<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d537362980959146402\x26blogName\x3da\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://mushopea.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://mushopea.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-8576693900223540458', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
Image 01 Image 02

Wednesday, October 11
bad but it will get better
didnt get AFA
I didn't get into AFA (the convention I've been boothing at the past 3 years). Feeling really heartbroken and sad, because it's so important to me and it ties me back to Singapore. I already bought my flight tickets to Singapore and I'm not sure what's next for me...
 

Long term, I'm afraid there is no longer a place for me back home as an artist. If I'm not good enough to get into the conventions in SG, maybe I should remain in the US. That thought scares me so much. I miss Singapore and I want to return :( I think I'll still fly back in November but the thought of seeing my friends who made it at AFA hurts my heart.

I'm always feeling not good enough. Every rejection I've ever received floats up to my brain to plague me constantly. Why am I so hard on myself? I would never think that way of my friends.

Feeling the urge to break down and my heart sinks when I think about it. I panic bad. I will get that sorted out with my therapist (i'm really lucky to have one 10/10 they are a DIFFERENT BREED from crappy school counselors)

***

On the bright side, this will give me more time to complete my merchandise series. My latest stuff:





I'll get better emotionally and art-wise. It'll just be a very long journey. Hopefully I can continue drawing the things I love like rainbows and cactus corgis and ribbon cats and watermelon hair ties

I need to look for other forms of validation. As a creator, that's so important to me.

My refreshing/clicking skills also got me a booth at Anime Expo (AX), the largest anime convention in USA!!