Tuesday, March 26
Nice thing
Someone at work said a nice thing to me today. She said,
"You look like you're a model. Have you done any modeling before?" I didn't know what to say.
At 26 it was nice to hear that!!
When I was in school I had many pretty friends. I wish I was pretty like them. Now I've grown to accept my flat facial features, protruding eyeballs and aging skin.
I still religiously put on skincare and makeup every day, but beauty is longer a focus of mine. I don't take that many selfies anymore! I guess, at work, looking nice doesn't seem to get you taken more seriously.
My first design talk
With my designer friend I gave a design talk at YouTube!!
I did a live design demo, which was nerve wracking but I'm glad I did it.
People learnt stuff from us!! We got a 4.8/5 rating.
I'm so proud.
I plan to do 2 more this year
- One in Singapore about my personal UX journey at Google
- One later in the year to Google about UX/Engineer collaboration
Photos
I got a Samsung S10 now!! It's gorgeous.
I just made a custom skin!!
I sit very close to two dogs
This is hiro, he is is an 8 year old forever puppy!! he's quiet and super cute
This is Maya, she's the sweetest chihuahua!
Sesame turned 4 recently! :)
I was in Switzerland!
I ate the best sushi in my life, Sushi Yoshizumi.
A Michelin star at San Mateo!
More work pics lmao. Here's YouTube's new lobby
Also went to Seattle.
Getting over stress
I was in a crazy anxiety mode the past few months, feeling inferior and lousy compared to my younger friends who've progressed further in their career. I'm so competitive and scared of failure, and performance reviews really do a number on me.
But I have to remind myself that...
- I overcame challenges unique to me, and it's not fair to compare myself to others.
- I love my team and they love me too, and that's what matters most.
- I'm talented, and I should keep doing what I'm passionate about. And have fun!
- I work on the coolest product ever. Not every Googler gets to work in Gaming!
- A few years won't matter to the entire span of my career.
I have to thank my supportive mentors and friends who got me out of my self-depreciating state. I'll most likely fall back into it again, but hopefully each time I get myself out of it a little faster.
I ALSO JUST DID ACCOUNTING AND TAXES AGGGHHH
I store my business expenses in a Google Sheet now omg
*adulting*
Labels: food, life, phone, photos, seattle, Selfies, switzerland, travel, work
Monday, April 25
namecard
awwwyiss
The words are
letterpressed :D
I wanted the vintage look.
The paper is so thick
like my dick that I can only fit two in my wallet.
my favourite cake place
My favourite cake place is
Chateraise at WestGate B2 (inside Isetan). I've been recommending it to my friends. It's very good value for money and the staff are super nice. You can see them decorating the cakes too.
My favourite cake is the
legendary cream cake which is a very milky and fluffy strawberry shortcake.
Strawberry bar cake, $4.7
Crispy chocolate cake, $4.7
Chocolate Legendary Cream cake, $5.1
other foods
I also tried out
WaaCow inside shaw foundation alumni house in NUS. I really like the flavoured rice and the bowl is very fragrant.
My friends and I have been raving about this
Japanese Curry Rice inside Food Republic (Vivocity and Wisma). For only $7, you get amazing curry rice that is big enough for two people!
This is the waffles at
Sunday Folks in Holland Village. It's pretty nice. I like the gula melaka ice cream to go along with it. :)
The
honey truffle waffles at Butter My Buns in NUS Utown are to die for. It combines the powerful smoky flavour of truffle with crispy waffle drizzled with gooey sweet honey. Super unique. I bought many times :D
eyelash perm and haircut
So after submitting my FYP report I went to treat myself by getting an eyelash perm and haircut!
I got it for $15 at
Paris Beauty House at Holland Village. I bought the Groupon from
here! Apparently, a lash perm is supposed to last
4 weeks. I think mine will not last so long because my hair is naturally straight.
Curled lashes
Experience
Overall, the experience was pleasant :) I'm always too lazy to curl my lashes and this gives me some incentive to apply mascara which really makes a difference.
Process
First they pasted some glue on my lashes to stick to my eyelids. Then I lay there for
45 minutes listening to nature sounds and I fell asleep. It was painful at first, but later on while waiting for your lashes to perm, it felt
very relaxing, like going for a spa.
Staff
I also liked the staff there. They did not push me to do other beauty services, which is SO DAMN RARE OMG. Because of that I'll patronize them whenever I can.
I seriously need to treat myself more often. It felt so good!!
I bought another
groupon, this time for a haircut at
Hair Atelier at Scotts Rd. I just asked to thin my hair and my hairdresser,
Raen, did just that.
Told him i wanted something like this.
I like it. My hair is very light now.
He also blow-dried my hair around a barrel brush which made my hair curl slightly inwards. NOW I WANT A
HEATED ROUND STYLING BRUSH *o*
Of course, I am gonna destroy it with
bleach and rainbow hair once again LOL. After cutting my hair short a year ago, I don't want to do that again. I want the versatility of my long hair.
brows
Kate brow powder
I combine this with
kate brow pencil which I draw around the edges of my brows. I am really into the
korean thick straight eyebrows now although my fringe kinda covers 90% of my brows but I super love this!
It makes my brows defined.
As for
brow threading, I've always gone to this brow place in Clementi for ~20 times. I forgot the name but it's outside Clementi Mall, has a pink sign and near the Gong Cha. Each session cost me about $4 with the 12-times card and lasts me about a month. I've tried BrowHaus, neighbour hood threading shops, and I always go back to this one. It's good and cheap.
Brows + Lipstick + Eyeliner really change a person's face!
stuff
Like 95% of everything I own is from
Taobao now ever since Ezbuy made their shipping so cheap!!
Professional haircutting scissors
since I cut my fringe once a week :)
nekoatsume sweater
Cat leggings
Everything i own is cat themed what the fuck
Labels: beauty, cake, design, eyebrows, eyelash perm, food, hair, haircut, makeup, makeup reviews, namecard, reviews, Selfies, shopping, taobao, waffles
Saturday, January 9
big update
TLDR; I sent my mom to IMH. She got admitted.
When I came back from San Francisco, I called my dad and said we could not delay it any longer. So we arranged a date for Saturday (today) for me to call the private ambulance and police to bring her to the mental hospital.
I went to where my mom and dad stayed, and got a shock because they stayed in the middle of a busy tourist street right outside a popular MRT exit. It's like one of those places you see in the "Top 10 places you should visit in Singapore" lists. Like 100 people/min pass by the street. OK, bad sign #1.
As per IMH's instructions to me, I called the ambulance, then I called the police to assist us, because mom was potentially violent. Police called back, said "
We are not going to come until there is actual violence." Well ok. Thank you police for caring for our wellbeing and safety. Bad sign #2.
I waited at a nearby McDonalds, working on coding my portfolio while the ambulance made its way. My dad came out of the house and we discussed what to do later. 3 minutes before the ambulance arrived...
Dad: The house door, tell them they must push very hard to enter.
Me: What do you mean? You are the one opening the door for them.
Dad: Huh? No, I will leave and wait in the car.
Me: WTF? We talked about this. You HAVE to be there.
Dad: I don't want her to see me.
Me: Did you think you could just run away and leave your wife alone while she is hauled into an ambulance by strangers?!
Dad: I thought I did not have to be there.
Me: Fine, I can go up instead. Do you want me to go or not?
Dad: OK, you go.
*we reach below the house*
Dad: Nevermind, I will go. Run to the macdonalds to hide.
Went back to macdonalds, waited for an
hour. Felt so bad for the ambulance guys. Must have been trying to talk to my mother for an hour.
Got a call from my dad's phone.
Dad: Mum wants to speak to you.
Me: OK.
My mother: Xinni, did you call the ambulance to take me to IMH?
Me: Yes.
My mother: Why? How can you do that? You betrayed me. Tell them to leave.
Me: You need help.
My mother: I gave birth to you. I breastfed you. I pray for you everyday. But you're so ungrateful. You're heartless. May God punish you.
Me: You have to go.
My mother: You are the mentally ill one. *more insults*
Me: *hangs up*
Then later, my dad tells me he is going off for an appointment.
Me: WTF?!! Why did you schedule an appointment IN THE MIDDLE OF SENDING YOUR WIFE TO IMH?? ⊙▃⊙
Dad: I made this appointment last week.. I have to go.
Me: Go where?!
Dad: Nearby only.. meet my friend.
Me: People are trying to get her to come down and you are running off to meet a friend?!
Dad runs off in the middle of it all to meet his friend and leaves the poor ambulance guys alone with my mom.
Mom tries to flee towards the MRT station.
We call the police to restrain her.
20 minutes later, police arrive. I am summoned to the MRT station.
So they are crowding this busy MRT entrance. There are 2 police officers, 2 ambulance guys and a wheelchair. My dad's hiding in some corner. EVERYBODY is staring.
I walk up to them.
My mom sees me and starts screaming the usual insults at me in front of the passers by. She stares furiously at me. I stare blankly back at her knowing she can't manipulate me. I think I even smiled at her. I don't know why. I guess after 20 years of taking her abuse, I finally made a huge step for it all. The police and ambulance guys did not even know me but they defended me and knew that I was doing it for her own good. I really appreciated that.
Police: Hi. So you are her...
Me: Daughter.
My mother: SHE IS NO DAUGHTER OF MINE. SHE IS A BETRAYER. SHE WENT BEHIND MY BACK
Police: *tells me my mom is trying to run away and they have to restrain her on the wheelchair and wheel her to the ambulance*
Me: Sure.
Then the police grab her by force and start
strapping her to the wheelchair thingy. At this point, everybody is standing there watching the debacle. Tourists look confused and ask if they are allowed to pass. The police tell them to move on and stop blocking the entrance.
My mom screams
"HELP!" and
"MOLEST!" and
"RAPE!" and scratches the police officer. Of course this attracts more stares. Police officer warned her that he has a camera and is recording her actions and she cannot make false allegations.
Worse,
now she starts screaming my name and my brother's name. Omg... I was like, I hope nobody I know is here if not they will be like omg dude whatsup is that crazy lady screaming your name and i'd have to say oh you know nothing much just a regular day sending my mom to mental hospital (◕ ʜ ◕ )
We get into the ambulance and they drive us to IMH.
One of the ambulance guys, who saw the state of the house, tells me that my mom's situation is very bad and jialat. He says
I need to insist she gets admitted if not she will be out by 5pm. I thanked him for his advice.
When the nurse sees her rambling and shouting at me she keeps muttering to other nurses that my mom is very sick.
I go and wait at the other side of the hospital and saw
- A guy in handcuffs
- A frail teenage boy who had his wrists restrained and was accompanied by 3 police officers
- A man who was talking to thin air
I felt genuinely bad for them and the stigma around mental institutions. I mean just then, one of my friends in a chat made a joke about the mental institution being a 'funny farm' and stuff. I felt sad. The place was a sad place.
A woman who sat next to me told me she was schizophrenic but now she is much better. I told her I was glad for her that she has it under control. She saw that I was programming (I was programming while waiting at IMH because I have shit loads of work to do) and asked what I was making. When my dad came she said "Hi uncle". My dad just grimaced lol.
Anyway the doctor finally called us in. We explained everything to him and I passed him my 15 page report of her behaviors. He asked us about her family and history of mental illness and whether she was paranoid.
He was really curious why my dad let her spend over 1 million of his money on renting properties and my dad said he could not refuse her or she would shout and quarrel with him. So I think the doctor knows that my dad is scared and enables her.
He also asked us what we hoped to achieve. Remembering what the ambulance guy said to me, I asked the doctor to please admit her.
The doctor said usually admitting is for suicidal/emergency cases and it might not happen. He has to speak with a senior doctor about it.
Anyway we waited for the doctor to speak with my mom. After a few hours he came out and told us that
they will admit her.
Hoorah.
We decided on Ward B2 for her, which is like $80 a day, because my dad said that Ward C has more crazy people and will turn her crazy (ofc I don't believe that). I think most of these costs will be covered by
Medisave.
She doesn't qualify for private wards because of her violent tendencies.
We don't know what she is diagnosed with yet. I mean definitely hoarding but the doctor said she has other issues as well. I have to work with social workers to discuss plans from here.
When we left the place we could hear her screams from outside and shouting from the staff and we caught a glimpse of them restraining her.
I'm probably not going to visit her because I am the last person she wants to see. She thinks I am the mastermind of it all. Which I suppose is true, I planned everything but I know I did it for the good of my family. My brother and father are now busy throwing out as much stuff as possible which is liberating!
San fran
Six flags whoo!!
I went to the one in Vallejo. I puked in the middle of it all. D:
My favourite ride is the Superman. The rest were quite underwhelming and many were closed for the Winter.
While in downtown San Mateo I tried Burmese food from "Best of Burma". This is mango chicken with garlic noodle and it's really nice. Tastes similar to Thai food. Wow I typed "Manga chicken", but corrected myself.
PANDA EXPRESS
Outside bf's house
Filet mignon with creamed spinach
Thaipan
Shout out to this butter squid from thaipan @ Marine Parade (back in Singapore). Best squid I've EVER had. Better than any salted egg calamari.
Work
As I mentioned earlier, I am REALLY FLOODED WITH WORK!! T_T
I got a Teaching Assistant position and faced with a recent change in syllabus, I have loads of material to prepare in too few weeks.
Oh and Masters applications :( I almost done and got 3 people willing to write my letters of recommendation. I got 117/120 for TOEFL (27 for speaking, full marks for writing, reading and listening). But my GREs were awful. I got 96 percentile for Verbal because I spent all my time preparing for that. I ended up fucking up my Quant and it became 80th percentile. I'm working to strengthen my Statement of Purpose and Portfolio because of that.
And FYP :( I have to get started soon.
Honestly it really sucks to deal with life right now but I will manage I guess
Labels: family, food, san francisco, work
◀ Previous posts
