out unintentionally, which ended up hurting them too.
It was so hard, but I finally cut every single toxic friend from my life. Even friendships that lasted 10+ years. I had to go to therapy to make that decision, and BOY IS IT FREEING. We had good times and I'll miss these people, but I just want supportive friends: I have enough negativity inside myself and I need people to lift me up, not put me down.
Getting rid of toxic friendships also helped me form new friendships and strengthen my closest friendships
❤ Kept working out, 1-2x a week!
❤ Learnt finance things and invested my savings
❤ Built my dream work desk
*self proclaimed* I have the coolest desk in the OFFICE
❤ Drank milk tea like every fucking day
Because I never had the discipline to sit down and write about that eventful year, I'm gonna write down highlights of 2017
⭐ I started my first full time job at Google
and didn't get fired! So far at YouTube, I have not met another designer without a design degree, let alone from Singapore, so I'm super proud that I'm here (BUT will not forget the support I got from various people that got me here)
⭐ Launched my first feature
⭐ Presented to 3000+ people at YouTube at a conference
⭐ Published a paper
⭐ Despite trauma from my car accident, I drive myself to work
⭐ Started renting my own apartment and paying my own bills
⭐ Got a cat
⭐ Designed the Google Anime Club T-shirt
⭐ Built my own PC.
⭐ Researched skincare and improved my skin texture
⭐ Got better at (but also more dependent on) makeup
⭐ Wisdom tooth surgery
⭐ Started self care by going for therapy and massages and working out
In 2019 I would like to
🌌 Give a design talk
🌌 Make more comics
🌌 Try live streaming art
🌌 Value myself and remain confident despite my lack of experience and low ranking within the company
🌌 Be productive and let myself take breaks
🌌 Lose weight (my triple layer belly omg) rely less on dessert
🌌 Travel more within USA - New York, Seattle, Portland
🌌 Bring my bf to Japan
🌌 Try to meditate
🌌 Get eye surgery
🌌 Buy fewer clothes and makeup
🌌 Play more games
🌌 Figure out my finances
Labels: 2017, 2018, 2019, accomplishments, art, comic, friends, google, mental health, resolutions, therapy, travel, work, youtube
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